Unsuspected Discoveries
by kittielove30
Summary: *OOC & started before 3rd season* Merlin is in love with Arthur. A Sorcerer puts a curse on Arthur and he falls into an enchanted sleep. Will Merlin be able to save him before it's too late? *Contains adult themes and rape*
1. Punishment

**ok well this is my first attempt at a Merlin & Arthur story. OMG am I obsessed with that show right now... I haven't finished watching the full second season, so if I write something that contradicts what may or may not have happened later in the searies. Just let me know. **

**Well here it is :p**

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**chp.1 'Punishment'**

"MERLIN!" I heard the familiar yell of my Master and Prince Arthur Pendragon. I sighed heavily as put down the un-eaten sandwich that I'd had half-way to my mouth. Looks like my lunch-break was over. Too soon, as per usual. I wrapped it back into the brown paper sack and pulled myself to my feet off the plinth I'd been seated on, and slouched my way up the corridor to my Masters chambers. "MER.." The Prince stopped short of his yell as I entered the room. I could guess from one look at the Prince's face that I was in trouble. Again.

"Sire, what seems to be the problem?" I asked almost timidly. The Prince seemed to be in one of his rages. "The _problem _Merlin? What seems to be the blasted _problem_ did you say? Are you _realy, seriously_ just that incompetently _stupid?_ No, honestly! Please tell me Merlin, how is it that someone so impossibly, so mind boggling _stupid_. Has even managed to live this long? It's a wonder that you simply haven't just been stupid enough to drown yourself in the bath or walk straight of a cliff, it's a sure sign that miracles exist for the fact that you are still breathing! Honestly _Merlin _I can't _believe...."_

I started to tune out right about here. And started to think on what I could _possibly _have done this time, to have Arthur so overly angry at me. I was used to the constant belittlement of my intelligence, but this was going a little overboard with the antagonism over something I couldn't for the life of me remember what I could have done. I opened my mouth to speak, but shut it quickly as Arthur shot me a look that plainly told me that he would run me through with his sword if I even dared to utter the question on what have I done.

I bowed, "I'm sorry, Sire. I am truly, honestly sorry and whatever it is that has up-set you so. If you would be so kind as to tell me what I have done this time and I will be sure not to let you down again in the future" I said all this with as much tact and respect as I could. Arthur opened his mouth then closed it, he pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes and turning his head towards the ceiling. His eyes slid open as he removed his hand and locked me in his icy stare. I could see nothing but wordless fury and incredulity in his blue piercing eyes.

I felt the familiar tingle in my stomach whenever Arthur locked me into those blue eyes of his. I gulped, dismissing those un-welcome thoughts and waiting for him to speak as the silence became increasingly uncomfortable. Arthur finally let out a huge breath that I hadn't noticed he'd been holding in and laughed humorlessly to himself shaking his head slowly looking away from me. I raised an eyebrow as Arthur's forced smile disappeared and he curled his lip in anger. "Merlin." The Prince said in a repressed and oddly calm voice. "Sire" I managed to squeak out. Arthur sighed again taking a deep breath and holding it for a second longer than was necessary before letting it out in a whoosh.

I waited for him to continue. Arthur just looked me square in the face with an expression that made me feel instantly nervous. I forced my mouth to speak, "Sire. Please won't you just tell me what I have done that has displeased you so?" My voice sounded oddly croaky, and I cleared my throat with a self-conscious little cough as Arthur's light blue eyes became as dark as indigo. The Prince's lip suddenly curled up at the side into a forced smirk. He raised his hand with it's back facing me and moved two fingers, clearly indicating for me to come closer.

I hesitated where I stood. I didn't trust the suddenly intense look he was now giving me, nor the smirk that was starting to twist into something that was oddly more intimidating than his previous fury. The Prince indicated more forcefully, but still wordlessly for me to move closer. I took in a deep breath of air of my own, and holding my breath I took two tentative steps forward. "Sire?" I breathed out slightly breathlessly. "Merlin" Arthur said in a calm, but disconcerting voice.

"Sire, please tell me what I..." I began but Arthur raised a hand to silence me. "Merlin" he said again, this time the same fury as before was evident under the controlled restraint. I didn't say anything and waited for him to continue. "Merlin, may I ask you, what do you _think_ is the problem?" The Prince asked slowly. I hesitated and racked my brain for anything, but I was coming up short. "I.... I honestly have no idea, my Lord" I blurted out nervously and apologetic.

Arthur suddenly barked out a laugh that made me jump. Arthur laughed for a moment longer before cutting it short and focusing his serious gaze back to my face. "Oh, I don't know? _Maybe, _just _maybe. _It has something to do with the fact that I told you to inform my Father last night, that I was setting out first thing this morning to kill that giant bear that has been causing a problem in the forests of Camelot. And I couldn't make his breakfast with the Duke of Hasheem this morning. And to tell them both of my great regret that I couldn't attend, but the bear problem was getting out of hand. Does a_ny_ of this ring a bell Merlin?!!" Arthur's voice was rising again with his anger.

"Oops." I said taking a step back. "Oops? _Oops_ Merlin? That's all you have to say for the embarrassment and disrespect that you have inflicted on the Duke, on my behalf? You are _aware_ aren't you, that thanks to your _idiocy_ Merlin. That my Father and the _Duke, _the highest _guest_ of my Father, and this castle. Thinks that I skived off the breakfast to go out hunting for my own pleasure. Are you, _really, honestly aware_ on how that shines on not just me as the Prince, but also my Father the King, and the whole of Camelot! And not just that no, are you even, _remotely _aware of just how _furious_ and _disappointed_ my Father is in me? _Do_ you Merlin!" The Prince barked at me taking a step closer as I took another step back.

"I err.... Well... No...But I... I am sorry, Sire. I had... I didn't mean... I..." - "STOP!" Arthur barked again stopping my incoherent ramblings. The Prince rubbed his hands over his face and laughing again, but this time there was something dark and sinister in the laugh that made me feel that he had something bad, something very, _very_ bad he had in store for me as my punishment for this. And I honestly couldn't remember Arthur ever asking me to inform the King that because he was setting out this morning to kill that nuisance giant bear that he couldn't attend the very important breakfast with the Duke of Hasheem.

I did remember though Arthur telling me to wake up extra early to fix up the horses and arrange what he needed for the hunting party. Which I must admit was all that was on my mind. I couldn't believe that I had messed up so badly, I really wasn't looking forward to this punishment as I was sure it was going to be beyond horrible. I looked up at Arthur's face and his smirk seem to mirror his agreement with what I was thinking.

****

I winced with every step I took as I made my way down to my living quarters. I was still in no shorter than agony. At the punishment that Arthur had subjected me too. The punishment I knew was going to be bad, but I had absolutely know idea on just _how_ bad_._ The King, Uther. Had heard that it had been all my fault, and the Kings fury had taken over what punishment that Arthur was going to give me. Arthur had been ordered to give me thirty lashings. I could see that even how mad Arthur had been with me, that he felt apposed to the severity of the Kings punishment. But obliged his Father's wishes with a cool and gracious manner. It was clear that he was still feeling guilty over the embarrassment he had subjected on his Father and Camelot, even though it wasn't completely his fault.

Arthur had showed me some mercy, not much. But _some_ mercy. He had only subjected me to only ten lashings, before saying that I had learned my lesson and that he doubted whither that I could have handled any more. Which was precisely right, I couldn't even handle _one_ lashing let alone the ten or the ordered _thirty!_ I think I would have surly passed out from the pain or my body would have gone into to shock by then. And I thought I felt a chipped tooth, as Arthur had _graciously_ giving me a block of wood to bite down on. As if that made any difference to me screaming my lungs out.

I pushed the door open when I reached mine and Gaius, the physician and my mentor's, living quarters. Gaius rose out of his chair and hurried over to me instantly. The moment however I made it through the door I collapsed on to the ground. I couldn't even comprehend at this point how I'd even made it back to my basement home in the state I was in. Gaius pulled me to my feet and I sagged heavily as he put my arm over his shoulder and led me over to the bed in the corner so he could asses at how bad my wounds were and for him to treat them accordingly.

I let out a muffled scream into the pillow as I laid on my stomach and let Gaius dab some sort of burning, stinging and pungent smelling liquid to my wounds. Gaius stated that my wounds were severe, something that I had no trouble in agreeing with. It felt like my back had not just been skinned, but also ripped raw and pored lemon juice into the injuries to make them worse after Gaius was finished with painful tonic. I felt the hot tears on my cheeks as Gaius patched my back with bandaging. He told me that the pungent serum will help with most of the infection, he said that there will still be an awful lot of swelling and pus as my wounds would begin to weep.

I must have fallen asleep or past out, either one but when I came around I heard voices, I recognised Gaius as the speaker and the second as Arthur's. I felt my stomach contract, and I swallowed down the feelings that his firm and assertive voice did to. I moved slightly on the bed and held in the whimper as the tiniest movement was agony. The voices became silent as it was obvious that they'd heard my pitiful attempt at holding back my cry of pain. I kept my eyes shut as I heard someone approach the bed on which I was lying.

There was silence for a second before Arthur spoke, "Merlin?" His voice was sharp and brisk. I just moaned into the pillow as an answer. "Merlin" He repeated, I groaned this time. I heard Arthur make a tutting sigh. "Merlin, this is ridiculous. I understand that your punishment was... _severe_" Arthur's voice faulted slightly on the word and went on more cutting to compensate for that. "But _this_ is just ridiculous! You could at least look at me when I am talking to you and make more of a comprehensive answer that a grunt or a moan. After all Merlin, I let you off easy. You should be grateful that I was feeling merciful!" Arthur's voice was becoming more and more annoyed as I continued to make no attempt to move or answer him.

Arthur let out a exasperated and annoyed sound before barking my name, "Merlin! I command you to answer and look at me!" His voice was harsh. I forced my head to the side and opened my eyes blearily to look at him. My eyes were level with his belt which I blankly stared at, not trying to even muster the strength to move my eyes any further up to look at his face. Arthur made another annoyed sound, "Seriously, Merlin. Maybe this will in the future help you to remember and _listen_ to things I order you to do!" His voice was harsh.

I made a low 'mmmph' sound in the back of my throat as my eyes drifted down to the point just under his belt. Arthur suddenly leaned down so we were semi-eye level. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, I just continued to stare at him glassily and tried to force the burn on my cheeks away at possibly being caught staring at his... No, I wasn't staring at his _anything._ I forced myself to believe my pitiful lie.

Arthur made a 'teh' sound before straightening back up and putting his hands to his hips. "Merlin" his voice was suddenly full of command. "I'm not going to deny that you aren't in pain right now. And I know that you aren't used to such punishment, so I'm not going to be as heartless as to order you to serve after me today. You can have this day off to recover. But I want you up bright and early as any other day tomorrow, do you understand me?" His voice then sounding like he was giving me some great treat.

I managed with all my might to say a raspy, "Thank you, Sire." Arthur made a disgusted and annoyed sound in the back of his throat before he turned his back on me and addressed Gaius again, "Merlin is behaving far worse than I expected of him. Don't look at me like that Gaius, Merlin deserved what he got. He made a terrible blunder and he was punished accordingly" Arthur's voice became a warning. "Of course, my Lord. I mean no disrespect. I am glad that you were indeed merciful to Merlin, he is a delicate boy." Gaius finished with a small bow.

Arthur snorted a laugh, as I felt a pang of annoyance in-spite of my pain at the words _delicate boy. _Arthur voice sounded amused now, "yes, Gaius I quite agree, Merlin is a cry baby. So I wouldn't indulge him any further with your doting, Merlin isn't a child and he needs a good kick up the backside to stop him wallowing and sulking on that bed." I couldn't help but feel even more annoyed, It annoyed me the way they seemed to be talking about me as if I wasn't here, I was in pain yes. But I could still easily hear and understand them.

"Yes, Sire. Of course" Gaius said as Arthur swept across the room to the door. "Good day Gaius" Arthur nodded towards his Father's oldest friend who nodded back. Arthur then barked at me, "And you Merlin. Stop sulking around and being even more useless than you usually are. Your back may hurt, but that's no excuse to lay about all day feeling sorry for yourself. Suck it up and be a man" were Arthur's parting words before he swept from the room closing the door with a loud bang after him making me flinch.

I tried to roll over but the pain was agonizing, even worse than I could imagine and I cried out in pain. Gaius came over and pressed a cool hand to my clammy forehead, "hmmm" he said, "you have a fever. The infection. Merlin you've been bleeding and weeping, I'm going to have to change your bandages. This won't be pleasant, but it has to be done" Gaius' voice was sympathetic. I just bit hard into the pillow and scrunched my eyes as Gaius peeled the ruined bandaging off my back feeling like he was ripping the skin off with them. I screamed into the pillow and cried un-ashamedly. All Arthur's words of 'Suck it up and be a man' meant nothing to me in my moment of agony as Gaius started to bathe my wounds in something that stung worse than just warm water.

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**Ok, so that was my first chappie. What did you's all think? Please let me know, I love comments they are my life blood. Oh, and for some reason I love saying 'They deserve a hundred lashings' But I couldn't give Merlin 100 lashings, as most people died before that point. But 10!! OMG you know how MUCH that would hurt!! Poor Merlin...... :s  
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	2. Guilt

**Ok so here is the second chappie. I have one more after this, but I'm gunna be writing like mad. So I'll try to get as much up and as quickly as possible. This is a surprisingly short chapter. Don't worry it's going to get a lot more interesting. I assure you!!**

**Oh, and no I don't own Merlin or anything accociated with it. I wish I did, because then I could make it oh so dirty. But I don't so I guess this'll have to do :p  
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**chp.2 ' Guilt' **

**- Arthur's pov**

I paced almost angrily around my room, Merlin was late for his duties. I felt a pang of guilt that I suppressed quickly as I remembered the punishment that I had subjected on Merlin yesterday. I knew he had made a terrible blunder and mistake. And I knew that if it had been any other servant I would have gladly accepted my Father's request at thirty lashings, before they were dismissed immediately. But for some reason, I'd always been soft on Merlin, far, _far_ too soft on the kid. _Merlin!_ I thought as I tripped suddenly on a piece of armor that hadn't been put away.

Just as I managed to catch myself on the edge of the table I heard a voice behind me mock, half-hearted "enjoy your trip?" I groaned as I righted myself and turn to see Merlin slightly hunched and pale looking in the doorway. I hadn't heard his knock, if he'd even bothered to knock. I frowned and pointed angrily at the piece of armor that I'd embarrassingly tripped on in front of Merlin. I didn't know why it made me feel slightly embarrassed. After all, Merlin had made a complete fool of himself in my presence countless times, and it wasn't even as if I tripped completely and spectacularly onto the floor.

I pushed the embarrassment aside and snapped at Merlin with as much contempt as I could muster. "Pick that bloody thing up before I break my neck!" I walked over to my bed and sat on the end. I watched as Merlin moved across the room, there was a slight limp in his step and he was hunched into himself, but the determined set on his features plainly told me that he was going to go about his business as usual and not let show the amount of pain he was in.

I felt another pang of guilt that I tried less successfully to swallow as Merlin's face showed a flash of the pain he was trying hard to hide from me when he bent down to pick up the loose armor. Merlin however turned his head so I couldn't see his face anymore, and he kept his back to me while he put the armor back in it's rightful place. Merlin still had his back resolutely to me as he spoke from my wardrobe. "What would you like to wear today Sire?" He asked in a would be casual voice. But he faulted slightly at the end and made a low sigh of pain when he reached to pull out my red padded jacket off the hanger.

Merlin's jaw was set a little too hard as he helped me dress in my casual clothes. Then deciding half way through that I would like my light armour on as well. Ceased with a sudden desire to muck around with my sword. I decided to pull my boots on myself as, even though the thought made annoyed more than anything, I didn't want Merlin to have to suffer over something so small. After I pulled my boots on, mine and Merlin's eyes touched for the briefest moment, but it was clear in Merlin's deep blue eyes that he was thankful for not making him bend over. I made a loud 'tch' sound as I stood up pushing Merlin aside.

I crossed the room before turning and saying, "I am going down into the yard to weild my sword, after you clean up this room you can come down and bring me luncheon" I tried to make my voice as much of a command as possible, but Merlin had un-successfully managed to hide the grimace of pain that was on his face as my back had been turned on him, into a very un-convincing smile. "Yes, of coures Sire" He said smirking broudly in a way that didn't convince me for a second.

I opened my mouth to say something like, 'don't strain yourself too hard' or something like that. But I stopped myself and said instead, "Oh, and I need clean sheets, so remember to strip and the re-make the bed afterwards" I made it in a cutting tone before storming out the room.

I had been building up quite an appetite as I spotted Merlin coming towards me with a tray of food in his hands. I pulled my helmet off and let it drop onto the grass with my sword. I was pulling at the armour on my right forearm as Merlin reached me, he placed the tray on a nearby bench. I was fiddling for another minute before Merlin's hands knocked mine out of the way, and within moments he had successfully removed the armor from both arms. I just pushed myself past him towards the food.

I sat down on the bench and stuffed half a roast lamb sandwitch into my mouth when Merlin started to make his way back across the yard. "Merlin!" I called after him, he turned slowly to look at me, "Where are you going?" I ordered. Merlin shrugged making himself flinch. "Back to the castle Sire, I still need to make your bed and scrub the floor" I could detect a tone of bitterness in his voice. "Well, do carry on then. Don't let me get in the way of your duties" I said waving my had to dismiss him.

After I'd finished with the lunch I'd made my way back up to the castle, I was feeling a little stiff and wondered if Merlin would make me a hot bath. I was toying with the idea as I entered my chambers, but it made the guilt crash back around me as I saw Merlin's face which had been contorted with agony turn into an unconvincing smile that looked painful to see. Merlin was down on all fours scrubbing the floor. But it wasn't the look of agony, or the painful forced smile that made the guilt more than real.

Merlin had removed his disgusting brown jacket he always wore, and was wearing a white ratty peasant type shirt under it. I could see red stains seeping through and staining the shirt across his back. "Good Lord Merlin, didn't Gaius give you any bandaging?" I asked forcing the guilt out of my voice. Merlin gave me a confused look, "Of course he did, why?" His voice was curious as to whatever look there was on my face. I forced my features into one of indifference. "Well your back is bleeding right through your shirt" I stated.

Merlin sat up onto his knees, "what?" He has blankly. "What did you think I said? Your back is bleeding" I said again and rolling my eyes. Merlin got to his feet gingerly before going over to my floor length mirror and examining his back's reflection and his face winced at the grisley sight. "I'm sorry, Sire. I didn't notice, the wounds must have started weep again" Merlin said grimacing in the mirror as he ran his fingers lightly over his lower back. "Well, the obvious thing is to go and see Gaius and get new bandages, isn't it Merlin?" I said as Merlin just continued to stare at his back in the mirror.

Merlin turned around then to look at me and stated "I haven't finished my duties, Sire." I opened my mouth to tell him that they could wait, when there was a knock on the door. I ordered Merlin to answer it. None other than Gaius was standing in the doorway. "Ah, Gaius. I am pleased to see you here, I was just directing Merlin to go and get new bandaging as his back has blead right out through his shirt" I said in a forced un-caring voice.

But in truth, I did care more than I wanted too. No matter how many times I tried to tell myself that Merlin was just a servant, and incompetent and useless servant at that. I still felt oddly... _Fond_ of him. And we'd had been though more together than I had with any of my other servants. There was more of a bond there, a bond I tried to dismiss most of the time.

Gaius nodded gravely, and un-surprised. That was when I noticed the bandaging Gaius was holding. "Is there a place where I can fix Merlin's bandaging with the new, my Lord?" Gaius asked. I hesitated thinking, I didn't want them to be doing such a thing in my room. I pointed towards my bathroom, "In there I suppose would suffice?" I asked. "It will, thank you my Lord." Gaius said with a small nod of the head. "After you Merlin" Gaius then said nodding Merlin on into the bathroom first.

I stayed standing in the same spot for a couple of minutes after Merlin and Gaius had entered the bathroom, before deciding against my better judgment to go and see what they were up to. As I stood in the doorway and spotted Merlin on his knees leaning forward, his arms on the side of the bath and Gaius removing the soiled bandaging. I couldn't help the squirm in my stomach at the sight of Merlin's severely bleeding and savaged back. I'd thought I was being gentle, but Merlin was obviously far more, _delicate,_ I repeated Gaius' words in my head from yesterday had some truth to it, for his own good.

It was obvious that Gaius nor Merlin had noticed me come to watch from what words came out of Merlin's mouth then, "Arthur Pendragon is such a heartless... Aghhh!" Merlin suddenly made a loud groan of agony through his clenched teeth as Gaius stripped the last piece of bandaging that seemed to stick to his wound away. - "_I hate him, I really, really _HATE HIM!" Merlin muffled his scream into his arm on the side of the bath as Gaius began to dab the excess blood and gore away.

I was going to make my presents knows when Gaius spoke, "Now Merlin, Arthur did show you mercy yesterday when he needn't have. He was directed by the King to give you thirty lashings and he only gave you ten. You mustn't ignore his kindness for that." I felt a sudden warmth for my father's oldest, and most trusted friend. I _was_ indeed too kind for my own good, especially towards Merlin and felt that I really shouldn't, which was felt double fold from the next thing through Merlin's clenched teeth were, "Yes, I can feel the prat's kindness right now" Before he let out another less muffled moan as Gaius has started dabbing some sort of ointment into his wounds.

I cleared my throat then, "Well Merlin, if this is how your going to act after a mere ten lashings, I couldn't imagine what you'd think of me after _thirty._ And if this is how much gratitude I get from showing you mercy, then please do remind me next time not to hold anything back while punishing you" I stated coldly. Merlin moaned again, but this time it was from being caught in his ill speaking of his master than his back. But he let out another muffled scream against the side of the bath as Gaius dabbed more of the now I could smell, very pungent ointment into Merlin's wounds.

Gaius spoke in Merlin's defence, "no offence intended my Lord. Merlin is of course very grateful for the kindness you have showed him. He is just feeling sorry for himself because he is in pain right now. Isn't that right, Merlin?" Gaius asked Merlin in a scolding tone. "Yes, Sire. Please forgive my rudeness, you are the kindest most merciful master any servant can be so grateful to have... AGHH!" Merlin suddenly screamed at whatever Gaius had just done must have really hurt.

I decided I didn't want to see any more of this. Not that it was just simply disgusting, but it also made me feel incrediably guilty. I flopped down on the bed and tried to ingore Merlin's muffled scream and moans from the bathroom. I couldn't help, I despised myself for feeling it. But I felt suddenly rotten. I wished that I hadn't told my Father that it was Merlin's fault about the breakfast with the Duke. At least then I would have gotten into a lot of trouble off my father. But it would have been nothing to the sounds of pain Merlin was making right now in my bathroom.

Guilt was not an emotion I liked to be feeling over my servent. What was wrong with me?

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**Well there you go. Sorry it was so short. Comment if you like, I know it's kinda boring right now. But it is going to get better assure you ^_^**


	3. Bath Time

**Ok so this is the 3rd chapter. This is all I've written so far, I'm planning to write more as soon as possible. So yeah... Hopefully this chapter is a little better than the first two. I laughed while writing it. **

**Oh and no, I still don't own Merlin or anything. :(**

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**chp.3 'bath time'**

**- Merlin's pov  
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It had been a week and a half since the punishment. My back was still hurting, but I could put it out of my mind half the time now, unless something brushed or hit into my back. Or laid on my back. Or my clothes chafed my back too roughly... Actually it was still hurting me like nothing else. I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor for Gaius, Arthur had gone hunting and ordered me to stay behind, as this time he actually wanted to kill something and didn't have the patients today to deal with a branch hitting me in the back and I, letting out a scream of pain and scaring everything away, or something to that affect.

I hadn't done much work for Gaius in the past week, due to Gaius feeling guilty about the amount of pain I was in, and didn't want me to strain myself anymore than nessicary. Unlike Arthur, who had me serving and slaving after him from the crack of dawn until ten at night, sometimes later. And then the next day it would all start again. I was though starting to feel that the tight stinging in my back as part of my life now. I couldn't remember life before the constant reminders of pain.

I was trying to remove a particularly stubborn bit of gunge that was just resolutely not going to budge for me when Gaius back into the room carrying a large array of medical supplies. I sat up and stretched feeling my back sting as the healing flesh was still tight and it stungbpainfully as I stretched the tightened skin. I stood up stiffly, feeling my knees aching and soaked from kneeling on the cold wet stone floor for so long.

Gaius turned and seemed surprised to see me, "oh Merlin. I thought you would have ridden out with Prince Arthur today, I believe he was going hunting?" Gaius asked almost suspiciously as if yesterday when I told him, and that was before Arthur ordered me to stay behind. That I'd lied about Arthur going hunting. I went on the defensive at his tone, "Yes, he is. But he didn't want me to come, something about me scaring away all the deer with my sounds of pain or something to that effect. So I decided to catch up on some of the duties here that I've been neglecting" I said ruefully.

Gaius' eyes gave the room a sweep, to the wet and soupy floor and to the tidied potion bottles and the clean leech tank. "Well, you have indeed made yourself useful this morning. I am grateful. But it's a sunny day out, and why don't you go out and enjoy your morning off in another way than cleaning" Gaius said dismissively. I shot him a suspicious look myself, "since when do you ever tell me to have time off to enjoy myself?" I asked raising an eyebrow at the old man.

Gaius became suddenly more suspicious, "I am now. Just leave Merlin, I have important things to attend to hear, and I don't need you breathing down my neck. I would have thought you would have jumped at the idea of free time. Or should I make you go and collect me some new leeches from down at the swamp, I think I'm running a bit low" Gaius set me a stern look.

****

So 15 minutes later I was strolling through the small markets of Camelot. I didn't have any money to buy anything, as I hadn't been given my allowance for the month yet. I was eyeing a particularly juicy looking apple with envy when I heard my name being called. I turned and when I spotted the person who was calling my name my stomach did a back flip.

I hurried over to the darkened ally where none other than Lancelot was standing in the shadows. "Lancelot, what in the blazes are you doing here?" I asked in a hushed tone looking around apprehensively. I spotted two guards a few yards away at the same time Lancelot did and we moved further down the ally and out of the sunny afternoon sun.

When we were a good distance away from watching eyes, Lancelot answered my question, "I would not have come, but... I need you Merlin. I need your help. And I'm afraid that you are the only one who can give it too me now" Lancelot seemed nervous. I eyed him suspiciously, "what do you mean? How do you need my help? And why am I, the only one who can offer you that?" I asked keeping my voice low in-spite of the lack of listening ears.

Lancelot seemed uncomfortable to continue. "Lancelot what is it?" I asked after a minute. Lancelot sighed heavily and looked up and down the ally before leaning in closer to me, I felt a tingling sensation go down my spine as I felt his warm breath brush across my skin. "Someone has put a bounty on my head, and it was a sorcerer who heeded the bounty. As you know Merlin I know no magic myself, and he seems very determined to claim his reward" Lancelot's voice became strained.

I let out a low breath when Lancelot leaned back away from me. I looked into his dark worried eyes and I felt compelled to help him, "of course I will help you Lancelot" I said in my second breath. Lancelot seemed only mildly pleased with my answer, but he still seemed troubled. "Is there anything more?" I asked uncertainly. Lancelot hesitated before saying, "Where is Arthur?" It was obvious that this was not what he really wanted to say.

I shrugged and winced, "He's gone out hunting this morning. He will probably be back soon I should think if he managed to catch aanything" I said half through my teeth as my back seared with pain. Lancelot gave me a puzzled look before asking me what was wrong. I just shook my head and muttered, "it's nothing" before looking back down the way we'd come. I didn't know why I didn't tell Lancelot what was wrong, after all, we'd always been strangely open with each other. But I just felt that it was too... Embarrassing, I didn't want Lancelot to think me of me as. Well. _Delicate._

I snuck Lancelot into my room, Gaius was suspiciously absent, and it made me more curious as to his pushiness earlier for me to leave. But I didn't voice my suspicions to Lancelot, as I doubted very much that he would find it remotely interesting. I had to leave him though to go and collect Arthur's clean clothes from the laundry and bring then up to his room. As Arthur would no doubt want a bath and clean clothes when he returned.

Lancelot didn't seem bothered when I informed him that I had to leave. He seemed exhausted and I invited him to use my bed to sleep. Something which Lancelot graciously thanked me for. I felt a jolt go down my spine that had nothing to do with my lashings when Lancelot started to remove half his clothing. I stood there gaping like a fool as he pulled his shirt off to reveal his toned back.

I had always been slightly smitten by Lancelot. I realised my fondness for men when I was about 12 years of age back home in my village. I and my childhood friend Will had gotten into the mead after a celebration the town was having due to a large amount of wheat and corn that had grown that year. Will was teasing me about a girl in the town who'd shown a fancy to me, Margaret, or Maggie as she was more commonly called. And teased me that I should kiss her.

I had told him that I had absolutally no feelings what so ever for her, he'd then asked who I did find attractive and would like to have a roll in the hay with if you get my drift. I brushed off his question with asking who _he'd_ found attractive. It was not after Will had pretty much said every girl in the village, and a large more amount of mulled mead later had he turned the question back to me. Stupidly, _drunkenly_, I'd kissed him quickly on the lips and he'd just burst out laughing and thought it was a joke.

I sighed heavily as I remembered the crush I'd had on Will. And the sorrow I felt over his death, the previous year when I'd returned to my home town, bringing Arthur, Gwen and Morgana in tow. To help my Mother and the village from raiders who were taking all of the crop. And then I felt another pain when I thought of the death of my Mother. Her life forfeited for instead of Arthur's.

Lancelot turned then to spot me still staring at him, he furrowed his brow and asked, "Merlin? I thought you had to go and fix Arthur up with clean clothes or something?" His tone seemed to quiestion my capabilities. I nodded and gave him a quick grin, "oh yeah, sorry.. My mind just sorta drifted off then" I said and laughed nervously, obviously making a total fool of myself and quickly hurried out of the room with Lancelot's confused face still in my mind.

_Arthur._ I thought as I was fixing his bed, and tiding up his room. I remembered back to the first time I'd met him, and remembered how I'd felt an instant dislike towards the Prince. But after finding out he was my destiny and all that crap. And going through a lot together, we'd become good friends. Or I liked to think we had. As I groaned loudly when I accidentally hit my back on the corner of the table as I stood up from picking one of Arthur's shirts from the floor.

I wasn't sure if I had any _romantic _feelings for Arthur. I mean he was a contemptuous, arrogant prat that treated me with a complete disregard as a person most of the time. And I knew he would throw me to the dogs if he ever found out about my preference for the same sex. I mean Arthur had forgiven and accepted a lot from me in the past. But I doubt whither he, or any other straight man would feel comfortable if they found out their personal manservant, who helped them dress, attended to them in all sorts of personal ways, preferred the company of men.

I mean it's not like I ever _looked_ at Arthur. I mean ok, that was a downright lie. But I was only human after all with the same amount of desires and crazed hormones as the next young guy my age. Let's say then, I never _fantasised_ about Arthur. Well I wasn't being _entirely_ truthful to myself there either. Arthur was, despite his attitude and the total opposites in personality, and the _complete_ opposite of my type in every way. Or well, in personality wise. _Physically_. Ok. Physically he made me feel dirty every time he looked at me with those piercing blue eyes of his.

Made me bite the inside of my mouth when he so casually felt comfortable in my presents to walk around half naked. And I have on occasion _appreciated_ Arthur in his chain mail and armour. On _occasion._ But really, other than that. I didn't fancy Arthur one bit. I mean it wasn't like I was refined by my sexuality, it's not like it hindered me in any way to preform in my duties. It made absolutely no difference to anything. Gay, straight. Really when it came down to it, how much different were they really?

I heard the sound of clomping boots before the door was thrown open and Arthur came striding into the room. "How was your hunting trip? Did you manage to kill anything?" I asked. Arthur just grunted as he collapsed fully dressed onto his bed. "Yes, in fact I managed to kill a large stag" Arthur said un-impressed. "oh?" I said bending down to pull Arthur's boots off.

Arthur pulled himself into a sitting position and flexed his muscles. "Merlin, run me a bath would you? My shoulder is aching" He said rubbing his left shoulder and revolving it under his hand with a pained look on his face. "Maybe you should let Gaius look at it" I suggested. Arthur snorted, "it's nothing. Honestly Merlin, not all of us are cry babies. I'll feel fine after I have a hot bath. Which I don't see you yet have attempted to make" he shot me a disapproving look.

I sighed and muttered a, "Yes Sire" and shuffled off to the bathroom. After I'd filled the bath and heated it shiftily with magic. I called Arthur to tell him his bath was ready. "About time" he muttered pushing past me. I felt a twang of annoyance, as no one else could possibly have made a hot bath that fast without the use of magic. I was about to leave him when Arthur called from behind me, "Merlin, you can stay and help me bathe. My shoulder _is _really acting up" I turned to see him grimace as he rubbed his shoulder.

I felt the familiar fluttering sensation in my stomach as I helped Arthur out of his armor and clothes. And I tried to hold back the smile as I thought of what Arthur would think if he ever found out that I was gay. Then I realised that it wouldn't be the slightest bit amusing, as I would surly have the worst punishment of my life, or possibly death. But I doubted that no matter how disgusted and horrified Arthur would be if he ever found out, which was pretty much impossible, as I haven't had any form of romance with anyone since I got here, actually, nor back home. I'd never been with anyone like _that_ in my life. And I highly doubted wither that was going to change any time soon, as I never met anybody and homosexuality as a rule wasn't highly looked upon. But I didn't think that Arthur would actually have me _executed _if he were to find out_._

It was after I'd washed Arthur's hair, and began to massage his left shoulder, which did feel quite tight. Did it happen, I was mortified. I couldn't even _believe_ that it happened. I felt myself begin to get hard. I jumped up instantly and headed for the door, I was halfway across the room when I heard Arthur's surprised and disapproving voice, "Merlin! Where the hell do you think you are _going?"_ He demanded. I didn't turn as that would have given something that I did not want to give away to the Prince. "Erm.. Gaius said he needed me to... to.. Go and fetch some more leeches from the swamp, he's running low you see" I was grasping at straws.

Arthur snorted loudly behind me, "give it a rest Merlin. Do you _honestly_ think of me so _stupid_ as to believe _that!" _I made a non-comical sound in the back of my throat. "Merlin, your not going anywhere, I think you were making some difference to my shoulder. Get back over here and continue with what you were doing until I dismiss you" His voice was a command and there was nothing I could do to escape. I tried to hide myself as I made my way back over to Arthur. It seemed to work as he didn't look mortified.

I knelt back down on my knees and continued where I'd left off. I thought I was getting a grip on myself after five minutes or so of forcing my mind to the most un-sexually appealing thoughts possible. It did seem to have been working fairly well until Arthur had to make a low moan in the back of his throat making all my efforts vanish immediately. "That's it Merlin. Right there. That's the spot" Arthur's voice had become deeper with each appreciative encouragement. I could feel my breathing start get un-even as Arthur made another low moan.

I couldn't believe my luck, it was a horrible situation I had landed myself in. What in the hell was _wrong_ with me? I tried to chant in my head that this _wasn't _in any way sexually exiting. Arthur was a prat, Arthur was a prat, I _do not_ find him attractive. I _do not_ find his rippling back attractive. This was just a bath, it's not like I could see a_nything_ anyway. I was just massaging his sore shoulder. That was a_ll. _And when he moaned my name like that, I shouldn't let my mind drift off to something else... This _wasn't_ in _anyway. _That_. _Kind of... _situation._ I knew all this, but why in the hell couldn't I stop myself being so damn turned on over the prat.

"Wait Merlin" Arthur suddenly said, "yes Sire?" I flushed as I realised my voice had become suddenly huskier than it should. I coughed and said again in a more cheerful voice, "Sire?", Arthur hesitated slightly, I held my breath, but he just shook his head and continue as if nothing weird had just happened. "I feel some soreness in my back as well" and with that statement he lent forward so I could reach his back easier. I roamed my hands down his spine, which I knew I _really, REALLY_ shouldn't me doing that, before I asked "tell me where you feel the soreness."

I had lent right into Arthur's back by this point to put at much strength into my massaging as possible did I feel Arthur's whole body suddenly tense up. I didn't understand at first, but a split second later I realised that my throbbing, rock hard, erection was jabbing into his back. Holy. SHIT. "Merlin" Arthur's voice became suddenly emotionless. "Sire?" I managed to choke out pulling away from him. Arthur didn't say anything for a long drawn out second, before saying in a slightly elevated voice, "Merlin. Please, _please_ tell me that wasn't what I thou..." Arthur began but I was across the room and out the door in a flash yelling something about my chores for Gaius.

After I was out of Arthur's chambers I positively _ran_ all the way back to where I slept. I skidded past Gaius who said something I didn't hear and bolted into my room slamming the door shut behind me. I flung myself down onto my bed not thinking, and only when I collided with someones sleeping body did I tumble off the bed onto the floor as Lancelot woke with a grunt. It took him a moment to gather his surrounding and realise that I'd just jumped on him. "Merlin?" He stated confused, "Lancelot" I answered breathlessly standing up and collapsing onto the chair on the the other side of the tiny bedroom.

Lancelot took in my obviously shaken appearance and the fact that I was panting heavily. "Merlin, what the hell happened to you?" He asked shocked and concerned. I just put my face in my hands and shook my head. After a second I heard Lancelot pull himself out of my bed and make his way over to me. "Merlin?" He asked in a soothing voice putting his hand on my shoulder which made my heart thump un-evenly. I shook my head again but answered muffled by my face still being in my hands, "nothing. Lancelot. Just something happened between Arthur and I" I said feeling like I'd said too much.

Lancelot didn't say anything for a moment before he said in a low voice, "did he, he catch you doing magic?" His voice was worried and sympathetic. I shook my head again, "no, not that" I pulled my face out of my hands and turned to look at Lancelot. His eyes were confused, but comforting and non jugemental. And before I could stop myself I blurted out everything that had just happened. After I finished, Lancelot didn't speak, he looked shocked. I felt the heat rise into my cheeks and before I could help myself I started to cry.

I felt Lancelot put pressure on my shoulder before leaning down on one knee to be more eye level with me, "Merlin. Come on, there's no need to be so upset. I'm sure Arthur's just thinking he's imagined it." He tried to sooth me. I snorted wetly. "believe me Lancelot, there was no way that Arthur could have thought he imagined it. I was making my side _very _clear" I could feel my stomach churn. I couldn't possibly imagine what was going through Arthur's head right about now. Maybe, _maybe._ He _was_ trying to convince himself that he imagined it. Or I sure damn _hoped_ he was.

I half expected Arthur to come barging through that door for the rest of the day and demand me to continue with the rest of my duties. Or to fire me. Or worse, throw me in the dungeons or something. But he didn't. He sent no message, no nothing to me all day. And by 10 a-clock that night, his usual bedtime I half convinced myself he would call for me to assist him. But he didn't. I laid in my bed for hours that night, trying unsuccessfully to put tomorrow and their consequences out of my mind. But it was impossible. It was nearing day-break did I finally fall into an un-easy sleep, too soon to be woken by Arthur standing over my bed looking murderous.

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**Ok, so what did you guys think? Did you like it? Do you care what happens next? Should I even bother with it, seriously? I have good plans for this story... I hope you like them. Comments please people, give me a reason to keep posting *sad puppy dog eyes* pleaseeeeee ;)**


	4. The Tent

**Ok, well here is the fourth chapter. Got it written and up pretty fast! I hope you enjoy it! As I'm up to nearly 4am posting this and I have to get up early tomorrow to go out! Ah, I really shouldn't be up this late... Ah well, hope you like it. It gets a little... Disturbing for no reason. o.0  
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**chp.4 'The Tent'**

**- Merlin  
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Arthur didn't chuck me in the dungeons. Nor send me to the stocks. Or anything like that, he was furious over the fact that I was five hours late for work from sleeping in though. So Arthur had either thought he'd imagined my hard on sticking into his back, or _convinced_ himself that he'd imagined it. Or he was too embarrassed to bring it up. Which I thought seemed the most likely, as I was down on my hands and knees scrubbing the entire Great Hall as a punishment for yesterday's bath incident. Arthur had simply said that it was because I'd run out on him and didn't continue with my evening duties. But I thought there was an undercurrent of another emotion in his voice when he'd said this.

My back was not only stinging and burning, but aching from bending over for so long. I'd done about a quarter of the hall so far, and I sat up and stretched my stiff muscles and looked around feeling my stomach drop, the job really did seem an impossibility. I would be scrubbing this damn filthy Hall for next 6 months if I didn't speed it up. I tried to put more effort into it, but I soon found my mind drifting off again. Back to yesterday, I felt my stomach squirm and my cheeks burn from the memory. I couldn't believe what had happened. It was so unlike me to be in that kind of situation. I normally had a good control over my... Well.. _Urges._

But yesterday... A moment of madness that what it was! And I felt my stomach squirm uncomfortable as I remembered that I'd told _Lancelot_ all of what had happened. Seriously, what in the _hell_ was wrong with me yesterday? And why, oh _why_, did I have to break into tears and cry in front of Lancelot? Lancelot hadn't shared my room with me last night, and opted to sleeping out on the patients bed near where Gaius slept. I felt humiliated and slightly hurt. Lancelot certainly didn't seem to care about sharing a room with me _before_ I told him that I was... Well. _That way._ It wasn't like I would ever, _ever_ try anything. Not at all! But it was obvious that no matter how much Lancelot said it didn't bother him, he felt uncomfortable around me now. I could see it.

Just then Kind Uther came striding into the hall, followed by none other than Arthur. Uther swept past me and payed as much attention to me as if I was a piece of the furniture. Arthur however shot me a glance, and I tried to give him my best, everythings fine, smile. But he just frowned and I saw a small shudder run down his back before he looked away and followed is Father up to the top of the Hall. I felt my stomach drop. Great. Just my luck. He remembered it of course, and in no way did he believe he imagined it. I wondered why he didn't say anything. Or yell at me, tell me I was a disgusting and depraved and he wanted a new servant immediately. But I guess he was going for the _ignore it and maybe it will go away_ option.

I sighed and watched Uther and Arthur. Uther was going on about some evil Succubus seducing and killing men in a neighbouring town. And he feared that the creature would soon set her eyes on Camelot if they didn't act quickly and destroy the thing. He was directing Arthur to round up some Knights and go and destroy the Succubus before it got anywhere near Camelot. He was warning Arthur that the Succubus often took the form of an un-imaginably beautiful women and used her powers of seduction to ensnare unsuspecting males. And warned him to destroy the harpy as soon as possible and not to let her speak and get anywhere near close enough to bewitch Arthur, of any of the other Knights.

Arthur agreed to destroy the thing and would set out first thing that evening. I watched as Arthur bowed to his Father and crossed back across the Hall. Just as Arthur was about at the large doors he stopped and hesitated slightly before addressing me in an oddly restrained voice, as if it went against some better judgement to speak directly to me, he never fully looked at me when he spoke, "Oh and Merlin. You can finish this later. I want you to go and fix the horses up and to pack what we will need for the journey. And I err... You will also me accompaning me" He dared me a quick glance and was out of the Hall before I could say, "yes Sire..." My voice trailed off as he was already gone.

I pulled myself up off the floor and stretched feeling the tightness in my back protest. But it was beginning to heal now. I bowed to Uther and excused myself, the King however completely ignored me as if I wasn't there. "Ok then.." I muttered under my breath and left the Hall feeling my right leg cease up. I was stomping my foot with ever alternate step when I heard my name being whispered in a hush voice. I turned around to see Lancelot for the second time beckoning me over to him.

Lancelot was standing half hidden behind a large suit or armour. "Lancelot what..." I began before Lancelot silenced me, he looked up and down the hall nervously before pulling me down the opposite direction I needed to be going. "Lancelot!" I protested after he pulled me down a flight of stairs and out a back entrance. Finally after we where standing in under some cover and behind a large cinder block. Did he speak, "Ok Merlin. Sorry about that, but I fear that the bounty hunter. The Sorcerer I told you about is here in Camelot -" I cut over him, "What!" I couldn't believe my luck. "Lancelot this is bad, _really_ bad" I was saying when Lancelot cut over me this time.

"Merlin! What's wrong? I thought you said you would help me with this, and I have seen your powers you are a powerful Sorcerer" Lancelot was saying as I shook my head. "No, Lancelot. I said I would help you and of course I will. I won't go back on my word. But I'm to leave Camelot this evening to accompany Arthur on some journey to destroy this Succubus who is terrorising a small village a town over" I said biting my lip. Lancelot looked troubled only for a moment before he spoke, "Then I shall accompanying you on this journey" I began to protest when he held his hand up for my silence.

"I said I would be accompaning you, without Arthur knowing so of course. I shall therefore keep my distance and I know how to travel inconspiculously. I"ll however lead the Sorcerer out of Camelot and set him a false trail. Which will send him on a wild goose chase for at least a few days. Dispite the man's powers, which I'm not happy to admit are impressive. He doesn't seem to have a high skill in tracking." I still wasn't highly convinced and felt that there were so many things that could go wrong.

Lancelot seemed to see the the doubts in my face and gave me a reassuring smile and put his hand on my shoulder. "It will be ok Merlin. Don't worry, the Bounty Hunter will fall fore my fake trail and I shall be fine for a few days at least." He squeezed my shoulder before quickly pulling his hand away. I frowned and said in a more subdued voice, "alright, I trust you Lancelot. But I have to go and fix the stuff up for Arthur and the journey" I said. Lancelot just nodded and headed off quickly over a short wall and was gone.I watched after him for a few minutes before I realised that I should have already started packing by now. I ran back through the castle and got to work.

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**Meanwhile......**

**(- Arthur.)**

I found my father being consulted my Gaius back in the Great Hall as I approached them. Gaius was just telling my Father about some new remedy that he thought would help Morgana with her nightmares. But the plant he needed didn't grow in Camelot. And was asking my Father if it would be possible for Merlin to collect some of this plant on the journey he was going to be accompanying me in.

My Father had just told him of course and sent him off. I nodded to Gaius as he passed and addressed my Father. "I am ready to leave, Father" My Father looked pleased, "Excellent. And make sure you remind you servant to collect the plant of Balangore for Gaius won't you?" He said nonchalantly. "Of course Father" I said promptly. "Good, and are the men ready?" He asked. "Yes, Father. We are ready to leave immediately." I said.

My Father nodded, "Good, good. Well I hope that your journey is fruitfull and you destroy this creature" he said in a dismissive voice. "Yes Father, we will" I said bowing my head and leaving the hall. Merlin was standing just outside the main doors and I almost walked into him. "Merlin, why is it that your always in the way?" I snapped at him annoyed before walking briskly down the corridor not listening to his answer.

I waited by the stables as Merlin went to fetch my horse. The other men on the hunting party joined me then, already with their horses saddled and ready. I saw Merlin coming around the corner leading my finest steed and a lesser chestnut horse, already laden with luggage for the journey for himself. Just when he was about two feet away he tripped over nothing I could see. His own feet probably. And on the way down pulling one of the men with him, who landed in a pile of horse manure.

I sighed heavily and looked away embarrassed. Merlin helped the man to his feet apologizing profusely. "Merlin! Just leave it and get over here!" I barked at him. Merlin was still apologizing and in his embarrassment became even more clumsy, he stumbled and almost lost hold of the horses as he approached me. I rolled my eyes muttering "idiot" as I mounted my steed.

I turned around to adress my party, "Ready men?" I asked, the all nodded their heads and said, "yes Sire." I kicked my horse forward and got about four paces when I heard Merlin's gasp of pain. I groaned and pulled my horse around to see what was the wrong with him now. I saw Merlin on the ground next to his horse which he'd obviously had just fallen off of. He got to his feet gingerly rubbing his arm.

I shook my head, "Merlin we don't have time for your incompetence's today. We have a schedule. So stop messing about and get on your horse" I barked at him shaking my head again. Merlin just muttered something darkly under his breath as he tried to heave himself back onto his horse, it took him three good tries, and even more bad ones to re-mount the horse. I saw the man who Merlin had pulled down shake his head and say something to the guy next to him who snorted and rolled his eyes in my direction.

I chose to ignore it, but still felt embarrassed. Merlin was seriously an embarrassment at times like this. As Prince Arthur, I should have a less clumsy and incompetent servant. Even though I hated to admit it, Merlin had served me well. And something that I would never confess, it was embarrassing to even confess it to myself, Merlin amused me somewhat.

"Ready now?" I barked at him exasperated. "Yes, Sire" Merlin said in a petulant voice. I tuttered and kicked my horse forward. We traveled on for about five hours when we decided to break for something to eat and drink. Merlin unpacked some food for me as I waited. It was when I heard someones loud and angry voice did I look up from examining my sword, for the commotion.

And I was more annoyed than surprised to see that Merlin had accidentally stod on one of the men's food. And it annoyed and slightly amused me further to notice that it was the same man who Merlin had pulled down earlier. Just as I noticed this the man extracted his sword from his belt and raised it threateningly at Merlin. I decided I better intercede before anything stupid happened.

I already had my own sword out and as I reached the man from behind I raised my sword to his neck. The man noticed this and stiffened slowly lowering his own sword. "What is your name?" I asked angry. The man turned around and sank into a bow, "My name is Frederik Belvadere. Please forgive me Sire, but your manservent is, may I be so brave to say. Is an Idiot" He said peeking up to see my reaction.

I snorted once in amusement and lowered my sword. "Even so, Frederik. I warn you not to raise your sword to the personal servant of your Prince" I said threatening. Frederik muttered an apology, "of course not, my Lord. Please forgive me, it will never happen again" he bowed lower. I looked at Merlin who shot me a goofy grin, I made a 'tch' under my breath before barking at him to bring me my food.

After we had eaten and rest. We set off for another few hours. I was nearing nightfall when we decided to stop and set up camp. I went to clean up at a nearby lake and left Merlin to set up my tent. When I returned I was surprised to find my tent erected faster than anyone else's. "Good job, Merlin. At least you haven't made a complete nuisance of yourself this trip" I said to him.

After dinner, I ordered my men to get an early night as I turned in myself. It felt like only minutes after falling asleep when I was woken by Merlin entering my tent. I groaned, "What do you want, Merlin and it better be good" I grumbled annoyed. That was when I saw the expression on his face, and the tear in his clothes.

I sat up straighter, instantly alert. "What happened?" I demanded. Merlin just shook his head and curled up with his arms around his knees. "Merlin! What has happened, are we being attacked?" I demanded of him. Merlin just shook his head again, "No, no ones attacking the camp" he said in a strange voice. "Merlin!" I snapped at him shaking his shoulder. That was when I noticed that he was trembling. He shrunk away from my touch.

I was annoyed and confused, I'd never seen Merlin look so horrified. "No one is attacking us?" I stated slowly, Merlin shook his head yet again and said, "Nope. Nothing like that" he said in the same frightened voice. "Then what in the world has happened to you?" I demanded getting even more annoyed. Merlin just started rocking back and forth, "I.... I don't want to talk about it" he said in a strained voice.

I let out a annoyed sound in the back of my throat, "for crying out loud Merlin. Just tell me! And that's an order" I stated firmly. Merlin glanced at me and the look in his eyes took me aback slightly. "Was it that Frederik? Did he do something to you?" I demanded of him. I saw it in his face when I said Frederik's name. I felt a wave of anger. Didn't I tell him to leave my servant alone?

"So it _was_ him, what did he do to you?" I asked angrily. Merlin looked away from me and shook his head in that annoying way again. I sighed in frustration. "Merlin, tell me!" I almost yelled. Merlin then did something that made me disgusted, he started to cry. What the hell? I was shocked and horrified for about ten seconds before I hit him across the back of the head, "Stop crying this instant! Merlin tell me what the hell he did to you, and STOP crying unless you want me to throw you from this tent!" I said feeling beyond horrified.

Merlin sniffed and wiped his nose loudly on his sleeve, "I'm sorry, Arthur. But I _can't_ tell you. How could I?" Merlin said in an ashamed voice. I didn't understand what he was saying at all. I sighed heavily, "Merlin, just tell me" I said again, forcing my voice to sound less harsh, but my sever annoyance was obvious. Merlin sniffed again and didn't say anything for so long I was sure he wasn't going to speak.

I opened my mouth to demand he tell me again. When Merlin finally spoke. "It... I... I mean... I can't say... But I swear it wasn't my fault! There was nothing I could do! He surprised me, he came up behind me, he was so much stronger than me! And the next thing I knew..." Merlin stopped and swallowed loudly in a gulp and started rocking again holding his knees tighter to his chest. I raised an eyebrow. "He came up behind you _and?" _I prompted. Merlin's eyes widened and he just shook his head again.

he was really starting to try my patients. "Merlin" I began when Merlin spoke in a small voice, "Arthur... It...He... He" Merlin gulped loudly and held his knees tighter to his chest before he whispered in a shaky voice "He raped me." The words hung there in the air. I felt my mouth pop open. I didn't know what to make of his statement. Then it made me remember that bath. And I felt the back of my neck burn and my stomach churn. I shut my mouth and then opened it several times before I spoke.

All I managed to say was, "he r_aped you?"_ My voice sounded weird and I coughed. Merlin glanced at me and the look in his eyes confirmed my question more than his words could. I took a deep breath before a thought occurred to me. I didn't want to say it but I did. "Merlin" I said slowly. Merlin just looked at me but didn't say anything. I hesitated again before forcing the words out of my mouth. "_Why_ did he...Rape" I flinched at the word. "You? I mean, were you... Well. Were you _doing_ anything that would have made him to do something like that to you? Have you... What I mean to say is, do you have a _history_ together" I felt my mouth feel dry. I really didn't w_ant_ to know.

Merlin just stared at me in silence for a moment longer, he seemed to be trying to make sense of my words. "A... A _history _together. What do you mean?" He finally asked in a confused voice. I hesitated again and took a large breath before saying, "I mean... Well... Merlin. The thing I was asking was... Have you and Frederik been well... _intimate _with each other before?" I forced the words out of my mouth and looking away. I really, _really _didn't want to be having the discussion.

I was horrified and _humiliated_ at first when I felt Merlin's... Well _excitement_ over giving me a bath. I felt my face burn even thinking about it. I highly considered firing Merlin immediately and finding me someone else. But then slowly it came to me that I wasn't all that _entirely_ surprised. I hated to admit it, but I always thought the way that Merlin looked at me sometimes made me feel a little uncomfortable. And with _Lancelot. _I spat his name in my head. I saw the same half lusting eyes when he looked at Lancelot. It made me wonder...

It wasn't like Merlin was peticularly masculine or anything, not even close. He seemed to get on a lot better with Morgana and, I felt my stomach twist uncomfortably as I thought of _Guinevere. _At first I thought that maybe he fancied Morgana, but then on further observation it was obvious that it was nothing more than a friendship thing. And Merlin never showed any preference for any maidens. Merlin's personality also didn't do anything to completely convince me of his _sexuality_ preferences either. And he _was_ a loyal servant. And I didn't _really_ want to fire him. After all, he'd never _tried_ anything with me. And I highly doubted that he would ever be stupid enough to dare do anything like _that._

Merlin answered in a slightly strangled voice, "No! Of course not! I've _never..._Never _ever" _his voice trailed off and he seemed on the verge of breaking into tears again. Something that made more uncomfortable than anything else. I could beat the crap out of Merlin if he ever _tried_ anything with me. But _tears. _I couldn't exactly beat him for crying. I mean of course it would be a highly tempting idea. But he would probably just cry even worse. "Ok, you've never... Were you then..." I let my sentence trail off meaningfully.

Merlin just looked at me blankly, "what?" He asked confused, I sighed and swallowed hard before saying, "were you _doing_ anything that would make Frederik want to.. to _have his way_ with you?" I forced myself to ask. Merlin's confused look became defiant, "No! Nothing! What do you think I could have possibly be doing for him to do _this_ to me!" I opened my mouth but Merlin seemed to second guess what I was about to say, "And No, Arthur. I didn't make any... any _passes_ at him or _anything_ of the sort! I wouldn't... I mean...I don't _ever_ do things like... Like _that. _With anyone, ever!" Merlin stopped then, he seemed to feel as if he'd said enough.

There was a long silence, and wish there was something, _anything._ That would break the tension. But nothing came. I knew it was late so I hurriedly muttered, "well I think we better get some rest, as we have to wake early in the morning. So... Merlin maybe you should leave me to sleep." Merlin then however looked like he was about to cry again. There was also a sudden terror in his eyes when he looked at me, "Arthur, Sire! Please, _please_ don't make me leave! I don't want to go back out there! _Please _could I stay in here with you! I don't want... I'm afraid" his words were all bundled together and he seemed to be slightly hyperventilating.

I hesitated, I really _didn't_ want Merlin to spend the night with me in my tent. But I also felt _opposed _to sending him back out in into the danger of being... Well _you know_ what again. I sighed heavily, and against all the voices screaming in my head to say no I spoke the opposite. "Ok, whatever." Merlin's face became relaxed and grateful, "Oh Sire, Arthur. Thank you, thank you!" He was babbling, I held up a finger to silence him, "One thing" I said, I had to make my intention _clear_ as day. "I am warning you now, _don't_ you even _think_ about trying _anything._ Because I have my sword at arms reach and I won't have any difficulty in using it" I felt awkward even saying the warning.

Merlin looked confused again for a second before his face became mortified, "Of course not! Have I ever done anything in the past...." But he faulted and we both remembered the bath. I decided to break the uncomfortable and embarrassing moment before it came to anything. "Ok, ok. Let's _try_ and get some sleep then. And Merlin" I said, he gave me a warning look, I half cracked a smile even though I didn't really find the situation funny at all. "I don't want you _touching_ me in any way, got that?" I asked. Merlin sighed, "No, I wouldn't ever want to touch you Arthur. Don't worry" he said before he curled up on his side in a fetal position.

I yawned and laid back down on my back. And I fell into an uneasy sleep feeling quite disconcerted with the whole situation.

* * *

**Alright what did you think? I know, I know. What the HELL!! I have know idea what I was thinking... For some reason someone always seems to get raped in my stories and I have absolutally no idea why? I've come up to a reason why 'Frederik' did that to Merlin after I wrote it. Cuz why the hell would he? And Arthur seem's oddly, uncaring or surprised really that Merlin just got raped! You'd think he'd react more strongly. I don't know.  
**

**And a HUGE thank you to those people who commented!! And all those who favorited and story alerted it and all that. Really, WOW! Thank You! It was because of your lovely reviews that I got this chapter up quickly! Cuz it will be a few days until I write anymore and put any up. So I wanted to give you something... Good? Or whatever it was? For something to read until I post again. =p  
**


	5. Morning

**OK, he's the 5th chappie. I said I wouldn't put any up for a few days, cuz my friend was coming over. But it damn 6pm and she still isn't here! Grr! So I finished this chapter I started last night. **

**I heard a couple of things that Arthur's reaction to Merlin's 'incident' was horrible and heartless. But really, it's _Arthur_. In the show what would he _do_ if Merlin came into his tent and said he got raped? I don't think he would like hug and hold him all night or anything.**

**But anyways. Enough of my rambling, onto the chapter!**

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**chp.5**

**-Merlin pov  
**

I awoke in the morning and I felt myself flinch. Agh, the pain. And then it all came crashing back down around me like a HORRIBLE nightmare! No...NO WAY could THAT have happened to ME. But then the crushing realisation that it really _did _happen hit me like a heard of trampling rhinos. I groaned and and rolled over into someone. My eyes shot open and my stomach dropped. Arthur, that's right. I felt a horrible twisting in my stomach as I remembered that I'd told him _everything._ That I got.... I got... _Raped. _I felt my eyes sting and my stomach churn sickeningly.

Next thing I knew I couldn't hold it in any longer and I pulled myself roughly out of the tent and Arthur's muffled grunt didn't reach me as I vomited violently onto the grass just outside the tent. I vomited a few times before shakily wiping my mouth on my sleeve and walking over to a small patch of grass a couple of steps away and curled up into a ball holding my stomach which I could hear churn and gurgle loudly. I felt so _sick._ _Sicker _than I'd ever felt in my life. It wasn't just a physical sickness, it was also emotional and a complete mental breakdown.

I closed my eyes and pressed my face into the cold icy grass, which surprisingly comforted me slightly. The next thing I knew however was the feeling of someone nudging me with their boot. I forced my eyes open, I hadn't heard anyone approach me, but then I had a wry suspicion that I'd half blacked out. Or simply gone into a moment of total mental shut down. I forced my aching eyes up to see Arthur looking down at me, fully dressed and with his arms crossed and wearing a disapproving frown just for me.

There was a second of silence before Arthur said, "Well? Are you getting up now? Or do we all have to wait around all day for you to finish your nap?" He barked at me. I frowened and looked around, it was only with a sudden jolt in my stomach did I realise that the tents and camp had already been packed up and all the Knights were standing a little ways away near the horses watching us, some with annoyed expression, some merely amused. I forced my arms away from my stomach which still felt awful.

I got to my feet shakily, I felt so _weak._ Like my legs might give under me at any second, and I realised that my teeth were chattering together loudly. I heard Arthur sigh impatient and annoyed and grabbed me firmly under the elbow and led me forward towards the horses and waiting Knights. It felt oddly reassuring with Arthur's firm hold on my arm. I felt oddly slightly less sick. But that only lasted for a moment until I saw.... _Him._ I saw him standing a little way away from me, next to a white horse. He sent me a wink and a twisted grin. I felt as if I would very much like to curl up on the ground again and never move.

I only realised that my legs had suddenly given out when I was being half held up by Arthur. "Merlin! Would you like me to _carry_ you?" Arthur asked in a furious and snide voice. I forced my legs to hold my weight again shakily. And I managed to wobble forward, being mostly led by Arthur to my horse, were he pushed me towards it. The second however he released my arm my legs gave way again and I fell down onto my hands and knees into the mud. I heard some of the men titter, and make annoyed huffing sounds. I heard a few suppress snorts.

I heard Arthur make a furious sound in the back of his throat behind me. Then I heard him order his Kinights to have a head start and go on without us. "I'll be right behind you, I need to... Have a _word_ or two with my servant here" Arthur's voice became severe and it sounded as it it came out through his clenched teeth the second part. I also knew he would be giving my back daggers at this point. But I didn't, I _couldn't_ find the strength to stand up. I just felt my arms give way and I laid almost face down in the mud next to my horse. I heard my horses munching near my left ear as she nibbled the grass.

I heard all the Knights make annoyed sounds and mount their horses. A few moments later I felt the tremors in the ground under my right cheek as the horses began to trot away. I listened to the horses and the Knight's voices slowly fade away into the forest, before I felt a rough hand suddenly grab me by the scruff of my jacket and pull me with surprising strength to my feet. I forced my legs to hold my weight, which was easier with Arthur's strong grip still holding my scruff.

"Merlin!" he hissed, "What is the _hell_ wrong with you? Do you _realise _that you've completely _embarrassed_ me yet again! How do you explain yourself!" He spoke harshly and shook me roughly. For the third time in the last two days I felt tears spring to my eyes again. "Oh _NO_ Merlin! Don't you _dare_ start crying on me!" Arthur's voice was still a sharp warning, but there was also complete panic underneath the warning. I sniffed and tried to force the sobs from taking me over. it was true, I really _didn't_ want to start blubbering all over Arthur again.

I heard Arthur make a low hiss sound. "Merlin! _Don't_ cry, okay? Listen just forget about it for now and get on your horse. I _really_ don't have the patients, or the _time_ to deal with you when your acting like this right now. Either snap out of it, or I'm gonna have to send you back or leave your behind somewhere" Arthur said seriously. I shook my head and pulled myself out of Arthur's hold and tried to get a grip on myself. I didn't want to go back alone. Just say something happened to Arthur and he was killed? That would be likely. _Too_ likely for my piece of mind. And I couldn't even consider the other alternative of just being _left _somewhere. I felt cold and sick at the very thought.

I took and deep breath and then took a unsteady step towards my horse. "I'm fine, I'm ok. Nothings wrong, I'm good" I was rambling to myself. The words were empty and meaningless but they seemed to make me pull myself together enough to awkwardly clamber onto my horse. I heard Arthur's sigh of relief before he easily pulled himself up onto his own steed. And we headed off after the other Knights, Arthur was off in a fast canter to catch up. I tried to follow at his pace, but it was agonizing and I ended up just half curling onto my horses back while it grazed happily.

Not long after this I heard the loud hooves of a horse fast approaching. I forced my head up to see Arthur on his horse come pelting into view. Arthur pulled his horse up short when he saw me and let out a loud furious roar of my name, "MERLIN!" Arthur jumped off his steed and came striding furiously over to me. I felt his hands grab me and rip me off my horse. I didn't even try to stop him, or hold on, or protest or anything. I half thought he was going to catch me, but of course he didn't. And I landed heavily and painfully to the hard ground with a loud 'oomph' as my air was knocked out of me.

"That's it Merlin! I mean it, that's _IT! _I'm going to leave you here, I'll leave you some food, water and a blanket and I'll come back for you after we've destroyed this Succubus. I'm going to leave you here. Are you even _listening_ to me? _MERLIN!"_ I heard his voice ringing in my ears and slowly his words started to mean something to me and I pulled myself to my knees and grabbed onto Arthur's trouser leg. "Arthur, no! Please, _please NO._ You can't leave me here, you... You just _can't! _I... I can't do it alone... I can't deal with this alone" I felt the tears hot in my eyes spill over.

Arthur made a disgusted sound and kicked me off his leg. "No, Merlin. I'm leaving you here. It might do you some good to be alone and think about your ridiculous behaviour!" I couldn't believe his words, it's not like I was just _choosing_ to go to pieces like this for no good reason. I'd been whipped raw. I'd accidentally gotten all _exited_ while assisting Arthur in the bath, and for having Arthur _know_ I was exited was horrible enough for anyone to deal with. And then talking about thing's I _never_ wanted to do. I'd admitted my sexual leanings to Lancelot and cried all over him. And then, oh and _then._ I'd been horribly and disgustingly _ABUSED_ by some sick sadistic bastard! When I'd never, _ever_ even been in _that_ kind of situation with anyone before. And for that to my _first_. Well I mean, really. I think that gave me a lot in such a short amount of time to deal with, and maybe I was cracking up. So_rry._

I didn't even realise what Arthur was doing until I felt something get thrown on me, I looked down to see a blanket. I looked up at Arthur as he was pulling out some food. I jumped to my feet throwing the blanket aside. "This will probably be enough until we...." Arthur was saying until he turned and saw me shoving the food back towards the luggage it came from. "No, Arthur. I'm not staying here alone, I'll... I'll probably be eaten by a bear or something" I was saying, knowing full well that no bear stood any chance against me and my magic. Not like I was going to say that to Arthur.

Arthur pushed my hands away and chucked the food onto the blanket I'd discarded. "Merlin, your staying here ok? And that's an order. And yes, Ok. You are indeed stupid enough to get yourself eaten by a bear so..." Arthur turned and rummaged in his pack for a moment before pulling out a long bladed dagger and handing it to me, "Keep this on you then Merlin, and aim for the eyes or something. Just wound any creature that may try and attack you, just enough to run for it.." - "Arthur, _please_. You _can't_ leave me here!" I cut over him, my plea becoming a real beg.

Arthur just sighed and shook his head, "Yes I can. And I _will_ be leaving you here. Don't worry, I'll come back for you ok? I don't think killing this Succubus will take very long, and the journey isn't far from here. I say I'll be back by tomorrow nightfall by latest. So it's really on two days. You'll be fine" he was reluctantly reassuring me as I suddenly had clung to his arm shaking my head in silent pleading. He pulled my hands of his arm and gripped my thin wrists easily in his strong hands and directed me over to where the food and blanket had be chucked too. He pushed me down onto the grass and said slowly and clearly, "Merlin. You are to stay here ok? Just relax and in no time at all I'll be back here and we'll go back to Camelot and you can get back to your normal happy life of serving me" he said.

I shot him a dark look, "How can it go back to normal, how can _anything_ ever go back to normal after what.... After what.... _He_" I couldn't continue, I pulled my legs to my chest again and buried my face in my arms. There was a moment of silence before Arthur spoke in a voice that clearly told me he didn't want to be asking me. "Merlin..." He said hesitantly. "mmm" I mumbled into my arm to show I was listening. "Merlin" Arthur began again, still sounding awkward. "Why _did_ that Frederick...Erm... You _know._" He hesitated making a cuss before continuing, "What I am saying is, ok you annoyed him by pulling him off his horse and then standing on his food. But _why_ would he...Would he do, _that!" _Arthur spat the word and I shivered involuntarily at the memory that I tried to suppress.

I didn't know how much to tell him. It concerened Lancelot, and Arthur had know idea that Lancelot had come to Camelot, nor about the Sorcerer bounty hunter, intent on claiming the reward for Lancelot's death. Nor the fact that

Lancelot had been following us the entire time, or how I'd told Lancelot about the _'bath'_ incident. And strangely, it was all related to _why_ Frederik _did_ what he did. But I knew I had to tell Arthur something, and maybe if I kept talking to him it would stall him enough from leaving me here all alone here.

I pulled my face hesitentally out of my arms and stared blankly forward and told Arthur some of the truth, about Lancelot coming to Camelot, and a Bounty Hunter was after him. I didn't mention that he was a Sorcerer, as that would be a very stupid thing to say. And I told him how Lancelot had been following us, but to only lead the Bounty Hunter away from Camelot and to keep and eye on me, as the bounty hunter was bound to have noticed us together. I also told Arthur that I promised to help 'hide' Lancelot from the Bounty Hunter and nothing about me going to try help destroy the Sorcerer.

And that's when it got.... Awkward..."Arthur" I said suddenly even more awkwardly than before, "what?" Arthur barked in a constrained voice. I could tell he was furious that I'd kept all this from him. But I knew it was just going to get worst. "Well the thing is....The thing is.. I kinda _told_ Lancelot about... About that _thing_ that happened. You know" I looked up at Arthur's face and quickly away again. "About...The _bath" _I stopped as I heard Arthur splutter indignantly.

I took a deep shaky breath before forcing the words past my lips. "Well last night I snuck out to meet him. Because I knew he'd been following us. I met him at the lake, and we were talking about, well, _things_. Mostly concerning you.. And err...." - "Wait, wait, wait. _What_ thing's _concerning _me?" Arthur cut over me. I felt my cheeks burn, and I avoided looking at him and spoke to his boots instead. "Well Lancelot asked me wither I..." - "What?" Arthur demanded forcefully. I kept my eyes resolutely looking at his left boot when I blurted the words out. "Asked me wither I fancied you."

There was a long silence, the words seemed to be ringing in the silence between us. Finally Arthur spoke in a low voice, "what did you say?" His voice clearly told be he really didn't want to know. But there was still a curious edge to it. I didn't answer for a long moment, I didn't know what to say? Like last night with Lancelot, I didn't know the answer to that. I'd told Lancelot that I didn't know, but I did find Arthur attractive some what. And he was pretty much the entire centre and meaning of my life right now. And I did have very _strong_ feelings about Arthur. Stronger than I'd ever felt about anyone before. But I didn't know wither they were _romantic_ feelings or not. It was all very confusing.

Plus it was a hell of a lot easier to say all these things to Lancelot. I knew he would try to understand. And that he cared about what I was going through. After all _he_ was the one to bring mine and Arthur's relationship up. After I told him of my confusion and everything he tried to help me the best he could. And he told me of the love he felt for Gwen, and how it could never be, because he wouldn't ever want to get in the middle of her and Arthur. I had regretfully admitted that Arthur's feelings towards Gwen made me feel... Well, strangely jealous. After all be did _barely_ know her. Apart from that one time he stayed with her for a few day's. He never had anything to do with her. And now he said that he was in _love_ with Gwen. It made no sense. It's not like she was really all that _attractive._ But then again I _was_ bias on that part. I didn't mention that last part to Lancelot though.

Arthur was still reluctantly waiting for my answer. I forced my eyes away from his boot to meet his eyes and looked deep into them. Trying to figure out the answer to that question myself. After a moment Arthur blushed and looked away, he saw it in my face the second I realised it.

Yes, yes I did.

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**Ok so there it was. What did you guys think? Please let me know, I'll be highly curious!! And the more reviews I get the quicker I'll write and post them, they give me a boost of inspiration!**

**Oh and After I wrote this I realised that we still don't know _why_ 'Frederik' raped Merlin. Hmm.. I was going to put it in. Oh well, I'll put it in eventually. I just didn't think the last few parts would it have fitted. Next chapter maybe? And it's nothing even big anyway. :p  
**


	6. Nothing

**Ok, well chapter 6 is up. Yah! Up to 5:30am writing and posting it for you people! :p **

**Anyways, THANK YOU for your reviews. I never have any idea where my stories are going to go. But I know the whole outline of this story. And how it's going to end. I think it might be good, entertaining. Well if you like this so far, I say yeah you'll like it. Or then maybe hate it? If you think Arthur's heartless now, he's going to keep getting a lot WORSE I can assure you. **

**Would you believe it if I said he was my favorite character in the show and I have a total thing for him right now? Lolz Oh well....**

**Anyways.. Enjoy ^.^**

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**chp.6 'Nothing'  
**

**- Arthur pov**

I rode on after the other Knights as fast as I could push my horse. I was still thinking about Merlin. I really REALLY didn't want to think about what happened to him. I knew it was horrible, truly, horrendously _horrible._

What Merlin had gone through. I did feel bad for him, but it was still hard for me to really sympathise. I mean, I still couldn't imagine _why _a Knight of Camelot would just randomly rape my servant for no real reason other than Merlin annoyed him. It really didn't make any sense to me, all I could think of is that Merlin _must_ have done _something_ to provoke Frederick to do something like that to him.

But then again, on the other hand. I couldn't imagine _Merlin_ of all people doing _anything _that would make someone want to rape him either. I had asked Merlin more than once, _why_ did Frederik rape him? But he still hadn't told me. So I had come to half expect that Merlin must have done something. _What,_ I couldn't imagine? But then again on second thought. I really didn't want to. Some of the other thing's that Merlin _did_ tell me about came back to my mind. My teeth gritted together as I thought of Lancelot being back in Camelot, and not just that, but the fact he was following us too! Maybe he'd find Merlin and stay with him or something and leave me the hell alone.

I hadn't always felt this way about Lancelot, to be honest I'd actually rather liked him. He was a good fighter, better than most. But the fact that he was also in love with the same person I was, and knowing _deep _down that Guinevere felt some of those feelings back. Well, didn't exactly make me warm to him. I pushed Guinevere out of my mind, I didn't want to think of her and _Lancelot_. And I found my mind going back to Merlin, as this was really the only thing big enough to successfully push Guinevere to the back of my mind.

Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. What was I going to do about him? I'd seen how he'd suffered after his lashings, which was worse than I'd ever seen him. But now _this._ I didn't know if I wanted to deal with his issues. I really didn't want to get rid of him forever or anything. But maybe a month or so, give him time to get his priorities back into order. Because I didn't want him around if he was just going to curl up in a ball every 10 minutes and start crying over everything. Really, he was overreacting. Ridiculously so. But then I didn't _want_ another servant. I trusted Merlin now, he was huge part of my day to day life. I suppose I could even go as far as to call him a _friend._

But on second thought, I didn't really want to. I didn't want him around if he was going to be _lusting_ after me or anything. That would be... _Disgusting. _Embarrassing. Awkward. Just down right disturbing. I didn't want him around either if he was going to get all _emotional _and _needy_ either. Ok, Merlin was always _needy_ to an extent. But I didn't want him to be all _emotionally needy_. I didn't know what he wanted from me, the way he clung and begged me not to leave him.

There was something else in his eyes too, trying to ask me something. Trying to get something from me. A hug? That was simply _never_ going to happen. Never, not in a million years. I felt my skin crawl at the very thought of _hugging_ Merlin. Or maybe he didn't want a hug, maybe he wanted to talk about his _feelings_ or something. I wasn't going to do that either. No way, not never. Why did Merlin have to be such a _girl_ over everything? Because that's exactly what he was, a clingy, needy and emotional girl. Why couldn't he just act more like a man? Maybe then he could have tried to fight off Frederik from raping him. Instead of just _letting_ it happen.

And then another thought occurred to me, maybe he secretly _wanted_ it to happen. Maybe he liked it. Got him off. After all he did say that he hadn't ever _been_ with anyone in that way before. Maybe he let it happen, and then it wasn't what he expected and came crying to me over it. Seemed plausible. But then I did remember the terrified look in his eyes, the horror. The _tears. _I didn't know what to think. I was still more on Frederik's side, I mean he was a _Knight_ for crying out loud! A Knight of _Camelot_ at that. He had honor. Dignity. I didn't want to believe that a Knight of Camelot would do something like that. It was easier just to blame Merlin. Because who was he after all? A sissy, cry baby servant boy who probably just tried to have some fun and it backfired on him.

I let that most likely scenario sink in, it was easiest to believe. And the most comforting to deal with. But I still couldn't help but feeling, maybe. Just a _tiny _little bit. Bad, for Merlin.

_Maybe._

* * *

**- Merlin**

I curled up in a ball on the ratty blanket Arthur had been to kind as to spare behind for me. I felt betrayed, no far more than just _betrayed._ I couldn't believe how Arthur would just, just.... _Leave_ me here like this! How dare he! I knew he was a prat, a real total clot-pole. But not just how... How _heartless_ and just damn right _uncaring _he could be! I thought we were friends? I thought we had something, _anything? _I mean look at all the stuff we'd been through together? Look at all the countless times I'd saved the bastard _life? _I mean ok, Arthur didn't exactly _know_ about _all_ of them. But he knew about some. Like the first time! How I'd pushed him out of the way of than damn dagger!

And now this, _this_ is what I get? Being abandoned and left out in the wilderness just like a some forgotten worthless piece of shit. Was I _really_ just so easy to be left behind like this? Did I truly, honestly mean absolutely _nothing_ to him at all? Because that's exactly how it was feeling right now. And you know what makes it the worse? The absolute worse? Is the fact that I couldn't even completely hate him for it. Yes, I did really _hate_ him right now. But I knew, I knew with every repulsive being of myself that I would still run back to him, _crawl_ back to him on my knees if he so much as just clicked his fingers at me. Love was a disgusting and twisted thing. The most irrational, most horrible thing that could ever happen to me.

All my anger was intensified as it started to rain. I didn't bother moving, I just stayed on my thin, threadbare blanket and wallow in the anger and the unbearable hurt and betrayal I was feeling. I put my arm over my face and rolled over onto my side to try and shield myself as best I could without actually moving. I felt the tears trying to push through my tightly shut lids. I angrily sniffed them back, I didn't want to cry. Not here, not for _him._ I never wanted to cry for or over, or because of that conceited prick again.

I didn't know how long I laid there, in the rain. I was freezing, really truly frozen to the bone. I felt my teeth chatter and by body convulse with shivers which was almost a compulsion. I heard the sound of hooves. I hated myself for feeling it, but my heart gave a huge leap. Arthur, he came back for me. He did _care!_ But that's when I realised that the hooves were coming the opposite direction that they should have if it really was Arthur coming back. It took me longer than it should have to realise who it could have been.

I didn't realise until I heard the person, whoever they were, get off their horse and walk over to me. Making squelching sounds in the mud. Not until I heard the surprised and worried voice of Lancelot. My heart dropped when I realised it wasn't the voice I wanted to hear, but gave an odd sorta squeezing of it's own all the same. "Merlin? _Merlin! _Can you hear me? Are you alright? Talk to me! What happened to you? Where is Arth..." - "STOP!" I suddenly thundered even making myself jump.

There was a silence, as I'd obviously stunned Lancelot. I pulled my arm away from my face and forced myself into a sitting position giving myself a head rush. Once it past, Lancelot was still looking at me with wide eyed worry and confusion. I'd never noticed before that moment, with Lancelot's face so close. That had the deepest brown eyes I'd ever seen. I'd always liked brown eyes apposed to blue. And then I realised what I was thinking about and mentally slapped myself. I closed my eyes and shook my head slowly trying to rid myself of those most unwelcome thoughts.

I felt Lancelot's hand touch me tentatively on the back, "Merlin, what happened to you? Where is..." He asked again in a softer voice, but not mentioning the prat's name. I opened my eyes and said in a hard voice and would be uncaring voice. "Ar...He's gone, all the Knights have gone to destroy the Succubus and he... _He _left me here" If I could heard the pain and betrayal in my own voice, so could Lancelot. Lancelot rubbed in small circular motions on my back in a comforting way. It surprised and repulsed me further when I half didn't want him to ever stop. But it wasn't for any of _those_ feelings. It was just nice to have some kind, _any_ kind of physical comforting, that was more than a boot or being roughly yanked off a horse. I still felt the bruises from that.

I forced myself to pull away from Lancelot. I didn't deserve his sympathy or _kindness. _Maybe. I took a deep breath as it came to me. Maybe I did _deserve _everything Arthur did to me, maybe Arthur _was_ right. Maybe I was worthless, incompetent. Just a mere pathetic, used, disposable servant. Maybe I'd out-lived my usefulness, maybe this _is_ what I deserved. Just to be left, _forgotten._ I had no one, no one cared about me. Maybe Gaius, but that certainly wasn't enough. He only promised to have me for a favour to my Mother. A Mother who was now gone, dead. All because of Arthur. Will, my best childhood friend. Dead, gone. All for who? Arthur. I've given him _everything. Everything_ that I possible could have and more, and he'd taken it all. And now I had nothing left, I was used, mutilated beyond repair and now cast aside like nothing. I am nothing. I have nothing. And I'm _less_ than nothing to Arthur. That was clear if nothing else was.

I felt something heavy get wrapped around my shoulders I looked down and noticed that Lancelot had put his cloak around me, I'd almost forgotten how much I was trembling from the cold. But I didn't think it was all just from the cold anymore, the way my hands shook. I couldn't be sure. I clenched my hands into fists to stop them shaking and jambed my jaw shut tight to stop my teeth from slamming together so hard I would chip another tooth. I forced myself to my feet, I held Lancelot's cloak more tightly around my shoulders and snatched up my ratty blanket and slouched over to the nearest pine tree where I curled up under.

I saw Lancelot's worried and almost pitying look in his eyes as he went back to his horse and pulled out something. He brought it over to me, and it was when he reached inside a leather bag he pulled out some bread and he handed a piece to me. I took it grudgingly and muttered a 'thank you'. And forced it into my mouth, not even tasting it. And feeling it scrape down my dry throat. Lancelot sat next to me, but didn't force me into conversation or ask any more questions about..._Him. _And I was grateful to that. Lancelot was far kinder to me than I deserved. Guinevere deserved Lancelot for more than Arthur deserved to have someone as kind as her.

That's when I wished I never thought of that, I felt a sharp pain in my chest and stomach as I thought of how Arthur cared so much more for Gwen than he ever did for me. And it's not like she was any _higher_ up in the social class than I was. She was as much of a servant as me. But I knew Arthur would _never_ have left Gwen behind like he did with me. Even with a dagger for protection. And I also knew that he wouldn't have _blamed_ Gwen if... Well if _he_ had raped her. I knew full well that Arthur would have done something far more drastic and be a hell of a lot more sympathetic if it all happened to _Gwen._

It made me suddenly furious. Why? Was it because she was a girl? Was that it? Is because I was a guy that it didn't matter, that it must have been something that _I _did. That I somehow _deserved_ what I got? Would Arthur have behaved differently if Gwen had cried and begged him not to leave her here all alone? No, because he would never even would have consider leaving her in a thousand years. He probably would have taken her back to Camelot. Would he have just carelessly ripped her off her horse because she was in to much pain to ride it? No, no, no. Of course he wouldn't have! He would have caught her. Carried her.

It was all just so outrageously unfair! What had Gwen ever done for Arthur? Really? How about _nothing._ Or _nothing_ compared to what I have done for him. I've done everything, I've given him everything. I would still _give _him anything. Even now, even though I knew he deserved nothing off me. I still would. Hell, I'd still lay down my life for him gladly and without a fuss. Why? Because he's my _destiny? _Or something more? It was something more, a pull. It was like everything in my life, myself, my meaning. Me as a person, my soul even was always pulling towards Arthur. I couldn't ever live without him, but I certainly couldn't keep living with him either.

What the hell was I going to do? Leave him? I knew I couldn't, even if I tried. Even if I ran away. I'd come back, I'd always come back, I'd always run to him. What the hell was wrong with me? Destiny? Or some hideous curse? A curse I could never break, a curse that left me un-hole, a curse that left me empty if I wasn't serving after Arthur, doing everything for him. Did Arthur feel it? Because if it was _destiny, _it concerned him as powerfully as it did me. As the Dragon said, we were two sides to the same coin. Or maybe this was how it worked? Maybe Arthur was heads, but it was internally and forever landing on tails? Maybe there was no such thing as chance?

Maybe it would keep landing on tails until I gave Arthur the biggest and most precious thing I had left. After all, my life was nothing without him, it already belonged to him. I was nothing without him....

That was when I heard the sound of approaching hooves coming up fast.......

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**Ok well there it was, sorry if it was kinda short. Please tell me what you think, cuz each time I wake-up it makes me all exited to read your reviews!! It makes me wanna keep writing and posting them as quick as possible! Because without all the WONDERFULL feedback I've gotten I would no way be updating this quick. As I'm a very lazy person and I need the boost of OMG people actually _like_ my story? It blows my mind ^^  
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	7. Rescuer

**ok, 7th chapter up! I think it's a little different to my others... Or maybe not. Well the first half I got writers block. So it took me a day or so longer to write the second half. I was watching a whole lotta** **Merlin/Arthur vids on YouTube.** **(I gotta make one for this story!) And I decided to make Arthur do something kind for Merlin :)**

**Well, hope you like. I don't like the first half with Arthur pov. But oh well. Can't be bothered changing it.**

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**chp.7 ' Rescuer'  
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**- Arthur**

I managed to catch up to the Knights and had successfully pushed Merlin out of my mind. I'd deal with it later, in two days when I went back and got him. And then I felt slightly bad about just _leaving_ him behind like that. I knew it was pretty bad to just dump him back there in the wilderness. But I made the right choice, Merlin wasn't going to get any better any time soon. That was clear to see. And I didn't want him around, and watch him get worse. No, worse than that, I didn't want the other Knights to be around and watch him get worse. What would they think? I knew I shouldn't care, but I couldn't deny that I did.

What would they already have thought, yesterday. This morning? How Merlin acted, they probably couldn't even understand why the hell I had such a bloody ridiculous, idiotic, incompetent servant. I couldn't even justify it completely to myself. But I could accept it easier, I could deal with Merlin easier behind closed doors. I didn't need all the Knights watching and judging me, judging _him_. Also there was another fear, a fear I didn't want to have. Even though I wanted with everything that I had to believe that it was Merlin's fault that brought Frederik to do what he did, there was still that doubt there.

I made Merlin stay behind also because I didn't completely _trust_ Frederik. I didn't know what caused him to do what he did. But I certainly wasn't going to take the chance of him doing it again. I knew that Merlin was honestly and seriously effected by what happened to him, and I didn't want to put him in any situation were it could happen again. It made me feel... I didn't have any idea at all on how it made me feel. I didn't know what to feel, it made no sense. I'd never before in my life thought about men _raping_ other men. I never thought about anything like that before.

And when I forced myself to think about it, it was still hard. I mean it makes more sense for a women to be raped. I mean men are physically stronger. But with a man, they were both reasonably well matched. Ok, well Merlin was runty no denying it, and Frederik was a Knight with prestigious skill and strength. And Merlin was certainly no fighter. But he could have _tried_ to fight. Something, _anything._ I also knew deep down, really _deep_ down. That Merlin probably didn't do anything to get what happened to him.

I knew Merlin, or I _thought_ I knew Merlin. I did know him well enough to know that he wouldn't do anything to bring Frederik on. But then who knows? _Did_ I really know Merlin so well? I didn't really know what he was like when he wasn't with me. I didn't really know what he did in his personal time. There is also something shifty about him, like he's trying to hide something from me. How well did I _really_ know him as a person outside my servant? Away from that scenario. I didn't, not at all. But I doubted he was so much different, I remembered the first time I met him. I knew then he was acting himself completely, and it wasn't really any different to how he acted on a daily basis as my servant. So I don't know?

I also felt that maybe I should speak to Frederik about what really happened. But I knew I wouldn't, I didn't want to bring it up. I didn't even know what to say anyway, how to start the subject. What would I say? 'Hey, Frederik why did you have your way with my manservant?' It just sounded wrong. I didn't want to go about accusing my Knights as homosexual rapists. And then what if he didn't _rape_ Merlin at all? What if Merlin really did agree to it, and Frederik was too rough for him? Then what? Did I want all my Knights to know that my personal servant was _gay?_ How would that reflect on me? Would they think I was the same way? That was why I had such an incompetent servant, because I really was keeping him around him for something intirely different?

I shuddered at the thought, no. I would keep my mouth shut. But now that I had that in my mind, I couldn't shake it off. What it Frederik said something? What if Merlin ever _did_ something and everyone found out? What would my Father say? Would he think that I was...... What did it say about me? That even though I knew, I still couldn't condemn Merlin for it? That I wouldn't want to send Merlin away permanently. That I liked him. That I did have stronger feelings for him that I'd had with any other male influences in my life? I'd never cared this much over any other servant. I'd never had any other person, apart from maybe Morgana. That I could ever really consider being somewhat my _friend._

Well, Guinevere, but that was entirely different. It was more than just a friendship thing with Guinevere, I was in love with her. But what was it about Merlin? Why didn't I react more strongly after that horrific '_bath' _incident? It should have made me feel more furious and scandalised than I did. I was _disgusted, revolted._ But I kept him, I didn't fire him. I didn't send him to burn at the stake. Why? If it was _anyone_ else I would have run them through with my sword. But not Merlin, I couldn't ever think of sentencing Merlin to death. He didn't deserve death. There was also always something there, an emotion? No.... Something that I had know idea what? And I certainly didn't want to be having it, no matter what that _something _was.

No I'll put it all out of my mind. And I did just that. I'd already taken my place at the front of the Knights and now lead I'd them into the village where the evil Succubus was terrorising the locals.

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**- Merlin**

Lancelot jumped to his feet at the sound of the approaching hooves and withdrew his sword. I slowly got to my feet letting Lancelot's cloak fall off me. And when the horse came through the trees I couldn't believe my eyes, it was... "Gwen!" I spluttered out shocked. Lancelot dropped his sword and ran to meet her and helped her off her horse. I shuffled over to them, "Gwen? What in the world are you doing her.." I began when Gwen cut me off and spoke only to Lancelot as if I wasn't even there.

"Lancelot! There is a man coming to kill you!" She said breathlessly. "Guinevere! How did you... What are you talking about?" Lancelot said sounding as surprised and as shocked as I felt. Gwen shook her head, "I heard them speaking, this man. I was down in the village collecting water when I heard him say your name. I couldn't help but listening in. That's when I heard how he was coming after to kill you. He said something about not being stupid enough to fall for the fake trail, and he was just biding his time giving you a head start so you would fall into a false sense of security...And I heard him say how you were following Arthur and the other men. But you were going to be totally unprotected. I set out first thing, but I do not know how far he is behind me" she cut off them and collapsed to the ground.

Lancelot grabbed her before she hit the ground and barked at me to get the cloak, I shuffled over and grabbed up Lancelot's fallen cloak and return it to him. Lancelot them draped it around Gwen and gently lowered her onto the grass. "Guinevere, what's wrong? What do you need?" He was asking in desperation. Gwen sighed and managed to pull herself into a sitting position making Lancelot gasp, "it's nothing...I'm fine. Just a little dizzy that's all. I've been riding all night, as fast as I could push out of my horse. But I'm ok... As I said.. Just a little dizzy" Gwen smiled reassuringly as Lancelot, who still looked worried.

I couldn't help but feel awkward as they both looked into each others eyes, it was too intimate and I turned away and went back over to my shoddy blanket and sat back down. I couldn't help but feel the bitter resentment I'd felt earlier for Gwen seep back into me as I watched her and Lancelot. I knew Lancelot cared some what about me, but it was _nothing_ as to the way he looked at Gwen, the way he spoke to her, touched her. And Gwen was returning those feelings back, a little reluctant and hesitant. But it was obvious that she still felt for him.

Something that made me even more furious. I knew exactly how Arthur felt for her, and I knew that he believed that Gwen felt the same way in return. But if he ever saw this, saw the way that she looked at Lancelot. It was obvious that no matter what fond feelings she had for Arthur meant nothing when she was with Lancelot. It made me furious, she had Arthur, he would do anything for her. And how it meant nothing to her at all now that she was back in Lancelot's arms. And the earlier thought I had that Arthur didn't deserve someone as kind as Gwen went out the window. She didn't deserve him, if she was always going to belong to Lancelot.

I put my face in my arms and tried to ignore them. I really didn't want to be part of this group now, the unwanted third wheel. Because I knew that even though Gwen just joined us, it was going to be Lancelot and Gwen with me as the after thought, the tag along that they wished would just go away. I heard Lancelot say my name, I looked up reluctantly, "yes?" I said. Lancelot asked if he could borrow my blanket for Gwen, as he thought she felt freezing. I gave him my best smile and gladly handed over the only little shard of Arthur that he'd left behind.

I watched feeling even more alone than ever before as Lancelot wrapped Gwen in my blanket. I felt even emptier somehow. Like I'd just given away the last small token that maybe Arthur cared, or cared enough that he didn't want me to freeze to death. I put my hand to my belt and felt the hilt of the dagger that Arthur had given me for protection. It felt cold and unfeeling under my fingertips and I suddenly pulled it out and chucked it into the nearest bushes. Lancelot and Gwen barely even shot me a glance.

I muttered something about going to see if there was a lake or something near by to clean up. Lancelot just waved his hand as to say go ahead. But it was nothing but an unconscious gesture to get rid of me. I walked through the woods alone, I wasn't looking for a lake. I didn't care. Or maybe I did, maybe I should look for one and drown myself. I wondered how long it would take for Lancelot to get worried about me, come see what was taking me so long. Probably long enough that I would have already floated downstream. If he even bothered to check, maybe the second I was gone he'd leave with Gwen and forget completely about me, taking my blanket with him.

I wasn't watching as to where I was going and tripped over a protruding tree root and stumbling down a small but steep hill. I could feel the twigs and rocks cut into my skin with sharp stings and when I reached the bottem it was a tree trunk that broke my fall. It felt as if someone had kicked me in the side at the force at which I hit the tree. I rolled onto my back wincing, but made no attempt to stand up, it suddenly felt like the most wonderful thing to do would be to just lay here forever.

And I didn't move for what felt like hours. The sun had changed positions in the sky by the time I thought that maybe Lancelot should have found me by now, or I'd have heard his calls. After all I hadn't got that far when I fell. But then the realisation that Lancelot obviously hadn't bothered to come looking for me, and obviously didn't care enough to check that something horrible hadn't happened to be hadn't even crossed his mind. Came all crashing down around me. I'd thought that Lancelot cared, I thought he was the nice one, the kind one. The understanding one, the _true_ friend. How very I'd been.

I felt stupid to even believe that Lancelot would care about me, why would he? Look at him, he was brilliant. And look at me, I was worthless and nothing. He only came to get my help in destroying this Sorcerer bounty hunter. It was clear now that's all that I mean to him. I felt humiliated that I'd ever thought that Lancelot ever felt anything more about the situation. That he cared about what happened to me at all. At least _Arthur_ would have come looking for me by now. As much as I felt betrayed and the doubts I felt about Arthur and I, I knew he would have come to search for me hours ago.

And then as the festering sores in my chest ripped open again I wished I never thought of Arthur. I wish I never thought, or _hoped_ that he would have come to look for me. Who knew? Maybe he wouldn't have. Maybe I was just deluding myself that he cared at all about me, again. I wanted so desperately to believe that Arthur did care, in some shape or form about what happened to me. After all he did say that he would come back for me, was he just saying that? No, I _had _to believe he would come back for me. Because if he didn't, if this was it. And I was just left and abandoned out here forever. Then what would be the point for me to not just completely lose any will to ever move and lay here until I died of thirst or something came and ate me? Nothing, Arthur's words of returning were the only things that I was hanging onto.

I closed my eyes, I cold breeze had started to whip through the trees making me shiver. And wishing that I had my blanket back, my crappy blanket that was so thin and ratty that it would hardly serve as any form of shield from the wind or cold. But it still would have been comforting to have it, for the point of it. To have _something_ to wrap around myself. To feel any form of comfort. But of course, like everything else of Arthur's, it had been ripped away and given to Gwen.

I rolled over suddenly and scraped my face on the bark of the tree that I'd hit into earlier. I'd forgotten how close I was. But I didn't care, it didn't even hurt. I'd deal with more pain for it to bother me. I pulled my legs up, and wrapped my arms securely around around my chest and pulled my body into a ball and curled closer to the tree trunk to try and shield me from the freezing winds. And having something to cuddle up to was still oddly comforting, even thought it was only a tree. It was better than nothing.

I a woke to the loud sounds of the birds squawking loudly. And the light piercing through the leaves. I blinked and rolled over onto my back and held a hand to my head. I had a splitting headache. I closed my eyes again and rubbed them before re-opening them and looking around. The light was weak, it was also coming from too low in the sky. I blinked at sat up giving myself a head rush again. It passed quickly and I realised with a jolt that it was morning. I'd slept through the rest of the afternoon and all through the night.

I jumped to my feet feeling still and sore from laying on the hard ground for so long, and falling and rolling over rocks and sharp sticks did that to you too. I also felt my side hurt from where I'd smashed into that damn tree. I stretched feeling the familiar pain in my back as the healing skin was tightened. I shook my head and managed to crawl up the way I'd fallen. It wasn't all that difficult and there was a nice strong root near the top were I could pull myself up with.

I looked around the forest as I dusted the dirt off my hands. I remembered faintly the way I'd come yesterday and followed it best I could from memory. At first I thought I had the wrong clearing and was about to turn left and keep looking did I see a piece of ratty material blowing dismally from were it had been blown into a pile of dead fallen branches. I hurried over to it and with a horrible lurch of my stomach realised that it was the blanker. My blanket. I snatched it out of the spindly branches and looked around for a sign of Lancelot or Gwen.

I ever called out for them, I searched for them in a large wide circle, calling their names. But I knew, I knew when I first spotted the blanket that they'd gone. Left me here. Alone. I pushed through some low hanging leaves back into the clearing and collapst back under the pine tree from yesterday did I start to cry again. I didn't care about crying now, it wasn't like there was anyone here to see. No one to think any less of me, to be disgusted by me, to be yelled at, or hit. I was alone, completely and utterly _alone._ Like I have always been in this world. I should have known to never get close to anyone, because they all will leave me in the end. It was inevitable. I was un-loved, unwanted and forever abandoned by everyone.

I curled back up into a ball laying back down on my side and pulling the blanket over myself and over my head. I stayed like that for hours, and hours again. I didn't care, there was no point in moving. Where would I go? What would I do? Nothing. It was better just to lay here and wallow in misery. I almost wished that Arthur had left me my horse, maybe then I could have stood s_ome_ chance of going somewhere. Going after them, or back to Camelot. But no, Arthur had taken it. Like everything else, apart from my blanket. My one and only trinket.

Hours later when I heard a voice, calling. It shocked me out of my trance, I hadn't fallen asleep. My heart was racing when I heard the voice again. And with a giant leap of my heart did I recognise that the voice was calling my name. I jumped to my feet, tying the blanket in a knot around my shoulders and heading as fast as I could towards the voice. Then I realised that it was more than one voice. This made me falter in my steps. I didn't want any of the other Knights to find me. I probably looked terrible, I felt as if I had been to hell and back.

I heard a male voice this time a lot closer to me and I called back out to it. "I'm HERE!" Inspite of myself. There was a silence before I heard crunching leaves getting closer my heart was thundering in my chest. Waiting to see Arthur's face again. For the proof that he did care enough to come back for me. And to search for me. But in the next second when the man stepped out from the trees did my heart not just fall to my stomach but then beat a thousand times faster. I stumbled back away from the man who gave me a horrible grin and slowly began to advanced.

I tripped and fell backwards, I hit my head on another damn tree. I knew that was going to leave a nasty bump. But nothing to what this man was going to do to me. I knew I should defend myself, this time it would be only too easy to stop him with my magic. Unlike last time he'd come up behind me. Put his filthy hand over my mouth and told me he heard everything that I said to Lancelot. And that he _hated_ dirty little faggots. Especially ones who had some sick obsession with the Prince.

He'd pushed my roughly into a tree and ripped my pants down to my ankles. He smashed my face into the trunk. He said that he was going to put me back in my place, that how I liked me being fucked up the arse so much he was going to fuck me so hard that I wouldn't ever be able to have another mans cock inside me again. He said he was going to inflict as much damage as he possibly could. I knew I should have used magic to free myself. But I was too horrified, physically gripped with so much fear and shock that I didn't try to escape. And the pain began and nothing else mattered.

I looked up at him now, coming closer. That horrible twisted grin widening further. I was frozen, I couldn't move. I was gripped with a fear so powerful it hindered me completely incapable of moving or any form of rational thought. It was worse than last time. I knew what was coming for me. I managed with all the strength I could must to force my eyes closed and wait for the worse. I felt his hands grip my thin wrists painfully and rip me to my feet. I couldn't even cry out for help as I still heard the other men calling my name in the distance.

He pushed me up against the tree, and pulled down his pants enough for me to see he was _exited_ and it made my stomach churn. If I'd had any control over what was happening I would have vomited. I felt his hand release one of my wrists and rip my own pants roughly and tried to yank them down, while he spat in my face, "this time, I want to see the pain in your face. I want to watch every look of agony in your eyes as I mutilate you from the inside out. I'm going to make you wish that you'd never been born. Once I'm done with you your going to beg for death. You disgusting, un-holy little _faggot."_

I closed my eyes again, feeling tears escape and burn down my cheeks. "Open your fucking eyes, unless you want me to fucking cut your eyelids off boy!" He spat again in my face. I didn't open them, if anything I scrunched them tighter. I heard him growl in anger and his filthy finger nails scrape down my right cheek. "And when I'm done with you, I'm going to tell Prince Arthur that you tried to come on to me. That you wanted to suck my cock. That you wanted me to _fuck you._ And I'm going to tell him that's why I killed you. Because _I am_ going to kill you, _faggot_. And you'll be begging for it on your knees like the filthy, piece of _shit_ _you are." _

I didn't know that I could speak until the words were out of my mouth, "Don't! _Please, please, please don't!" _I begged pitifully, I could hear my voice shaking with my un-disguised sobs. It wasn't so much that he was going to kill me that made me sick. That made me beg. I didn't want him to say those things to Arthur. I didn't want Arthur to go on after my death _believing _that I'd wanted to suck _his _cock. That I wanted _him_ to fuck me. No, no... I couldn't even comprehend him ever thinking that. It wasn't me, I would never... Ever...

That's when I felt his body suddenly push harder into me, but in an odd way. It was almost like he had fallen into me. I didn't understand at all. That's when I heard a pair of footsteps. I forced my eyes open as the man on me was ripped back and thrown to the ground. My eyes were glues to Arthur's face as he raised his sword ready to run it right through the man at him feet. Frederik scrambled to his feet with a scream of agony and anger. He turned around and I saw the dagger that Arthur had given me, and the same one I'd chucked into that bush earlier was sticking out from just under his shoulder blade.

"_What _did I tell you about leaving my servant _ALONE!" _Arthur yelled at the man, who then shot him a filthy look. Frederik laughed derisively and pointed at me, "Did you know my _Lord"_ He spat the title as if it was a dirty word. "That your little _servant boy_ is a fucking dirty little _faggot _who begged me to for me fuck him. He was just asking me if I would let him suck my cock.." - "NO! Arthur, I wasn't! He's a lyer! He was... He was going to rape me again! I never said anything like that, I swear! " I beseeched all this to Arthur, to try and make him understand.

Arthur ignored me as if I hadn't spoken. "How _dare_ you speak to me like that! You insult my servant, you insult me!" Arthur spun his sword in his hand and pointed it higher at Frederik who eyed it nervously. "You wouldn't, you wouldn't kill a _Knight_ of Camelot just over the depraved lies of a servant! The King would have his head" He pointed at me again. Arthur lent forward, with his sword ready and waiting. Frederik laughed again, "Oh, wow. Now I see it all. Know one knew _why _you, the Prince. Kept such a pathetic servant. We all wondered why you didn't get someone else, someone more suited to the job. Oh, but now I _see." _He spat on the ground.

"See _what!" _Arthur spat from between his teeth. Frederik laughed again before setting a malicious eye on Arthur, "I see why that you still haven't found a fair maiden. But you keep that useless servant around. Do you two fuck all night? Does he squeal like a little girl when _you _have your way with him. Does he moan like a _filthy whore _for you my _Prince"_ he spat the word. Arthur then did something that made my stomach drop, he lowered his sword and turned his back on Frederik and faced me, looking at me for the first time.

Frederik laughed again, "I knew you wouldn't have the _guts._ Your just as much as faggot as your dirty little servant. I would have loved you to have heard the way he'd _screamed_ when I'd fucked him. The way he _begged _me to _stop._ The way he _cried_ like a little bitch!" I saw the anger flash in Arthur's eyes before he tightened his grip on his sword and spun around hit Frederik with as much strength as he could muster across the face with the hilt of his sword. Frederik fell to the ground unconscious. Arthur breathing heavily put his sword back into his belt and turned back around to face me again.

We stared at each other for a moment before I said, "You should have killed him." Arthur was still looking furious before he laughed humorously and said, "it would have caused suspicion and questions" he stated angrily, before looking down at Frederik with more hate than I'd ever seen on Arthur's face before. I knew he wanted to kill him more than anyone else in his life. I felt my legs suddenly give out and I slid down the tree. I couldn't help the sobs that broke through my chest either.

I pushed my face into my arms and cried. I heard Arthur moving around, but I ignored him until I heard him speak my name. I only forced myself to look up at the third time he'd said it. I saw Arthur holding the dagger, that was shining in red blood. "I thought I gave you this for protection? What were you doing just _throwing_ it away? It's a good thing I spotted it" He said examining the blood before throwing it at my feet. I didn't pick it up. "Arthur" I managed to say, Arthur didn't say anything, so I continued. "Thank you... For well you know..." I managed to choke out.

I looked up at Arthur and he seemed to be chewing the inside of his mouth, it took him a moment to speak and all he said was, "come, Merlin. We are to return to Camelot. And I need you to water my horse before we set out again" He turned his back on me and started to walk off. I pulled myself to my feet, and ignoring the dagger,staggered after him. I grabbed his arm, I felt his whole body tense at my touch, but I ignored it. "Arthur, no. I'm seriously, honestly. So, _so_ grateful for you saving me. Oh my.. you have _know idea! _And... And coming back for me_"_ I said looking down feeling my legs might give out on me again.

Arthur pulled his arm free and put his hand on my shoulder, "Of course I came back for you, I said I _would_. Do you really think I would just _leave _you out here in the wilderness?" He said. I couldn't help it, I knew it was probably a very stupid thing to do, but I didn't care. He'd said everything that I needed to hear, everything I wanted to hear. I pushed myself into his chest and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. I felt Arthur tense up and go rigid as a bored under me. But I didn't care. I felt my sobs come back, and the next thing I knew I was crying my eyes out into his chest.

That's when Arthur must have finally decided enough was enough, he gripped my arms and pushed me back off him. He held me at arms length giving me a look of daggers. "Merlin! _Do _not, and I repeat _DO NOT. _Ever, ever. _Hug._ me again. Do you understand that? And don't you ever go crying all over me either, _ever again!" _There was real warning in his eyes. But there was more fear than anything else. I laughed wetly, before nodding my head, "of course not Arthur, I won't ever do it again" I said and sniffed wiping my nose on my blanket that was still wrapped around my shoulders.

Arthur rolled his eyes and pushed me away with a look of disgust before marching back through the trees. "Come, Merlin. We don't have _all _day." And I followed after him feeling happier than I had in a long while. But also knowing that I still should be _furious_ at him and hate him also. But I still couldn't help but feel the extraordinary sensation that was going on in my stomach, and the yearning feeling in my chest as I thought I would, wery, _very _much like to hug Arthur again.

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**Ok, so there it was. What did you guy's think? I don't know how I feel about this chapter... Tell me what you think. I was in an Arthur the hero mood when I wrote it. Oh and THANK YOU again for your lovely reviews! Believe me, you don't even have to say anything amazing, just anything. I love it all. It makes my day, it _really_ does.**

**P.S; I have know idea why Lancelot and Gwen would just _leave _Merlin like that. (I'll think of something) But I wanted Arthur to come back without them being there.  
**


	8. Rights

**Ok, 8th chapters up. This is all from Merlin's point of view. I absolutally LOVED writing this chapter!! It's kinda longer than my other chapters. But yeah, I got carried away a little :p**

**I've finally seen two more episodes of season 2, so I'm on a Merlin high! Can't wait to see more tomorrow, it looks like some witch or something is going to show Arthur his Mother? And he and Uther fight. Looks GOOD. it's KILLING ME I wanna watch it now!! **

**Well, here it is. I hope you like it XD A good chapter to celebrate Australia Day!** **^_^**

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**chp.8 'Rights'  
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**- Merlin**

When we got back to Camelot I was incredibly surprised and a little pissed to see Gwen run down the front steps of the Castle towards us. I thought she was going to run into Arthur's arms, but I was wrong. She hit me hard in the chest almost knocking the wind out of me. I patted her awkwardly on the back. I looked over and saw Arthur shooting us a suspicious but mostly shocked look. "Oh Merlin! I'm so glad that you are ok... _Are_ you ok? I didn't want to... I mean I tried to stop... I mean are you alright?" She was babbling and finally she let me go.

I didn't really know what she was going on about. But it was probably that she was feeling guilty about her and Lancelot just _leaving _me behind. Which she damn right should be!! How the hell could they have just l left me behind like that??? But I didn't know whether to bring it up or not, I doubted whether Arthur should be made aware that Gwen had left Camelot to come and find Lancelot. Even though it was to warn him, but I still didn't think Arthur would feel too pleased about it anyway.

"I'm fine Gwen, _really" _I said trying to calm her. But I wasn't fine at all. I don't think the word '_fine'_ could ever relate to me again, or at least for a long, long time. "I didn't know that you were so worried about Merlin, Guinevere. After all, it's not like he joins in with the fighting of dangerous creatures" Arthur said, there was a carefully controlled indifference to his voice. But because I knew him so well, I could still hear that Gwen's affection for me bothered him more than he was going to let on.

Gwen noticed it also and her cheeks went slightly darker. Our eyes met for the briefest of moments, but it was clear that Gwen also agreed with my assessment that it would be better not to let Arthur be aware of her coming after Lancelot. Gwen turned to Arthur and said, "I was worried about both of you, I always am. But I didn't think it would be socially acceptable for me to have run into your arms, my Lord. People might have noticed and started talk." Gwen said all this smoothly.

Arthur eyed her for a moment and he seemed to believe her. "I didn't mean anything by it of course. I was just surprised that's all" Arthur blew it off swiftly before saying, "I have to see my Father and inform him that we have returned and that the Succubus has been destroyed. Merlin, I want you to go fix my room and things up for me" he barked at me before jogging up the front steps and into the Castle. Once he was gone I turned to Gwen, "Thanks a lot Gwen. Wow, thanks again for just _leaving_ me like that! You could have said something, you know? informed me somehow that you and Lancelot were leaving. Where is Lancelot anyway? Actually you know what? I don't care anymore." I said all this highly annoyed. I wasn't in the mood to try and be polite at this point.

I pushed past Gwen before she ever began to speak and followed in Arthur's footsteps up to the Castle. Gwen followed and grabbed my arm, I pulled it away. "Merlin! I realise that you are mad, but please won't you just let me explain?" Gwen said all guilty and pleading. I took another two steps before sighing heavily and turning back around to face her. "Ok, I'm listening" I said crossing my arms. Gwen looked taken aback at my hostility, as I'd always been far too kind to her. Come to think I've it. I've always been far to kind to everyone, even those people who have treated me like crap. No more, I won't stand for being walked all over anymore.

I raised my eyebrows when she didn't speak, Gwen looked like she was going to cry. I swollowed down my guilt. I wasn't going to let her make me feel all bad for her, after she just bloody _left _me behind in the woods and then ran off with Lancelot. "Merlin, I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave you.." - I snorted - " It's true! Merlin, just after you left Lancelot heard something! We hid, and it was that Bounty Hunter! He was far closer to me than I ever dreamed he was! We had to go, he had noticed your camp! It was a miracle that we managed to escape at all!" Gwen seemed sincere, but I still felt bitter.

Gwen grabbed my arm again, "Merlin, I swear! I felt so wretched about leaving you like that! And so did Lancelot! I was so worried, you have know idea! I thought you were... I thought you were dead" Her voice broke and she tried to hide her sob. I bit down on my bottom lip hard and still tried to be mad, but I couldn't. Of course I couldn't, it was obvious that she was really and truly scared and upset for me. "I'm sorry Gwen. I was just mad that's all, a lot of... Well _stuff" _I hesitated on the word before going on, "Happened, with Arthur and all that. And I was already mad, it was the last straw if you know what I mean. But of course I forgive you, please don't cry. I'm fine" I said forcing myself to look happy and perfectly stable.

Gwen wiped her eyes and nodded, "I am so sorry Merlin. Lancelot told be how Arthur just left you behind. _Why _would Arthur do that to you? He also said that you were pretty cut up about it. That you looked terrible. What happened?" Her eyes were full of concern. I forced myself to laugh even though I much more felt like crying. "Arthur... He thought that I would somehow hinder him in destroying the Succubus and thought it best that I stay behind" I said this turning away from her and walking the last few steps and into the Castle. I tried to sound as cheerful as possible, but I knew that my eyes would give me up if she saw my face, I could feel the tears collecting in the corners.

Gwen followed me and tried to pull me around to look at her, "I have to go Gwen, I'm fine ok. No need to keep worrying about me, well unless I don't have Arthur's room fixed by the time he gets there, then I'm in trouble" I tried to sound joking. But I think I was more babbling. I still wouldn't look at her, I was pretty sure that Gwen saw through it as she said, "Merlin?" In a voice that seemed to question my sanity. I laughed and almost ran away from her down the corridor.

Once I turned the corner and leaned up against the wall and tried to hold in my tears. I didn't really know why it was all hitting me so hard again all of a sudden, but I was finding it incredibly hard not to just break down and curl up on the ground. I forced deep breaths through my lungs and wiped my eyes hastily, but it seemed impossible to stop the flow of tears. I sniffed and swallowed down hard and painfully, my throat was constricted hard from trying to hold back the sobs.

I pushed away from the wall and made my way up to Arthur's chambers. I didn't want him to have another reason to yell at me, I don't think I could handle being yelled at right now. And then Arthur would get all disgusted and mad as I would surly break down into tears again. Nothing seemed to frighten Arthur worse than my tears. I few people gave me odd looks, and some revolted looks on my way through the Castle to Arthur's room. I tried to keep my head down, but it was obvious that people didn't approve of my tears. But there was just no amount of trying to swallow them down, nothing could stop the tears from coming.

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I was smoothing down the corners on Arthur's bed almost compulsively when Arthur came in. I quickly straightened up and tried to wipe my eyes as best as I could and try not to sniff as I didn't want Arthur to think I'd been crying. I had managed to stop most of the tears by this point. And it was farly easy to stop the tears coming. But I was still pretty brittle, anything could probably set them back on again. I wiped my eyes as best as I could, and hoped Arthur wouldn't notice.

"Merlin, I want a word with you about something" Arthur said from behind. I took a deep breath and tried to put a bright look on my face. "About what?" I asked, my voice sounded husky and cracked as I turned around. Arthur hesitated as he looked at me for a moment, finally he spoke. "Merlin, about what happened with..." He stopped and gave me a searching look, almost wondering if he should continue. He coughed and did continue, "it's about well... About Frederik" - I felt my stomach contract and I collapsed down onto the edge of the bed. Arthur continued as if he didn't notice. - "Well, it would be easier... No, I'm forbidding you to tell anybody about what he did to you. And that means Gaius, Guinevere, Morgana. _Lancelot!" _The last name was more of a warning. "Or anyone, have you got that?" He said.

It took me a second to regain my voice, "why?" I chocked out. Arthur gave me a disbelieving look, "Oh, let's see? How about, because I don't need everyone being made aware that I have a gay servant and one of my Knights then _assaulted_ you on a mission, _twice. _Before I had to intercede and save you. Can you see Merlin how that might, oh I don't know? Bring up awkward questions?" Arthur said all this very sarcastic. I nodded, "I understand Arthur. Don't worry I won't tell anyone.." My voice however faulted giving my bluff away. Of course I was going to tell Gaius, how could I not? After all he'd be bound to know what happened to me the second I walked through those doors.

Arthur suddenly looked furious, "You didn't tell _Guinevere _did you? Was that all that was about earlier?" Arthur demanded. I snorted, "oh yeah, I told Gwen. But it was really quite a bother coming all the way back to _Camelot_ to tell her and then come running all the way back to the camp without anyone noticing" - "Ok, ok. Don't be smart with me Merlin" Arthur snapped, but there wasn't really any anger in his voice. "No, I haven't told anyone. Well apart from you" I said trailing off. Arthur nodded to himself, "Well, that's good. And I'll like to _keep _it that way" Arthur warned me again. I shrugged, I wasn't going to get into an argument with Arthur. And I was going to tell Gaius and that was that.

There was silence for a moment before Arthur said my name in a completely different voice. "Merlin?" - "Yeah?" I asked hesitentally, I didn't know what he was going to say now. "Well, I was thinking. When we were all searching for you in the woods, did Frederik happen to just _find _you. Or did you answer to his voice and alert him to where you were?" Arthur seemed curious. I shrugged, "does it really matter?" I said. Arthur looked at me for a second longer before shrugging, "I guess not. No. I was just curious that's all" He said slowly. There was something on his mind, something he was thinking.

"What?" I demanded. Arthur shook his head, "it's nothing, like you said. It doesn't even matter." Which of course made me incredibly suspicious, "No, what Arthur? Just tell me" I persisted. Arthur sighed before saying, "Well, I was thinking, it would have been a huge chance that _Frederik_ would be the one to happen to find you before anyone else. And if you heard him calling for you, I would have been astounded that you would have told him where you were after what he did to you" Arthur said.

I didn't know what to say for a second, finally I said. "Well, there were a lot of men calling my name. And I was just calling out to them in general. Plus, I didn't recognise... _His..._Voice straight off" I couldn't say his name. Arthur just nodded, but there was still obviously something else he wanted to say. "Arthur" I said standing up, "I don't want to talk about it ok? I just want to forget it and get on with my life" I said trying to push past him, but Arthur grabbed my arm. "Wait" he said in a voice like an order. "What? I've made your bed. I've brought up your dinner, it's on the table. I've collected your clean clothes there on the chair next to your bed. I've done everything, what else do you want me to do?" I said trying to pull my arm out if his strong vice like grip.

He didn't let me go, and as my struggling became more weak I felt the tears spring back to my eyes, I bit down hard on my bottom lip and looked away. I didn't know why I was crying. It was quite confusing. "Merlin, you aren't... _Crying?"_ Arthur said incredulous. I sniffed and wiped my eyes on the back of my right sleeve as Arthur was still holding my other arm tightly. "No" I said thickly deceiving no one. I tried again to yank my arm out of his grip and I heard Arthur make a 'tch' sound and it felt as he was about to let me go.

Then he suddenly gripped my arm tight again and pulled me around, "What is that?" He asked pulling my sleeve up higher. I looked down the same moment Arthur did to see the dark, yellowing and purple bruising staining my pale skin. Arthur fitted his fingers to the three separate marks going up my arm and said, "That... That, wasn't _me_ was it?" He looked up to meet my watery gaze. I shook my head biting down harder on my bottom lip as I tried desperately to stop the sobs from breaking through. I looked down again as Arthur brushed his thumb along the deep marks on my arm harder than I thought he should.

Finally he let my arm go, I continued to look at the bruising for a second longer before pulling down my sleeve. I didn't want to see what the monster did to me. "Take your jacket off" Arthur suddenly demanded. I shot my eyes back up to look at him, "What?" I said shocked and not being sure I heard him right. "I said, take your jacket off" Arthur repeated. I just stared at him. Arthur sighed heavily before ripping my jacket roughly off my shoulders making me gasp in pain as my arm got twisted in an odd angle. Arthur didn't care.

Once Arthur had ripped my jacket off I took a few long strides away from him raising my hands up in front of me, "Arthur, what are you doing? Why did you want me to take my jacket off?" I asked taking another step back as Arthur took two closer to me. Arthur ignored my question and "Take you shirt off" he demanded instead. I gave him my best, are you MAD! Look and took another step back and hitting my legs on the end of the bed. "No?" I said raising my hands up higher as Arthur closed the short distance.

I grabbed his arm and felt my heart race almost painfully in my chest. "Arthur, don't!" I complained as he undid my belt that I had around the waist of my shirt. Arthur ignored me and pulled it off roughly before pulling me around so my back was to him. My eyes felt like they were about to pop out of my head. "Arthur!" I started to complain in a high squeak of a voice, as I felt him roughly, almost violently rip my shirt up my back and over my head as he bowed me over the bed.

I felt my breathing becoming almost laboured, or I was on the verge of a panic attack. I cringed and closed my eyes tight shut and shaking my head in denial. I felt Arthur's fingers trase down my back. I didn't know what the HELL was going on! Arthur wouldn't... Would he? No... NO NO, he couldn't. Arthur.... He couldn't do that to me! I couldn't take it, this was the final straw. I couldn't go through something like _that_ again. I couldn't, I couldn't... I really, really couldn't. It would kill me. And not Arthur. Please, please _not_ Arthur.

I felt Arthur remove his touch from my back and say in a softer voice, but it was still a demand. "Pull your trousers down" He stated firmly. I shook my head, feeling the hot tears squeeze out of my tightly shut lids. "Merlin, do as I tell you" Arthur demanded again. I shook my head biting down hard enough on my bottom lip that I tasted blood, I couldn't help it I felt the sobs break free. Arthur didn't speak. I felt his hand hover over my back, but not touch me again before he moved back. "Merlin, you don't have to _cry _over it. I'm sorry if I hurt you, I didn't mean to make you cry" Arthur's voice was now suddenly awkward.

I was confused, I didn't know what he was doing. Or saying. What did he expect? Did Arthur just expect to strip and have his way with me and I just take it without a fuss? I swallowed down hard, it hurt and it took me another few gulps before I managed to say one word. "_Why?" _Arthur didn't speak for a long moment before he said, "_Why _what?" I breathed a shaky laugh, that was more of a sob and said, "you saved me from Frederik, and now your just going to go and do the same thing to me. Why Arthur. _WHY?" _I half yelled straightening back up and moving away to the other side of the room before looking at him.

Arthur was looking at me shocked, he raised an eye-brow and opened his mouth, then closed it. He gave me another long, almost incredulous look. Then opened his mouth again and said slowly, "Merlin. Exactly, _why _in the _hell_ would _I,_ of a_ll _people want to... To... Rape _you? _No._ Or _better yet, rape _anyone _at all?" Arthur's voice was shocked and horrified at my conclusion. I just stared at him, I didn't understand him at all. Was he just acting this way because I said _no?_ Or... No there was no _or. _It made absolutely no sense.

I just continued to stare at him. Arthur just stared at me back. After a long moment I finally said, "Ok. If you weren't trying to... _Have your way _with me" - Arthur snorted and ran his fingers over his face and through his hair, where he left them and continued to stare at me. I continued. - "Why, _why in the world_ would you ask me to take my clothes off? And then when I didn't, you roughly _strip_ me half naked. And, why Arthur would I think that you were going to rape me, I wonder?" I said going hysterical and throwing my arms up in the air. "Enlighten me Arthur! What else could I have thought you were doing?!"

Arthur let his hands fall from his head and said, "Enough!" In a hard voice. I opened my mouth to freak out at him some more, when I realised that I'd lost my voice and instead just collapsed onto my knees and curled forward so my head was leaning against the hard rug and started to cry again. I heard Arthur sigh, "Merlin? Listen to me. Are you listening? You don't have to _cry_ alright? I wasn't going to.. _Have my way _with you" Arthur's voice became disgusted as he said those words. "I was just trying to assess at how badly that Frederik harmed you. I wouldn't... Do _that_ to you. I am sorry Merlin that I gave you the _wrong_ idea" Arthur's voice was horrified but Sincere.

I sniffed loudly and didn't move, but I spoke from the rug. "I don't... Why didn't you just _say _that. What did you have to give me a heart attack! Especially... _Especially _after what _he..." _I swallowed hard and didn't continue. I heard Arthur's footsteps come closer to me. I didn't move. "Merlin, I didn't mean to scare you. I should have told you, your right. I just didn't think that your mind would jump to _that_" Arthur said awkwardly. I pulled my face out of the rug and sat up on my knees and looked up at him. I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn't like feeling so exposed and vulnerable.

Arthur raised his eyebrows and held his hand out to me. I swallowed hard again before letting Arthur pull me to my feet, it always amazed me just how _easily _he could pull me around. And it made me feel worse, as I realised just how _physically _impossible it would be for me to escape if Arthur was to do something. Well, I could always use magic, and then get executed for it. Arthur gripped the tops of my arms and directed me backwards. "Now, Merlin. I'm going to ask you _nicely, _so no _crying! _For you to take your trousers off so I can see exactly the extent of damage that he inflicted on you" Arthur said all this in a would be soothing voice one would use while trying to reason with a crazy person brandishing a knife.

I shook my head, "Arthur, I don't want to. I _really _don't want to. Don't make me do this" I said in a shaky voice. Arthur sighed heavily and pushed me down on the bed. He paced in front of me a few times before stopping and looking at me, "Ok, would it make it _easier _if I called Gaius up here?" He asked. I would much, much rather Gaius. "Gaius I could handle. But why do you _care_ so much anyway? It's probably physically no more damaging than what you did to me with your lashings" I said in a bitter voice.

Arthur started pacing again and spoke awkwardly, "I know. I am... I mean you _did _deserve to get punished. But I think that I might have been a little.. _Severe" - _I let out an incredulous splutter, "yeah, you don't think?" I said sarcastically. Arthur continued to pace and spoke as if he didn't hear my sarcasm. "I didn't _want_ to give you those lashings Merlin. My Father directed me to, I know that's still no excuse. But he would have been furious if I didn't. I let you off easy, I did only give you 10 lashings. Something that my Father was displeased about. And since, I have felt... Well, let's just say in the future I won't be giving you any more lashings" Arthur stopped and looked down at me.

I didn't know if I felt any better knowing that he regretted giving me those lashings or not. But he still made me suffer afterwards anyway. So he was still a heartless prat. "Yes ok. But that still doesn't explain as to _why _you care about what _he.. _Did to me. And ok, I've got some bruising which is obvious" I moved my arms away to reveal all the deep purple bruising covering my body. Arthur grimaced and looked suddenly furious again. I quickly wrapped my arms back around my torso. "But, why do you _care?"_ I said again in a smaller voice as the look in Arthur's eyes had me suddenly wary.

Arthur opened his mouth then jammed it shut and ran his hand back through his hair again, "Because... Because I don't want anyone else hurting you! If I harm you, then so be it. That's my choice as you Master and Prince. But if... But if my Knights, or _anyone _else just deliberately goes out of their way to hurt you so _horribly. _They have no right! Your mine, Merlin. You belong to me. So if they abuse you, I take it as a personal insult!" Arthur stopped and was breathing heavy,

I felt my mouth open. I had know idea what to make of what he just said. Arthur suddenly pulled me to my feet again, and I gasped in pain and shock as he ripped my trousers down to my ankles. "Now, I want to see the _collateral damage_" I felt the hot tears spring into my eyes, I tried to pull away from him. "Arthur! Let me go! I'm not an... An _object! _I'm not one of your _possessions! _It's not like Frederik borrowed your best armor and returned it back with large dents! I'm a person! Why don't you see that? Why don't seem to care _at all _that I have feelings and intricate emotions! You can't just strip me when you see fit! I have rights!" I complained wiping the fresh tears away and pulling my trousers back up.

Arthur laughed loudly, "_Rights,_ Merlin? What_ rights? _You are a servant! And as your Master, I have every _right _to strip you. To whip you! To do absolutely _anything _I want to you at any given time! You do _belong _to me, you are one of my _possessions. _And yes Merlin, a servant is an _object! _And if by some crazy, depraved mood happens to strike me, then yes I would have every right to _rape _you if that's what I wanted, not like I ever _would. _But if I _did, _the same rule would apply to that as well_" _Arthur yelled at me.

His words cut me worse than any lashings ever could. I reached down and pulled my jacket off the floor then pushed past him as hard as I could. Probably giving me another bruise on my shoulder. But I didn't care. "Merlin!" Arthur said in a commanding voice. I turned around and yelled at him, "No, Arthur! I am officially _resigning _from being your personal _whore!"_ I spat the first words that seemed to fit. "Despite what you may believe, I _am _a person with some sort of rights! Even if they come under _humane _rights! I am more than a _lamp!"_

I grabbed the nearest oil lamp and smashed it on the ground. "I'm more than a _Vase!" _I knocked over a large vase. "I'm more than a... a... _Chair!"_ I said and ran over and tried to break a chair, but it was made out of some heavy wood and wouldn't break. Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose. I just kicked the chair instead against the wall. It chipped slightly. Which was good enough for me. But it felt as if I may have broken a toe or two.

Tears watering worse than ever I yelled. "And you know _what?" _I demanded of him. Arthur just looked at me as if I was merely amusing. "What Merlin?" Arthur said in an almost bored voice. It made me want to run up and hit him, smack that superior smug look off Arthur's face. But I knew I would never get away with doing that. "You know _what? _Arthur!" I yelled at him again, Arthur didn't answer me this time. I limped back and forth across the room.

"Even though I _HATE _you! I HATE you more than _anyone _I've EVER known! No one has _ever _treated me with such... Such _cruelty! _Even after _ALL OF THAT!" _I was screaming at the top of my lungs now. Arthur was still looking at me as if I was a two year old throwing a dummy fit. I couldn't help it, I ran up to Arthur and started punching him with as much strength as I could muster. In the chest, the stomach. The sides. Arthur eventually grabbed my wrists in a restraining hold.

I glared at Arthur through my tears of hatred. "Even after _all that_" I said again, sobbing now. "I still _need _you. I'd still do _anything _for you! I'd still lay down my _life_ for you! I would... I would still _love you!" _I looked into the fathomless depths of Arthur's blue eyes and forced out the words. "Arthur, I love you." Before I closed my eyes, I couldn't stand to see the hatred, the revulsion. The stone cold rejection in those eyes I love so much.

That's when I felt Arthur hand release one of my wrists and suddenly grab my chin bringing my face up to crush his powerful lips to my weak trembling ones.

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**Ok, so what did you's all think? Arthur was an arse in this chapter I'll admit it ;p How much could you totaly imagine Merlin screaming at Arthur breaking all that stuff, and the chair! Ha, makes me laugh. **

**Well I hope you liked it! If you did, review and tell me what you think cuz I LOVE reviews! I love to know what you all think of my story. It makes me oh so happy ^^ And it keeps me writing! Or, well I write it anyway just for myself. But it keeps me posting it the second I finish writing it! You get it red hot off the press!  
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	9. Hate

**Ok, ok FINALLY updating! Sorry peoplez! It was really just one thing and another that stopped me from finishing this chapter sooner! But now I'm finally done. And honestly, I think it's a weird ridiculous chapter. I have know idea what I was thinking. Different parts were written at different times, so sometimes I was in a normal mood. Then others I was in an incrediably odd mood. And today, well. I've finished it from 2 hours of sleep and spending all day out in this 31c heat! **

**Also, I'll try to write and update faster. I've been trying to finish this chap for a week! But I've started 'school' or close enough. So I have to have early nights. And I normally write all night. So gotta force it during the afternoons to write and update.**

**  
Well, it's kinda a weird chappie. But enjoy!**

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**chp.9 'Hate'  
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**- Arthur**

I could NOT believe what I was doing! _I, _me. _Prince bloody Arthur! _Was _kissing_ Merlin, _Merlin! _Of _ALL _people in this world I had to go and kiss _Merlin! _What the _HELL_ was I thinking? _WHAT _am I _doing? _I wasn't... _Gay. _I didn't bat for _both_ teams. Then _why _the _hell_ was I _still_ kissing him? I felt Merlin gripping the front of my shirt pulling me closer. And I could feel his other hand straining to pull itself free of my grip as I hadn't yet released it. I tightened my hold instead, trying to put as much force around Merlin's skinny wrist as I could.

I felt Merlin straign harder to pull his arm free. But most of his attention was clearly still on the kiss. A _kiss_ that I still hadn't broken yet. Suddenly, with a huge wave of realisation to what I was actually _doing _came crashing back down around me. I pushed Merlin off me, and using the arm I was still holding I threw him with as much force as I could muster to the stone floor.

I heard him gasp in pain, I turned my back on him and walked over to the window. I was still breathing heavily, I could still taste him on my lips. I wiped my mouth furiously and disgustedly on my arm and spat on the ground. _What was wrong with me. What was wrong with me. WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME????? _I was screaming in my head.

I leaned my head on the window frame and closed my eyes. I couldn't believe what just happened, what I just _did. _It was beyond _disgusting. _Then why did I... _Like _it? Why did I let it go on for so long? Why didn't I _want _to stop straight away? Why were the butterflies going crazy in my stomach? No, not butterflies. A thousand live bats, fish flopping out of water and writhing snakes all together. That was it felt like.

I tried to breath in as much fresh air as I could. For that one moment I'd never felt anything like it. It wasn't a want, or just a reaction. It was a _need, _a complete and utter _compulsion._ So strong it took me over completely. Everything in my life meant nothing, it was like there _was_ simply _nothing_ in the word but just Merlin and I. I _never _wanted that to happen again. It _couldn't. _I wouldn't let it. _How _could it? I heard Merlin scramble to his feet behind me. I hoped I'd hurt him. I hope he was bruised. I heard the door slam shut as Merlin left. He left a cold and empty feeling in the room behind him.

I shook my head and without thinking about what I was doing I punched my fist through the window. I felt the glass cut deep gashes into my hand but I didn't care. I stormed across the room and I was about to go after him, when I caught myself. I punched the door, I repeatedly kept punching the door. I couldn't even feel the pain, I could see the blood streaming down my fist from the cuts made by the jagged glass. But I couldn't feel it. I couldn't even feel my hand at all, it felt numb.

And then I couldn't help it, I _despised _myself more than anything for doing it. I put my face in my arms and leaned into the door and started to cry. I couldn't deal with the feelings I was feeling. I couldn't deal with I'd done. I didn't want to be feeling those feelings over _Merlin. _It was wrong, so so _wrong. _What was happening to me? What was _wrong with me? _I repeated the words again in my head.

I pulled my face out of my arms and gripped my hair painfully, "Stop crying! You are a Prince! You are _Prince Arthur! _You can't! I... _I_ _can't cry" _I punched the door once more as hard as I could and backed away and collapsed down onto my bed. I pushed my face into my pillows and screamed. I was starting to feel the pain in my fist now. I balled my fist up harder feeling my knuckles protest. It felt as if I may have broken it.

I didn't care, I dug my nails into my palm hard enough to break the skin. I needed the pain, _pain_ was good. A distraction. A _punishment. _I rolled over onto my back and pulled the pillow over my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. As my breathing gradually slowed, my fist was starting to ache and oddly _burn. _I knew I should go see Gaius, but how could I? Merlin would be there.... And besides it wasn't _that _bad. Nothing I couldn't handle. I little broken knuckle, some deep gashes, maybe some glass. Nothing to make a fuss over.

After a while, I tried to fall asleep. I was feeling pretty exhausted, I hadn't exactly slept very well on the journey. If only I could turn my brain off. Which seemed to be an impossibility. I resorted to counting sheep, when I reached about the one hundred and thirty mark I heard a small knock on the door. I felt my stomach churn, I _really _hoped that wasn't Merlin coming back.

I heard the small knock again. I ignored it and on the third knock a voice that made my heart skip a beat then drop to my navel. I recognised Guinevere. "Sire? It's me, Gwen. Can I come in?" I pulled the pillow off my face and swung my legs over the side of the bed and put my face in my hands and took deep breaths. "Arthur?" I heard Guinevere's voice again more doubtful.

I sighed and pulled my face out of my hands, "Come in, Guinevere" I said. I looked down and wished I'd gone seen Gaius first. My hand was looking pretty gory. It was glistening in blood, and the gashes were pretty severe. My knuckles were bruised a deep bluish yellow. And I was right, there was _a lot _of glass still in my wounds. I was just about to throw on some gloves or something when Guinevere opened the door and the second it took for her to gasp.

Guinevere crossed the room swiftly and grabbed my wrist and held my hand up to the light. "Arthur, what... What _happened _to your hand..?" But her voice trailed away as she saw the room properly for the first time. To my broken window and the shattered broken glass that littered the floor there. To the broken lamp, vase and the chair that Merlin had unsuccessfully broken and had just kicked it over to lay horizontal against the wall.

Guinevere's eyes turned back to mine, they were round as sorcers. "What _happened _in here? Are you... Did someone attack you? Where you hurt?" Her voice hitched up a pitch as she looked at my hand again. I sighed heavily, not knowing how much I should tell her. Well I _certainly _was_ NOT _going to tell her that I kissed.. I mentally cringed at the memory. ..._Merlin_.

I shook my head, "it was nothing. Guinevere I assure you. Merlin just threw a fit, I think I'm working the boy too hard. I'm going to give him some time off" I was saying. Guinevere didn't look convinced. "Merlin smashed your room up?" She asked skeptically. I could see exactly why she would be doubtful. I looked around the room, "Yes, surprising really. I was quite as shocked as you are." I said in an almost amused voice.

Guinevere touched my hand making me gasp and I pulling it away from her. She frowned at me, "Merlin may have messed your room up. But how did _this _happen to your hand?" She demanded grabbing my wrist and pulling my hand back up into view. I shrugged, "I got mad" I stated simply. Guinevere eyes suddenly looked scared and then furious, "you didn't?" She said in a hushed voice dropping my hand and taking a step back.

I had know idea what she meant. "Didn't _what?" _I asked. Guinevere looked into my face for a long moment before saying, "you didn't _hurt_ Merlin did you? You didn't.. _Hit _him or anything?" Her voice was full of emotion. I looked at her for a second before laughing, even though I would have very much liked to have done. "No, Guinevere. I barely laid a hand on Merlin. My hand got in this state because... Well it doesn't really matter" I said brushing it off. I wasn't about to tell her that I punched my hand through a window, then repeatedly punched the door and made it worse. Sounded a bit crazy.

Guinevere didn't look convinced, I sighed. "Guinevere, I'm fine. _Merlin's_ fine. Anyway, you must have come up here for a reason, what was it?" I asked trying to change the subject. Guinevere looked into my face for another long moment before sighing and answering my question. "I actually came up here to ask you if you knew that Lancelot was in Camelot. And that a Bounty Hunter is after him, just so you could inform you guard or what ever it is you would like to do" she said.

I felt a wave of anger as I thought of Lancelot. "Oh, have you seen him then?" I asked, feeling more angry as Lancelot had gone to Merlin and now Guinevere. Was he ever going to bother to come to me? Guinevere looked slightly guilty, "Well I actually over heard some men talking about Lancelot and the bounty on his head. So knew that he was back in Camelot so then I... I found Lancelot and he confirmed it" Guinevere said. I thought she sounded suspicious and I didn't believe her flimsy answer for a second.

But I wasn't in any mood to question her about it. Guinevere suddenly gave me an odd searching look, like she was seeing me for the first time. It made me blush, I could feel it. Then it made me stomach drop, did I look different? Could she know? No, that was impossible. I looked down, I didn't want her too look into my eyes. I felt Guinevere's fingers lightly brush down my cheek, my skin burned from her touch. "Arthur?" She asked in a surprised and slightly wary voice. I forced my eyes back up to look at her.

Guinevere's eyes looked back into mine with such intensity that it made me feel more awkward. "Arthur, are you ok?" She asked in a soft voice, I swallowed hard before forcing my featured into one of indifference. "Of course I'm fine. Why do you ask?" I tried to make my voice sound offhand. Guinevere didn't fall for my bluff. "Arthur, tell me if I am being out of line. But... I mean, it looks like...What I'm trying to say is. Have you...Have you been, _crying?" _Her voice faulted on the last word nervously.

I felt my stomach contract and I tightened my jaw. Was it _that _obvious? _Still? _I opened my mouth then shut it before forcing out a humorous laugh. "Crying, _me? _Are you serious Guinevere? I'm perfectly fine, I assure you" I had to admit, I did sound pretty convincing. But I still half held my breath as I looked at Guinevere, she was still looking at me with concern when she finally smiled sheepishly. "Forgive me. I should never have assumed that you were.. Well" She laughed lightly to herself and didn't continue.

I let out a breath and laughed as well, but it was from nerves rather than humor. Guinevere took my wrist again and looked at my hand with a pained expression. "Would you like me to escort you down to see Gaius?" She offered willingly. I felt my stomach drop again, it would seem suspicious if I refused to go let Gaius fix my hand up. But I _really _didn't want to run into Merlin so soon. Then another thought occured to me that me feel almost light headed with relief. "Guinevere, I really don't think bothering Gaius with something like this is necessary. You are familiar with bandaging and what not. Could you attend to me?" I asked, Guinevere gave me an odd look.

I raised an eyebrow. Guinevere looked at my hand again and said, "I don't know? Arthur, I'm pretty sure it broken. I really think that Gaius should look at it." She said seriously. I bit the inside of my mouth, "Could you give it a go? If it gets really bad I'll go to Gaius. But just for now could you just do something temporary" I said. Guinevere still looked unsure but said. "Of course Arthur. But I need to go and get some supplies, I won't be long." She then bowed and walked to the door before turning back to me and saying, "And don't do anything else to hurt yourself." I laughed and said, "I'll try." Guinevere smiled and then left. I let out a long deep breath and flopped back down on the bed. I raised my hand up in front of my eyes and examined my hand.

I knew that Gaius should really take a look at it. After all, I was almost certain that it was broken. But just for now, I was sure that Guinevere could do more than a satisfactory job. Not long after she left, Guinevere was back with bandaging and other supplies. I sat up and watched her as she placed the bandaging next to me on the bed and then went over to fetch a jug of water and a bowl that was in my room and bring it over to me. She poured the water into the bowl on top of the small drawers next to my bed.

Guinevere went to kneel down on the floor infront of me but I grabbed her arm. "You can sit here if you want. It would be more comfortable" I said indicating the spot on the bed. Guinevere smiled and sat next to me graciously. I smiled at her until I I saw the instrement she picked up, it looked like a blunt pair of scissors or something. "What is that for?" I asked pulling my hand away, Guinevere smiled and pulled on my wrist. "It's to get the glass out of the cuts. You can't leave them in unless you want to get a terrible infection" She said sternly. I sighed and let let her pull my hand closer to her.

I watched as she washed the excess blood away and winced as she started to pull the glass out. I tried to hide how much it was _really_ stinging. I saw her smile a few times in a way that made me think that maybe I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought. "Some of the cuts are pretty deep, I think they really should have stitches" Guinevere said in a disapproving voice as she bandaged my hand up. "It's good enough for now. Besides I think you did a splendid job" I said. Guinevere just laughed and shook her head.

After she finished bandaging, she gently pressed her lips to my hand. I felt my heart thud unevenly. I was suddenly seized with a strong desire to prove something to myself. I suddenly pulled Guinevere's face up gently before crushing my lips against hers with passion. I pushed her down onto the bed. I felt her weak resistance. _This _was the way it was suppose to be. A _Women. _I, Arthur Pendragon desired no one but _Guinevere_. I was pleased when Guinevere started to respond back.

I tried to keep my mind well away from..._Merlin. _I didn't know what that was before. A moment of confusion and madness. I didn't _fancy _Merlin. I didn't _anything _Merlin. And I tried to redirect my thoughts and feelings back to Guinevere, _completely _on Guinevere as I knew I was starting to get _exited _after thinking about that _kiss. _No, I didn't. I was exited over Guinevere. Beautiful, lovely, _sexually appealing _Guinevere. And it turned me on when she moaned, when she pulled my closer. The feel of her soft warm _womanly _body and curves. Not Merlin's bony, scrawny little weedy body. No, stop right there! Not thinking about Merlin remember? I mentally slapped myself.

I felt Guinevere try to pull my shirt up, and I pulled back off her and ripped it over my head and pulling her skirts up to reveal her undergarments before crushing my mouth and body back on top of hers. That's when I heard a knock on the door, I groaned and ignored it. I felt Guinevere however stiffen and try to push me back. I knew she would be freaking out about being caught in this situation with the Prince in my chambers. And ordinarily I would have agreed completely. But I half hoped someone would walk in and catch us. Spread the news that Prince Arthur had been caught in a moment of passion with a hand maiden in my chambers.

Guinevere was really fighting me now, I groaned and pulled back. She was breathing heavy and giving me a shocked and warning look as the person who had knocked suddenly opened the door. My moment of expectation of being caught was dashed immediately when I saw it was none other than bloody Merlin. He was holding a tray of food. I saw him stop dead in his tracks and look shocked before I swore I saw a flash of betrayal then hurt before he smoothed his expression into one of guilty surprise. "Oh, sorry. I didn't know that you two were..." He trailed off.

Guinevere was flushed as quickly tried to pull her skirts down. She looked mortified. She was suddenly on her feet flattering her clothes and bustled something about chores as she dashed for the door. I jumped off the bed and pushed Merlin out of the way as I grabbed her arm and pulled her around to crush my lips back to hers in the most passionate kiss I could possibly muster. Guinevere didn't protest and when I pulled back and set her firmly back on her feet she was breathless and she scurried out of the room half dazed saying a breathless, "Merlin" as she passed him.

I watched after her for a second before moving back over to my bed. Merlin went and placed the food on the table. "I err... I brought you up your dinner Sire" Merlin said with his back to me. I could hear repressed emotion in his voice. "Very good" I said. There was a moment of silence before Merlin swiftly walked back towards the door, he never looked at me. "If there's nothing else you need, I have chores for Gaius that I need to finish." Merlin's voice was cracking I could hear it. Merlin was about to leave when I jumped up and slammed the door before he could leave.

Merlin forced himself to look at me. I was annoyed to see tears in his eyes again. But he had a determinedly straight look on his face. "Merlin" I began slowly, I felt my face begin to get hot. I didn't know how to say what I needed to say. "Sire?" Merlin said in forced politeness. I took a deep breath before saying, "What happened... I mean to say is.. It was nothing. It meant absolutely _nothing. _I don't know what came over me" I coughed. It was so damn embarrassing.

But I forced myself to continue. "It was nothing, like I said. A moment of complete and utter madness. I was... I was... What I mean to say is, it will _never _happen again" I stated firmly. Merlin bit his lip and just nodded. I could see the tears looking on the verge of spilling over. "We must never speak of this again. You must never speak of it to another living soul. You can't ever even think about it from this moment on. It never happened, you got me?" I said feeling my cheeks burn.

Merlin took an un-steady breath before forcing a grimacing smile onto his face. "Of course, Sire. I understand completely. It never happened, it meant nothing. _I _mean nothing" he said and his voice cracked slightly at the end. I sighed before taking another deep breath. "Merlin" I said. "I didn't say... I didn't mean to imply that you meant _nothing. _If that were the case I wouldn't have kept you around for so long. But, keep in mind. That my.. My _feelings _for you are well... Nothing in the _romantic_ sense." I felt my stomach squirm on those words.

Merlin just nodded and a tear managed to escape. I sighed heavily, "you don't have to _cry _over _everything. _Honestly Merlin, could you even be more of a girl? It's sickening." I said giving him a disgusted look. Merlin looked down and laughed stuffily as if he had a bad head cold. "Really? Well, it didn't seem to bother you earlier when you decided to kiss me" Merlin said. I gasped, "What did I just tell you? You are _never _to speak of that again!" I hit him in the chest and he looked up with wet defiant eyes. "If you _ever _bring that up again. God help me Merlin, I won't hesitate to give you _a hundred lashings!" _I warned.

Merlin glared at me. And I glared back seriously. Merlin finally said slowly and looking down again not meeting my eyes. "Can I ask just one question?" He said. I hesitated, "depending on what it is" I said slowly myself. Merlin nodded to himself before forcing his eyes back up to look at me. "_Why _did you kiss me? I have to know." Was his question. I groaned and rubbed my hands over my face before giving him a warning glare and shaking my head, "No, Merlin. I'm never going to answer that" I stated bluntly and walking away from him back to lay down on my bed.

I heard Merlin's footsteps after a second walk over to me. "Arthur, I _have _to know. I... I _need _to. Listen, you don't have to be... _Embarrassed _or anything, I promise. It's not like I'm going to judge you or anything. How _can _I?" Merlin was saying. I closed my eyes and draped my arm over them. "Merlin" I said, "I can't tell you, ok?" - I heard him splutter, so I continued - "I _can't _tell you. Because, _honestly _I have absolutely no idea myself. I don't know _why_ I did it. Your guess is as good as mine... No wait, ignore that. Your guess is in no way as good as mine. No, I am not _secretly _in love with you. I don't find you in anyway physically attractive. And.." I began sitting up and looking at Merlin.

"_Even _if I _did._ Go _that way. _Which I don't! But _if _I did. Seriously, why in hell would I go for you? You are incompetent, useless. _Brainless. _Weak. _Scrawny _as some... Some mangy dog. A _servant" - _Merlin cut over me here. "Ha! You can't use the servant excuse Arthur, not after Gwen" he said seriously. I just snorted, "So? Ok, Guinevere _is _a serving girl. But she is a very, _very _fine looking serving girl. Whilst you Merlin, are as attractive as a lets say? Wet rag." I said smirking at my joke. Merlin snorted humorously. "Oh _really?_ But I guess I was still attractive enough for you to" - "Merlin, I'm warning you!" I cut over him deadly.

Merlin laughed humorously again and shook his head angrily. "No, Arthur! You can't just go around _kissing _me like that! Ok? You just... You just _can't! _And it wasn't like it was just a quick peck or anything either! It was a good solid long open mouthed kiss! And there is _nothing _you can say that will change the fact that it happened! You _kissed_ me Arthur! And you can't deny that you didn't feel _anything. _You did, I know that you did! You felt it, that... That _yearning. _That _wanting. _I know that you felt it too, I could tell from your kiss. It was like fire, deep in your bones. In your heart, your soul. Arthur I _know _that you felt it. Please, just say that you did! You don't have to lie to me. I understand! I know it's confusing... I _know _that but Arthur" -

"Merlin! Shut up!" I suddenly warned him getting off the bed and standing threateningly close. Merlin's eyes filled with fresh angry tears as he looked at me. "Arthur, you can't..." He said again biting down on his trembling lower lips. I grabbed his upper arm tightly with my good hand. "Merlin listen to me" I said. He just shook his head and looked down. "Merlin? Listen. I... I don't know what you want me to say? Do you want me to say that I _liked _kissing you? That I felt it, everything that you said? That... That maybe when I was with Guinevere just now, even _thinking _about it made me more exited than it should have any right to? Is that what you want to hear? Because, it's not true. I _didn't _feel anything. There was _nothing _in it for me. I'm sorry, Merlin. I am honestly truly _sorry _that I made you believe that... That I felt anything close to how you want me to feel for you. But I don't, I just don't. And I never will" I said feeling my heart race as I did feel everything.

I felt Merlin shake under my grip. "You did. _I know_ you did" his words became more like a begging as he looked into my eyes. I shook my head, "I didn't. I'm sorry" I said in a finalising tone. Merlin swallowed down hard and he was still looking deep into my eyes, I wished he wouldn't. Suddenly there was a sudden resolve form in his eyes and before I could think anything further on it, Merlin suddenly pulled me forward moulding his lips to mine with almost frenzied intensity. I felt him rip his arm free of my hold and move his hand to around the back of my my neck pulling me even closer before gripping my hair almost painfully.

I was shocked for a good half a second but it was enough for Merlin to use it to force my mouth open enough to trace his tongue across my lower lip and in further until I felt his tongue touch the tip of mine before I managed to get a hold on the situation. I tried to pull him off me one handed, but it was more difficult than I would have thought. I knew, I _knew_ that it shouldn't be difficult in the slightest. But there was that part of me, that part that frightened me to no end that didn't want to push him away. That instead wanted to pull Merlin closer. A part of me that liked the feeling of him pressed up against my bare chest. His hand gripping too tightly in my hair, but still not tight enough.

I managed to get a hold on that feeling just long enough to push him off me. Merlin tripped backwards and hit the side of the bed before sinking to the floor. I looked down at him breathing heavy as he looked up at me with red lips breathing heavy also. Merlin pulled himself up off the floor onto the bed slowly. "Merlin!" I complained severely but also still breathlessly. There was a smile starting to form on Merlin's lips as he looked up at me taking in deeper breaths. I closed my mouth and forced my breathing to slow through my nose.

Finally I managed to speak again. "Merlin, _what _did I just tell you? I. Still. Didn't. Feel. _Anything_." I said each word separate and distinct to make him laughed breathlessly before raising an eyebrow and cocking his head to the side. "Oh, I don't know about that, Arthur. I think you definitely felt _something, _I know I sure did." Merlin's voice was oddly smug. I glared at him in confusion for a second before my eyes widened and I felt horrified with myself. I followed Merlin's eyes and saw to my absolute utter disgustment that I was feeling all _exited _again. And I got exactly what Merlin had meant.

"Merlin!" I complained angrily walking backwards before sinking into one of my chairs. I leaned forward to hide everything. Merlin was still looking smug. I closed my eyes and put my face in my hands and tried to calm myself. It was so damn _embarrassing. _I couldn't _believe _that my body had betrayed me in such a way. How was I ever going to try and convince Merlin now that I didn't feel anything for him after _this! _It was horrible, sickening_. Confusing! _That's what it was, _confusing. _It was all so impossibly confusing. I couldn't get my head around it. What in the world was _wrong _with me? I shouldn't be feeling any of this. It was w_rong. _So, so _wrong. _And _yet_... It felt far more right than it _ever_ should.

I heard Merlin's voice. "Arthur, you don't have to be embarrassed. I don't care, _honestly. _I mean, it's flattering really." Merlin was saying when I forced my face out of my hands to glare at him. "Merlin, shut up. Don't get to full of yourself. It had nothing to do with _you" - _Merlin opened his mouth to protest - "Is _doesn't! _I was already... _Exited _from being with Guinevere, and well obviously my... _feelings..._Got mixed up a little and got _confused" _I said the last word through my teeth as Merlin was now smirking in a way that should be illegal.

I growled at him. "Merlin, I swear. Wipe that stupid smirk off your face before I it collides with my fist" I said warningly. Merlin tried to force it away, but he was still looking way too damn pleased with himself. Merlin then got off my bed and walked slowly over to me. "Stay away from me, Merlin. I'm, warning you!" I said raising my hand up in warning. Merlin didn't seem fazed by my warnings in the slightest. When he reached me I leaned as far back into my chair as possible. Merlin touched my wrist, I jerked my hand away from him.

Merlin didn't seem perturbed by my rebuff. "What happened to your hand? I heard glass smash just after I left." His eyes raked over the mess of the room and too the broken window before looking back at me. "You didn't _punch _a window?" He said looking mildly concerned. I snorted. "Merlin, go away!" I ordered him. Merlin shook his head again and cocked it to the side again, that smirk starting to reappear. "I'll go once you admit that you _feel _something for me Arthur" he said smirking full out again.

I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't budge. "I don't. I'm not going to lie" I lied. Merlin just went 'hmmm' before standing directly in front of me putting both hands on my armrests and leaning in closer. I leaned back as far as the chair permitted me. "Say it again" he said. "Nothing" I stated firmly. Merlin leaned in closer, his mouth was centimetres from mine. I could feel my breathing become more shallow and my heart rate elevate. Merlin raised his eyebrows "say it again" he almost whispered as I felt my whole my stiffen as he suddenly grabbed the whole source of my '_excitement.'_

I didn't want to do this. It scared me, it really, _really _scared me. I pushed Merlin off me and sidestepped around him. "Merlin, I want you to leave!" I ordered loudly pointing at the door. Merlin didn't move. "Why?" He asked. I spluttered, "Why? _Why the hell do you think!" _I yelled at him in outrage. Merlin just stared at me. "I don't _want _to do this! I don't want _you _to...To _touch me!" _I said seriously but my voice embarrassingly going up slightly. Merlin crossed his arms and just shrugged biting down on a smile.

"Merlin, I'm serious! Just go, please!" I said backing away from him further. "Arthur" Merlin began. "You say that you don't want it, but every other single thing about you says that you do. Why are you so scared? It's not like.. I'm going to _hurt _you. If anything, you'd be the one to hurt me." He said his smile fading. I shook my head angrily, "I'm not _scared!" _I spat the word in a way that gave me away. Merlin took a step closer to me, I raised my hands up in front of me. "You feel it. No matter what you say. I feel it. No ones here, no one knows. So what's the problem?" Merlin said taking another step closer.

I couldn't see were he got all his confidents from. This wasn't like Merlin to act like this. "Merlin, I don't want to" I said again. Merlin took another step closer. I wish, oh how I _wished, _I was wearing a shirt. I took another two steps back and Merlin followed me. "Merlin!" I said again in warning as he took a step too close. Merlin was smirking again. "Arthur, I have never seen you so nervous" Merlin said amused. I leaned back as he leaned in. I felt the bed hit the back of my knees. Great. Cornered.

Merlin leaned in closer, and I leaned back and was forced to sit on the bed. I leaned back away from him still further. Merlin put both of his hands on either side of me on the bed and leaned in closer again. I pushed myself back away from him across the bed. Merlin climbed onto the bed and followed. "Mer.." I began when Merlin suddenly pushed himself on me and covering his mouth on mine cutting my complaint short. I felt him push me down onto my back. I didn't kiss back at all. I didn't respond in any way.

After a moment or so of Merlin trying to force a response out of me he pulled back and sucked his bottom lip looking down at me. I didn't have any idea what expression was on my face, prehaps frozen horror. Because Merlin smiled again in that horrible, annoying smug way. "What has gotten into you Merlin?" I managed to force out. Merlin looked like he was thinking it through before shrugging and saying "I have know idea. But I think I'm liking it." He said before kissing me again, this time lightly. I still didn't respond.

He pulled back quickly and said, "I honestly have _know _idea what I am doing. Like you said. _Why_ did you kissed me. Do _you_ know?" He said looking mildly curious. "But it's always been there, hasn't it?" He said suddenly. I didn't know what he was talking about. "What?" I said. Merlin sighed and said slower, "you know. _This_. _Us. _It's always been something..._More. _You know what I mean?" He said. I couldn't help but know what he was talking about. He was right, there had always been a strong undefinable _bond. _Kindred spirits if you will. But no. I didn't want to think about this, I didn't want to believe a_ny _of this was happening.

Merlin seemed to have guessed as much from whatever expression that was on my face. And pushed his lips to mine again with more passion and emotion than before. I didn't know what I was doing until I felt my good hand grab the back of his hair tightly and pull his kiss deeper. Merlin seemed ecstatic at me now finally responding, his body responded to mine excitedly. I moved my hand away from his hair, down his arm. Then down his side until I grabbed hold of him around the waist and pulled him down onto the bed so he was under me.

Merlin gasped, and suddenly that smug look vanished to be replaced by fear. I raised an eyebrow at his and smirked a smug smirk of my own. "I thought this is what you wanted Merlin? Or did you think I'd settle for being on the bottom?" I said before pushing my mouth against his. Merlin wasn't responding as reverently as before. More hesitant and with a strong nervous edge. I pushed myself roughly into his groin. And it pleased me when I heard him make a low moan into my mouth.

Then I felt self loathing, this was honestly the lowest point in my life. I couldn't believe what I was doing. With every nerve of my body urging me to keep going. To not stop. I forced myself to pull away. I wrenched myself off the bed yanking my shirt off the floor and pulled it back on. "Merlin I want you to leave. Now." I said in my most calm but deadly voice. "Arthur -" Merlin began but I cut over him. - "Merlin, I want you out of my chambers. And I want you out of my eyesight. I wan't you to GO NOW!" I yelled the last past turning around to see him and pointing at the door.

Merlin looked at me for a long moment. He then nodded with the tears coming back into his eyes as he must have seen the absolute disgust and loathing in my eyes. But he didn't know that all of the self-hatred and horror was directed at me. There wasn't enough room inside me now to hate both of us. "NOW!" I demanded again, grabbing his arm and ripping him off the bed. Merlin gasped in pain and I threw him towards the door, he tripped of course, and fell to the floor hard. I didn't care. I turned my back on him, I didn't want to see him anymore. After a moment I heard the door open and slam shut.

I let out a breath once he was gone. I took in more deep breaths, I felt suddenly sick. Incredibly sick to my stomach. I collapsed down onto the bed and put my hands over my face, willing myself not to be sick. I didn't want Merlin to have this kind of control over me. It was sickening, a physically sickness that was only too real. I balled my hands into fists and groaning as my broken knuckle protested. Laying on my back did nothing to help the nausea, I couldn't hold it in a second longer. I rolled off the bed and grabbed the water jug that Guinevere had earlier, I poured the remaining water out into the floor. I didn't care. And was violently sick into the jug.

After I knew I wasn't going to throw up anymore I curled up on the bed in a fetal positions holding my stomach. I clenched my jaw together. I never hated myself more. It was the deepest sense of self-loathing. I pulled my pillow over my head again and tried not to cry. I didn't want to, I wouldn't. I won't. I screamed instead and held the pillow so tight in my broken fist it was beginning to feel quite agonizing. And for once the pain didn't make me feel any better. It did nothing to take away from the emotional hatred, if anything, it only added to it.

"MERLIN I HATE YOU!!" I screamed and threw the pillow across the room. Before feeling the hated tears betray me.

* * *

**Ok, so there it was. I have know idea what I feel about this chapter... It's kinda what the hell. I didn't want to get into this all so soon but oh well. And a lot of it I was in a weird mood, and watching 'American Beauty' - from the begining with Arthur, beating himself up for crying lol**

**Well, hope you don't think it's too WHAT THE HELL! But meh, lol.  
**


	10. Warnings

**Alright, _finally _the 10th chappie! Sorry about this people, I have just been so damn tired lately, early 6:30 am mornings are taking their toll. Well, here it is. I had to drag this chapter out, some parts were easier than others. But writers block galor, mostly cuz I was writing all at different times again. **

**Well, I hope you like it! **

**If not, I give you permission now to slap me. :p  
**

* * *

**chp.10 'warnings'****  
**

**- Merlin.**

I slammed Arthur's door behind me loudly. I quickly tried to wipe the tears from my eyes. I felt suddenly weak, shivery. I forced my legs to move, my legs felt like lead and wobbly at the same time. I couldn't believe what just happened. I couldn't believe what _I _had just done! _WHY _would I do that to Arthur? Why would I try to... Try to... _Seduce. _That was the word. Why the _hell _did I just try to seduce _Arthur! _What the _HELL _was wrong with me? I was in a state of semi-shock I think. I couldn't even begin to think what on earth got into me.

I remembered back to when I was all crying and had un-wittingly proclaimed my un-dying love to Arthur. Something I _never_ wanted to do. And then instead of Arthur pushing me away, or hitting me. He'd.. _Kissed _me. Right there, just like that! I just couldn't believe he'd _kissed_ me! I felt my stomach tingle and my heart beat faster thinking about it. I didn't have any experience with that kind of thing, I mean sure Gwen did kiss me that one time. Which was pretty awkward, it's not like I thought it was _disgusting _or anything. Just that I didn't feel anything at all, and it was over pretty quickly, thank heavens for that!

Arthur's kiss, I definitely had felt _something_ alright! It was like there was no one else, nothing else at all on the planet other than just the two of us. It didn't even feel like the two of us, it felt like we were one. Joined. _Complete. _More complete than I'd ever felt in my life, even thinking about how it was for that one long drawn out moment made my heart ache of emptiness, like it was yearning to feel whole again. We were joined now, more entwined than ever before. Despite the fact that Arthur had thrown me to the ground straight afterwards, meant nothing. I knew he felt it, felt the same thing I was feeling.

I thought back to only moments ago, back in Arthur's chambers. I thought back to when I walked in and the sudden anger that bubbled in my veins, I remembered only too clearly the way Arthur and Gwen had been together on Arthur's bed. I knew the way that Arthur felt for Gwen, I knew it shouldn't have surprised me the way it did. I mean of course Arthur was going to try and reinstate his '_manhood' _as fast as he possibly could after falling into that weak moment of passion with me. But it still made my blood boil, still made me bite down hard. Still made me crazy jealous.

_Jealousy. _It was an emotion I'd felt before, I was only human. But _nothing_ like this. When I'd opened the door and saw them together, I wanted to grab Arthur's sword and run Gwen right through with it. I wanted to run over there and rip her off that bed, slap her and throw her from the room. It made me bite down _harder _as I remembered the way Arthur had his hands all over her. I _hated _it. I couldn't help but feeling betrayed as well, I mean Arthur went and jumped in the sack with Gwen mere hours after he'd passionately kissed me. I knew it was ridiculous to think how that would ever change anything, and was probably the whole reason as to _why _Arthur jumped Gwen the first chance he got. Even though I knew all this, it still hurt. A lot.

I shook my head and forced my legs faster down the corridor. I tried to not about Arthur and Gwen, it hurt and infuriated me too much. And anyway, on a lighter not. Even though what just happened was the most shocking and what the HELL moment of my life, it was still one of the best. Most _exiting _thing's that I'd ever experienced. I felt... I didn't even feel like me, I felt like someone else. I felt _powerful. _Sure I've felt powerful before, with my magic. But not like this, this was different. _So _different to anything else I'd ever felt before in my life.

It was amazing, I knew that I completely freaked Arthur out. Something that added to the high I think. I tried to suppress a smile as I walked past some guards as I thought back as to how I'd actually gotten Arthur all _exited. _One of the guards gave me an odd look, I forced my a straight look onto my face as I was sure the odd look I'd received was due to me grinning like an idiot. I knew that Arthur had pushed me away again afterwards pretty quickly, but I also knew that he could have pushed me away a lot sooner than he did.

And that thought made me grin wider in spite of myself. I knew that Arthur had probably been with more than one girl in his life, that was pretty obvious, even though he never mentioned it. But I knew that he'd been with a few fair maidens in his time. I hadn't been with anyone, well apart from.... NO! Stop right there! I will NOT think of... of..._Him. _I forced his face, and what he did to me almost successfully from my mind as I let Arthur flood it out. I tried to only and completely think of Arthur.

It worked fairly well, but I still had that deep sickened feeling just under the surface. I forced my mind on Arthur, and back to what I was originally thinking. I had no _experience _with anything. And this, well Arthur had no experience with this kind of thing either. Sure he'd been with _girls. _And it probably wasn't all _that _different. But emotionally, physically somewhat and _mentally _it was pretty different. Maybe not for me, but for Arthur yes. Arthur was in every real sense completely and utterly _straight._ But then again, what the hell was he doing kissing me? Getting sexually exited over me, and then pushing me down onto the bed? If Arthur w_as _as straight as he liked to believe then why the _hell _would he do all that?

Maybe that was the thing, maybe Arthur wasn't straight. That was why he acted all _macho _all the time. Over compensating, maybe that was why he treated me so horrible all the time was because he actually secretly _fancied _me. Made sense, it made a lot of sense thinking about it. After all, if he really thought I was as useless as he always said, if he really did not like me the way he wanted me and everyone else to believe. Why then would he go out of his way to save me? To help me? Lie to his Father for me? It made no sense. He liked me, and all the words he may say, nothing could change that right in this second for me.

Obviously it was something that Arthur's been repressing for who knows how long. Arthur was just blaming me for these feelings he didn't want to be having, these feelings that scared him. That much was obvious as anything, Arthur never got scared when facing an adversary or going into battle. But this, _me. _Scared the hell out of him. I could see it in his eyes, his face, his voice, his body language. It scared him more than anything else had ever done before. Probably because he was so out of his element.

Arthur always has to be the leader, be in control. Be the best. And well this was something that made him feel insecure, nervous, self conscious perhaps too? Arthur had no more idea on what to do than I did. How to go about it, maybe less. I didn't know what Arthur thought about, but I certainly knew that I thought about what I wanted to do, and what I wanted to happen a lot more than I probably should. I knew that Arthur liked Gwen, that was obvious as well. So that was kinda confusing, did Arthur like maidens _and_ men? Or was it just me?

That thought made me think, maybe Arthur didn't like other men at all. Maybe he was mostly straight. Maybe it _was_ just me, after all there has always been that instant bond between us. And the Dragon said that Arthur was my destiny and all that stuff. Maybe there was something bigger and more mystical going on that I'd ever originally thought? Maybe the heavens, the spirits were pushing us together. I felt the pull - Arthur may deny it - but I knew that he felt it too. After all, Arthur wasn't really my type. And I'd never really thought all that romantically about him in the past. _Physically _yes. But no more than I would have if I was attending to and helping to dress any other somewhat attractive guy.

But _now_, I felt it more powerfully than ever before. Maybe something was happening? Maybe something _big _was happening. I didn't know what. And it was our destiny pulling us together more powerfully than ever before, this was probably why Arthur was _really _starting to feel it now like never before. That made a lot of sense as well. And it seemed to go with what Arthur's explanation to me when I asked him why did he kiss me. Arthur said he had absolutely no idea as to _why_ he kissed me. He wouldn't have any idea if it were true, our destiny's pulling us together in an undefinable way. Arthur knew nothing about him being my destiny, or anything to do with us being the whole 'two sides to the same coin' thing.

If that was all true, which seemed pretty likely. Would it be wrong then to encourage Arthur? If he kissed me again - Something right now, I wouldn't completely rule out - Should I then kiss him back? Or should I push him away? Leave? Tell him no? My heart felt as if it was being crushed with an iron first as I considered that. But was it right to confuse Arthur more than he already was? If it wasn't really completely Arthur's feelings for me on his own, if it really was the heavens pushing us together, taking away our free wills. No, I knew that I would have probably loved Arthur even without the destiny thing. But Arthur wouldn't. Arthur wouldn't be feeling any of this at all.

Was it right then to just let it happen? Was it taking advantage of the situation in a way, as I had more insight into what was happening than Arthur did. But even so, even if it _was _destiny. That maybe it was _destiny _that we should be together. Maybe it would be worse, maybe it would be wrong to deny what was happening, to fight it. The Dragon did say that Arthur was my future, was this the way that he meant? I couldn't really imagine that. But you never know, what I was feeling now was impossibly strong, and it must be that way for Arthur too. Because if was really that much weaker for him, I knew he wouldn't have kissed me. I knew he wouldn't have in anyway given in to those feelings for me he really shouldn't be having.

I didn't know what to think, what to do. How to act. I wouldn't push it, I'll just let what may happen unfold naturally. And if it is destiny, and we are meant to be together. Than I guess it's just fate. Who am I to deny it? I liked that thought, I felt comfort from that thought. I felt suddenly light, happy. I didn't realise that I was half skipping when I heard someone snort from behind me. I stopped short and turned around and my heart dropped. Frederik was leaning against the wall in the corridor I'd just past. I hadn't been paying attention. I hadn't noticed him at all.

I wanted to run, I wanted to run all the way back to Gaius, no I wanted to run back to Arthur. I _needed _Arthur. I knew that I'd saved Arthur countless times, that I'd used my magic more powerfully than I ever dreamed I was capable of. But not now, I couldn't. When _he _was looking at me like that, when _he _was swaggering towards me. I felt nothing but numbing, all consuming fear. "Merlin" Frederik sneered my name making my skin crawl. " Why are you so happy? Just coming home after sucking your masters dick? You filthy, disgusting, depraved.. Egh." He was too disgusted to continue and shook his head in revulsion.

I couldn't move my jaw, I couldn't move my mouth to speak. I couldn't do anything. I just stared in horror as he came closer. "What scared are we? Realised that there's no Arthur coming to save you? Like the first time, nothing this time to stop me from doing what I had planned. Oh, Merlin. Your going to be screaming for Arthur to save you." He took the last few steps until he was standing right in front of me. I tried to move my feet, to run. But nothing, my joints were frozen. I couldn't move a muscle. All I could do was stare into his evil cold merciless eyes in fear.

He suddenly grabbed me by the scarf and pushed me up against the wall. I felt him brush his horrible fingers now my cheek to my jawline none to gently. I felt my skin crawl as if it was maggots touching me. I heard a voice speak and my heart began to beat fast. I recognized that voice. "Lancelot!" I managed to choke out, Frederik let me go instantally and stepped away. I forced my head to turn and saw Lancelot watching us with wide eyed surprise. Frederik just made a growl sound before he suddenly swept down the hall past Lancelot and we watched him until he was out of sight.

Once he was gone I felt my body slowly start to come back to me, I could move again. I felt breathing slow to a more even pace. It had been so close, _again. _This couldn't go on, I couldn't just keep living in fear of running into that horrible arsehole and getting violated. Something had to be done about it. Then I thought on how Arthur, while being a complete and utter bastard said that I belonged to him, and he didn't want anyone else hurting me. Maybe I could tell Arthur about what happened, tell him that _Frederik _had it out for me and that he was most likely waiting for a good opportunity to get back at me after the whole knife in the back and Arthur saving me thing.

I looked up as Lancelot spoke my name. I looked into his deep brown eyes. I'd forgotten just how amazing I found his dark dreamy save the world eyes. And then I felt kinda pissed. I knew I should be forever grateful to Lancelot for saving me just now. But I felt angry as I thought back as to how he totally ignored me when Gwen got to our camp, and then how they'd just run off together without informing or even coming back for me, to see if I was alive or not. I _trusted_ Lancelot. I believed he cared about me, he made out like he did. But then on the first chance he got he totally betrayed and then ditched me for Gwen.

"Lancelot" I said in a frosty voice and walking away. Lancelot followed, "Merlin, I'm sorry about leaving you before. It's just that there was no other way.." - "_No_ other way?" I cut over him and spun around. "No bloody _other way! _Gwen told me everything! I mean sure, ok I understand that the Bounty hunter was there and you had to flee. But how about _after _he was gone. Oh I don't know? Ever thought about _coming back_ for me! I could have been _dead _for all you care! I thought you _cared_ about me Lancelot! But obviously that was all a HUGE fake act that you put on! What do you expect of me? Did you think that you could just come here and suck up to me, make me believe that we were friends, and that you _liked_ me. Just to get me to do something for you. And then on the first chance you get, you totally stick it up my arse and run off with bloody _Gwen!_ Thanks a lot! Now leave me alone I'm not in the mood for you and your lies!" I yelled and then stormed up the corridor and away before he had a chance to speak.

I knew I probably just went a little overboard just then. I felt kind of embarrassed actually. I'll apologize later, Lancelot can have some time to think about what he did. It was only fair. After all, it was true, he came here asking for my help to save his life and then he ran off and pretty much left me for dead. What an amazing friend. I knew Arthur wouldn't have ever done that. But then I felt a hit of pain in my stomach as I remembered how it was Arthur who had left me behind in the first place. I didn't expect that from Arthur, just as much as I never thought Lancelot and Gwen would just abandon me either.

I pushed open the door to Gaius and mine living space. I noticed that Gaius was already asleep. It must be later than I thought. I yawned, I was so tired. Today had probably been the longest of my life. Too much had happened in one day. I couldn't even believe today at all. It was all like some weird strange dream. I still couldn't believe that Arthur had kissed me, actually full on out _kissed _me! The whole Gwen thing was the last thing on my mind, even though I still felt a pang of annoyance over finding her and Arthur _together._

But then I went and got Arthur all _exited _just from kissing him. Plus the whole entire crazy things that proceeded. All in all, an amazing day. I tiptoed past Gaius' sleeping form and entered my bedroom quietly. I then realised that I still had to clean Arthur's armor for tomorrow. As he _always _trained at 10am sharp. It was well past midnight by the time I finished cleaning Arthur's armor. I was stiff and exhausted as I fell fully clothes and reeking of metal polish on to my bed. I think I had my eyes closed for exactly ten seconds when I heard a frantic banging on my window. I was too damn exhausted to even jump from the sudden loud sound. I groaned and pulled myself off the bed. I looked over to the window and saw that it was only Lancelot, he was indicating that I unlock my window.

I sighed heavily and dragged my feet over to the window to let him in. Lancelot slid through through the window and into my room with grace and ease. "What do you want Lancelot?" I asked all narky. I was too damn tired for this. "I am truly sorry Merlin, for ditching you. I really am!" He defended himself. "Ok, ok." I said, I was too tired to argue. Lancelot looked apprehensive, "what's wrong?" I asked in an expressionless voice collapsing back down onto my bed. "I know I have no right what so ever to ask you any favours, but can I stay here tonight? I promise this will be the last night, but I have nowhere to go..." Lancelot seemed incredibly uncomfortable.

I knew I should tell him no way in hell. But I really couldn't care less, "What ever" I mumbled into my pillow cutting over his ramblings. "Thank you Merlin, you know that I will forever be in your debt. You are a good friend, and I am honered to have someone like you in my life. I could never thank you enough" Lancelot said with real emotion. I felt guilty as I remembered back to how I'd yelled at him. I pulled my face out of my pillow and forced my tired eyes awake and to look at him. "I am sorry for..Well. _You_ _know_, before. I didn't mean what I said, I was just mad that's all. I've been going through some stuff, and well. I wasn't in my finest mood and I'm sorry." I said sincerely. Against my better judgement I'd completely forgiven Lancelot and _apologised _to him. I had some serious issues to deal with. Such as apologizing to the people who actually were the ones who did me wrong.

Oh well, I was too tired to care. . I fell asleep moments after that.

* * *

When I awoke the next morning it took me a moment to realise that the suns raise filtering through my window was brighter and higher up than it should, and then a second to feel my stomach drop and I jumped out of my bed as quick as possible. Oh crap, Oh no no no. I didn't even want to know how late I was for my duties. Arthur was bound to be furious. He'd have probably been awake hours ago. I couldn't believe that Gaius didn't wake me! I threw my clothes on as quick as I could and it felt like I had my boots on the wrong feet as I dashed out of my room, past Gaius and to the door.

I was halfway out when Gaius called my name, I forced myself to stop and turn around. "Gaius incase you haven't noticed I'm _beyond _late for my duties! Arthur will be totally furious, and I'll probably get some sort of punishment for this! _Why _did you wake me up?" I suddenly demanded. Gaius was giving me a stern look, "Don't speak to me that way Merlin. Now before you yell some more and go and make a fool of yourself, the reason I didn't wake you was because Arthur sent a message saying that he didn't need your services today and was giving you the day off. I thought how you've been seeming quite down since you returned from your trip, that I let you have a lay in. As a matter of fact I was just about to wake you up now." Gaius said indicating the bowl in front of him.

Gaius was mixing something pungent up in a wooden bowl. I knew that smell and I groaned. "It is time for me to fix your wounds. Take you shirt off and lay on the bed would you." Gaius ordered. I sighed heavily and dragged my feet over to the small bed in the corner. My back was pretty much healed now. But Gaius still wanted to keep up with the bathing and that horrible burning paste he so loved to smear into my wounds. Gaius didn't want the infection to take hold or something. But I often complained that he just enjoyed giving me more pain.

I pulled my shirt over my head and laid on my stomach on the bed. Gaius started to remove my bandaging and begin to bathe my back with warm water. I couldn't help my mind but drift to Arthur. I wasn't entirely surprised or anything about him 'giving me the day off '. More like he was too humiliated to see me. I felt slightly hurt about it but then I thought back to yesterday and I couldn't help but feel incredibly smug about getting him all visibly exited. Honestly _that _was probably one of the best moments of my life. The best moment though was still that first kiss. Seriously _wow. _I still couldn't believe it. Of course Arthur had been a total prick as usual, but still. It's not like I expected him to hug me or make some declaration of love or anything. But if he was capable of kissing, who knew what else might happen?

No, that was just wishfull thinking. Arthur would never declair his undying love for me in a million years. Besides, Arthur would never feel that kind of love for me, even if it was the whole _destiny _thing drawing him to me. I doubted it was powerful enough for Arthur to love me. I knew deep down he would always love Gwen over me, the most I could wish for would to be his secret dirty little fling on the side that made loath himself. I felt my heart ache with sadness and emptiness at the picture I just painted. I knew it was the most likely.

Arthur might give in to our destiny, but he would hate himself for it. Be disgusted in himself for it. Hate _me_ for it. _Blame_ me for it. Hurt me again and again. Probably once he was done with me he'd just toss me to the side and go off and marry Gwen. Maybe he would even exile me, send me away so he would never have to see my face again. "What's wrong Merlin? You have been acting very oddly since you got back from that trip with Arthur. When you very first walked back through that door I thought that the worse must have happened from the look on your face. And then when you come back from your duties you looked as if you had been crying your eyes out, and last night I have know idea what time you got back and went to bed. Is there something going on with you and Arthur?" Gaius asked.

I felt my stomach drop, _did _Gaius suspect something? No, that was impossible. Gaius knew nothing, I hadn't told him about what... Well, about what _happened _on that trip_. _I wanted to tell him everything, but then on the other hand I wanted to take the secret to the grave. I felt horrified and needed his comfort but on the other hand I felt unbelievably ashamed and sickened with myself. I didn't want to hear Gaius' words about why I didn't just use my magic. I couldn't even explain that to myself. And then Gaius would want to know _why_ it happened at all. Why did Frederik pick _me _to do that to.

I never told Gaius that I was _that _way. That I liked guy's over girls. Maybe he suspected it, I couldn't be sure. Sometimes the looks he gave me when he caught me staring at Arthur made me think that he knew. But he never brought it up. Something I was grateful for, I didn't want to have _that _conversation with Gaius. Gaius might accept my magic, but I didn't know if he would be as gracious with my _other _secret. Well, I wouldn't really call it a _secret. _I just didn't talk about it or tell anyone. Well, apart from Lancelot, something I really didn't want to do. My mother of course, I'd had that embarrassing discussion more than once. She'd said that she didn't care and that I was her son and she'd love me still no matter what and all that. My heart ached with sadness as I thought of her.

"Well, are you going to answer my question or not?" Gaius broke through my reverie, I'd totally forgotten that he was waiting for my answer. I didn't know _how _to answer. "I..." I began but had know idea what I was going to say next. I was saved however as the door was thrown open loudly making us both jump. I pulled my head up from the pillow and my stomach did a somersault. Arthur stopped short as he saw me, I noticed a pink tinge appear on his cheeks and he coughed before saying confidentially.

"Ah, Gaius your here that's good. I was pressured by my Father this morning to come and see you, I've hurt my hand somewhat and he would like you to check it out for me" Arthur said raising his bandaged hand. I could tell from the look on his face that he _really _didn't want to be here. But I guessed Uther ordered him to see Gaius. Gaius slapped my arse and said, "alright, your done. Jump up your great lump and let Arthur sit there." I sat up and pulled my shirt quickly back over my head. I felt embarrassed, _why _the _hell _did Gaius have to slap my arse!

I glanced at Arthur, he didn't seem to find anything funny in it. As a matter of fact he was doing his best to ignore me completely as he made his over to the bed. I pulled myself off the bed too quickly and tripped over the water bucket, I would have fallen hard to the ground if Arthur hadn't caught me by reflex. As soon as he realised what he did he pushed me roughly away and I hit the wet floor hard soaking the front of my shirt and pants. "Merlin stop playing about and clean that water up!" Gaius snapped at me. I sent him a glare that he didn't see.

I pulled myself to my feet and went to retrieve the mop from my room. When I returned Arthur had removed his bandaging and Gaius was feeling along his knuckles. "I don't think it's too serious, just a hair line fracture. So I'm going to have to wrap it tight and I would advise you to not use it for anything strenuous for at least a few weeks and I'll see how well it's healing. That means no heavy lifting, or training.." - "What!" Arthur interrupted. Gaius looked affronted, "Yes, no training. Otherwise your hand will never heal properly and you could do permanent damage. So I want you to take it easy with this hand." Arthur looked outraged and the look of utter horror and disbelief on his face made me snort.

Arthur shot me a furious glare. "But on the other hand, the fracture is minor. I wouldn't say the same to the amount of glass in these cuts" - "Guinevere got most of it out" Arthur interrupted Gaius. Gaius clicked his tongue, "I'm afraid that the glass goes in deep. I'm going to have to get it all out otherwise there will be a terrible infection and a lot of damage to the nerves in your hand as well. I will tell you right now, this won't be pleasant." Gaius said seriously. Arthur just nodded looking unconcerned.

"Merlin!" Gaius snapped at me. "Are you going to stand around all day holding that mop or are you going to put it to use and clean up this infernal water that you spilled everywhere. Honestly boy I have never known anyone more clumsy and accident prone in my life" Gaius was rambling. I started to mop up the water. Gaius went and got a pair of tweezers and there was an awkward moment when I looked at Arthur the same second he dared a glance at me. I tried to hide my smirk at the memory of last night and Arthur looked away quickly and I saw his neck burn red.

Gaius was back in a second and pulled Arthur hand towards him and feel where the glass was. Arthur tried to hide a sound of pain as Gaius had to dig the tweezers deep into his largest cut. I grimaced and tried to pay attention to my mopping. I knew I probably should be enjoying Arthur's pain after all the pain I'd gone through from those unbearable lashings. I remembered back to those words he said about me being a cry baby and that I should suck it up and be a man.

I glanced back up from my mopping and looked at Arthur's face, his expression was of forced boredom, as if he couldn't feel Gaius' who was now digging the tweezers in ever deeper and wriggling them around to get the loose glass. But it was still obvious from the tightness of his eyes and the way his jaw was set a little too hard that it was pretty painful. Good. I tried to feel. But I didn't. I didn't want Arthur to be in pain, not for this. Not because he'd punched the window from kissing me. I didn't know how he managed to fracture his knuckle though.

I half admired Arthur's grit your teeth and bare it attitude. Because if it were me, I wouldn't be sitting there so calmly and I can tell you that right now. "Would you STOP that infernal mopping! The floor is bloody DRY! Your mopping NOTHING! Your doing my head in!" Arthur suddenly exploded at me after fifteen minutes later and Gaius was now finishing off putting the stitches into the last two cuts. I forced a smile off my face, "so-_rry" _I said biting down on my lip to stop the smirk pulling at the corners. I knew that Arthur would not appreciate it much if I laughed.

Gaius snipped the last stitch and smeared some of that same foul paste he loved to use on my back across his cuts, Arthur tore his eyes away from glaring at me and gasped loudly. "What the hell _was _that?" He demanded. I couldn't help and I let out a muffled laugh as I turned around and quickly ran to my room to put the mop back in it's bucket. When I was in my room I couldn't help but laugh some more, I was suddenly in a giddy mood. When I calmed back down and came back into the room Gaius had just finished putting fresh bandaging on Arthur's hand.

Arthur shot me a furious look that made me burst out laughing again. "It twinges a bit doesn't it?" I said smirking. Arthur just made a disgusted sound and stood up. "Well, Merlin if you in such a good mood you can clean my armor" he snapped at me whiping the smirk off my face. "But Arthur, I was up cleaning it _all_ night!" I complained. Arthur just shot me a nasty smile. "Well isn't it a good thing that I went and got it all dirty again this morning then, isn't it?" Arthur said sarcastically. I groaned.

Then I remembered something, "I thought it was my day off. Gaius told me I didn't have to do my duties today" I said. Arthur just snorted, "Well, I've changed my mind haven't I? And seeings as you missed out on all your morning chores. I advise you to hurry up with the cleaning of my armor, because I suppose now you have a lot more not to do before you can start on you evening duties." I shot Arthur a sharp look. Great. Well, at least it's not 10 lashings I told myself as I trudged to go and start cleaning all that damn armor I was up all night with.

* * *

Hours later when I was about half-way through mucking our the stables I heard a sound behind me. I jumped and swirled around smacking something with the rake that was still in my hand, and which also had a large amount of fresh horse dung caked in it's teeth. I felt a smidge of humiliation as I realised that I just smeared dung all over the front of Lancelot's shirt. "Oops. I am so sorry Lancelot! I really didn't mean that!" I apologized throwing the rake away. Lancelot just looked amused, "It's quite alright, it was an honest mistake. I'm sorry that I startled you" Lancelot said trying to hide the grimace on his face as he looked down at his soiled shirt.

I am such an _idiot! _I yelled in my head, as I laughed like more of an idiot to hide my humiliation. Then I suddenly remembered, "Oh, you can borrow my shirt if you want?" I said. Lancelot gave me an odd look. "No, I'm fine. You can keep yours on, Merlin" Lancelot said giving me strained smile. I suddenly realised how that came out, "No, no! I didn't mean this shirt!" I said tugging at the filthy one I was wearing. "I meant that one over there" I pointed to the corner were I had a clean shirt folded. "I bring a clean shirt with me you see, so I'm not walking around smelling like a dirty stable." I said and laughed again nervously to hide my even more utter humiliation.

Lancelot laughed and said, "I don't know? I don't want to take the clothes off your back Merlin." I was shaking my head and already running over to get him the shirt, "No, honestly Lancelot I'd be happy for you to have my shirt." I said over my shoulder before cursing myself in my head, that did not come out right. I sound like a freak. "I meant, that... I don't mind if you wear my shirt. I meant, I should give it to you as it was I, who ruined yours." I was rambling and mentally kicked myself, just shut up now Merlin! I said to myself from between my teeth.

Lancelot gave me an odd kinda of smile, "Thank you Merlin." He said and hesitated slightly giving me an odd look to match before pulling his dirty shirt over his head. I wondered what the look was. I felt my cheeks burn. I felt even more humiliated, and also slightly sick. Did Lancelot think that I wanted to perv on him? Did he think that I was so eager to give him my shirt was so that he would take his off in front of me? Did he think that I deliberately got manure on his shirt so that he'd have to change in front of me? That somehow I had all this planned?

Then I realised I was being absolutely ridiculous. Paranoid. That was the word of the day. Suddenly there was some commotion just outside the door to distract me, Lancelot and I both looked up as Arthur yelled some more at someone who'd gotten straw in his hair or something before he banged his way into the stables. Arthur stopped in his tracks as he spotted Lancelot bare chested and me standing there holding my shirt out to him. Arthur's eyes narrowed into suspicion and there was a flash of fury in his eyes before he smoothed his facial expression into one of boredom.

He strolled casually towards us. "Ah, Merlin. There you are, I was wondering were you got to." Arthur said in forced would be casual voice his eyes glancing quickly at Lancelot who had taken my offering shirt and had pulled it on. I saw the same fury and another look I couldn't quite place flash across Arthur face before he turned back to me. "If your done in here, I need you to go and wash my clothes. I have nothing to wear, I can't even remember the last time I had something clean to put on." I opened my mouth to protest, as this was utterly untrue!

But Arthur cut over me and addressed Lancelot, "speaking of clothes, what are you doing wearing one of Merlin's disgusting rags?" Lancelot glanced at me and answered Arthur honestly, "I startled Merlin, and he accidentally got mine, ah.. Dirty. Merlin then graciously said I could borrow a clean shirt of his that he had spare." Arthur didn't look convinced. "_Dirty?" _Arthur said raising an eyebrow incredulously, and there was also a weird edge to his voice, almost like he was trying to get Lancelot to fess up to something. Lancelot gave Arthur a searching look before continuing slowly, "He got horse manure on my shirt." I didn't blame Lancelot for being a little put off. The look Arthur was now giving him was a little too suspicious for what was really necessary.

"Well Merlin, are you going or what?" Arthur demanded roughly, but not taking his narrowed eyes off Lancelot. I sighed, "Yes Sire. I'm going, I'm going." I said but hesitated, "Maybe I should take Lancelot to the laundry and get him a new shirt of his own?" I said. Arthur was still glaring at Lancelot, who was looking extremely put out and confused by Arthur's hostility. I was confused myself. "No, Merlin. I want to have a... _Word. _With Lancelot about something. So run along now." Arthur dismissed me.

I shot Lancelot a guilty look before leaving. There wasn't anything else I could do. I couldn't for the life of me imagine what _that_ was all about. What was Arthur problem? If I didn't know any better, I would say that he was jealous. But that was just stupid. Besides, if Arthur was going to be suspicious and jealous with Lancelot over someone, it certainly wasn't going to be over me. It was probably just something to do with Gwen. Arthur was probably just making sure that Lancelot being back here in Camelot better not have anything to do with rekindling his relationship with Gwen.

But then, the part of me that wanted so desperatally for Arthur to have feelings for me like that made me double back. I knew it was only wishful thinking, no, _delusional_ thinking was more accurate. I still had Arthur's words in my head as he told me that he didn't want anyone else hurting me, or doing anything to me. He was the only one allowed. Plus I was extremely curious as to what Arthur was saying to Lancelot despite all that. I magicked a large crate to move below the high window.

I clambered on it and looked inside at Arthur and Lancelot. "...Lancelot. I'm telling you now, I want you to keep away from Merlin, he is my servent, he belongs to _me. _I do not feel happy with whatever it is that you want with him, I don't want Merlin running around doing any duties for you. Furthermore, I saw you this morning sneaking out of his window. If you _ever _go visiting Merlin at night in his chambers again, you'll have me to answer to. Do you understand that?" Arthur said all this in a cool manner, that somehow made it more intimidating.

I couldn't even believe my ears, and neither it seemed could Lancelot, who said. "Forgive my rudeness, but I don't exactly see what you problem is? It's not like I'm keeping or stopping Merlin in any way from performing those duties you set him. Also, about me sharing a room with Merlin, I don't see why this bothers you so much. But please let me assure you now my Prince. That _nothing_ is happening and nor will it ever transpire into what you are insinuating." Lancelot seemed a little affronted and said the last part slowly deliberating Arthur's reaction.

I gripped the windowsill tighter and hoisted myself up higher. I didn't feel hurt by Lancelot's words. I knew how he felt for Gwen. Arthur didn't say anything for a second and when he spoke his voice was completely different, as if he just realised what he was saying and was making a total fool of himself. "I didn't mean anything by it. I was just saying that if a Bounty Hunter _is _after you, then I do not feel comfortable with you leading them straight into the castle. Merlin may be incompetent, but he is a loyal servant and I would be most displeased if his throat was slit in his sleep due to you." Arthur said smoothly.

Lancelot opened his mouth to say something, then thought better of it and closed it again quickly. I tried to reposition my footing on the crate but it was a wrong move and one of the wooden panels cracked under my left foot and I fell through it. It hurt a LOT. The wood was splintered and scraped a deep graze up to the spot just above my knee. Plus it hurt under my arms were I'd had them on the windowsill and was ripped roughly as the wood broke.

I also grazed my face on the side of the stable. There was complete silence from inside. Damn it. I didn't want Arthur and Lancelot to know that I was spying on them. I tried to pull my leg free, but the broken hole were my foot had gone through was pretty tight. The splinters were also cutting into my leg and I really didn't feel like pulling my leg out and doing more harm. Damn it, damn it, damn it!

"Merlin!" I heard Arthur's furious voice. I looked up from my leg to find Arthur staring daggers at me, and Lancelot looking concerned. "Umm... Hey. I wasn't listening in" I lied. Arthur just raised an eyebrow and gave me an incredulous look. "I wasn't!" I lied again trying to sound truthful. "I was just... I was just..." I was trying to think of an excuse, _any _excuse that might vouch for why I was standing on this random crate, obviously listening in through the window. Also, when I was suppose to be down in the laundry washing Arthur's clothes.

"I was just..." There was absolutely nothing I could think of. The look on Arthur's face confirmed that. _Damn. _"You were just..? Merlin, please tell me what you were doing standing on some flimsy crate directly under the window if you _weren't _listening in. Please enlighten me because I think I am missing something. Besides, I thought I told you to go and wash my clothes!" Arthur was saying.

There was really nothing I could say, "I was just.." I looked around wildly, "I was just trying to see over that wall" I said pointing to some stone wall about a yard away. Arthur didn't look convinced, no surprises there. It was pretty bad I'll admit it. "Let me get this straight, you were trying to look over _that _wall" Arthur pointed to the high stone wall a yard away. - "And you decided to use _this _crate _here _to do so. When, even if you had this crate _anywhere _near that wall, it would still be impossible to see anything. Also, the other question as would be to _why _you were trying to look over that wall at all, when you could have just gone through _that_ gate" Arthur said the last part his voice turning from very sarcastic to sarcastic with anger.

My eyes looked to where Arthur was indicating, there was clearly a gate in the wall that led directly into the courtyard beyond the wall. Hmm... "Merlin, what have I told you about eaves dropping on my conversations?" Arthur asked coming closer. I shrugged, "nothing pacific" I said wincing as I tried to pull my leg free. Damn sharp splintered wood. "Hey, Arthur. I don't suppose it wouldn't be impossible to help me out would you? I'm kinda stuck" I said giving him my best winning smile.

Arthur smiled nastily. "Oh of course Merlin, it would be my pleasure." I knew this wasn't going to be pleasurable. Arthur grabbed my scruff and pulled. "Stop! STOP!" I protested loudly after a few seconds. Arthur made a disgusted sound let me go. "I thought you wanted me to pull you out? I wouldn't have bothered if you were going to complain so much about it" Arthur said.

I grimaced, "maybe the wood is sticking into my leg!" I snapped. I tried to pull the large sharp splinter from now really digging into my leg. It wouldn't budge. Arthur sighed heavily and hit my hand out of the way, he managed to snap it off but not without it hurting like crap. But at least the hole was now big enough for me to get my leg out. I stumbled of course, but this time Arthur didn't catch me and I fell on the ground.

When I pulled myself gingerly to my feet Arthur said, "well maybe that might teach you a lesson for listening in to other peoples conversation!" Arthur snapped before his expression changed and he suddenly grabbed me by the upper arm and pulled me towards the castle. I tried to pull myself free, but his grip was like iron for all the good it did me. I couldn't help but limp with every second step.

"Arthur let me go! Your hurting me!" I complained after he'd dragged me into the main corridor of the castle. Arthur finally released me. I rubbed my arm ruefully. "What was that for? I said angrily. Arthur ignored me and stormed up the corridor. "Wait!" I complained and limped fast after him. "What's wrong?" I said. Arthur looked mad. "I saw a man, he had a crossbow. He wasn't aiming it at us exactly. But I believe that he is the Bounty Hunter after Lancelot." I couldn't help but note the sour edge to his voice as he said Lancelot's name.

My thoughts of course jumped to.. "Lancelot!!" I said loudly. "Don't worry Merlin, Lancelot was gone before I saw the man." I still didn't feel comforted. "Yes, well he probably saw Lancelot! He's probably going after him right now!" I said annoyed and scared. "Yes." Arthur agreed in a grim voice walking faster. "Well, where are we going? Aren't you going to, oh I don't know. Save him?" I said outraged. It seemed very un-Arthur'ish not to pull out his sword and fight the Bounty Hunter.

That's when I noticed- "Maybe you haven't noticed but I am not carrying my sword, I left it in my room. Which is where we are going." Arthur's voice was irritable. "Ah" was all I said. I then felt incrediably nervouse, I doubted a sword would work all that well against the Bounty Hunter, Arthur didn't know that he was a powerful Sorcerer. Great. Just my luck.

Suddenly we heard running coming towards us, a moment later it was Gwen who appeared around the corner panting hard and carrying - "My sword! Guinevere your a life saver" Arthur said in relief as he took it off her. "I saw everything from an upstairs window. I saw the Bounty Hunter go after Lancelot! And I saw that you didn't have your sword" Gwen was saying breathless.

Arthur turned back around and started to run back the way we'd gone. "Merlin, Gwen. Stay there!" Arthur ordered over his shoulder. Well of course that wasn't going to happen. I followed after Arthur anyway. Arthur groaned when he noticed I was running after him. "Merlin! What did I tell you?" He snapped at me. "Stay behind, but when have I ever listened to you?" I said following him out the front doors.

Arthur suddenly whipped around. "Merlin, you are limping. You are wounded. Go back to the castle and _stay there!"_ I opened my mouth to disagree. - "That's an _order!" _Arthur demanded. I shook my head. "No, I'm coming. You might need my help!" I said. Arthur made a loud angry sound in the back of his throat and grabbed my scarf, "Listen to me Merlin! Go back into the castle and do as I tell you_." _I shook my head._ "NOW!" _Arthur demanded before pushing me back towards the castle doors.

Just then there was a loud explosion and many people began screaming. Arthur ran into the frantic crowd and I followed, trying to think of a way to use magic without Arthur noticing. Going to be tricky as always. I really, _really _hoped that Lancelot was ok. He had to be! I... I _needed_ him right now. I needed a friend that wasn't just Arthur, and god forbid that wasn't just _Gwen. _

A nother loud bang echoed through the main square. I sped up feeling a deep sense of foreboding.

* * *

**Alright people, what did you think? By the end I had absolutally know idea what to write, that's why the end it pretty crapolio. Reviews are welcome, but it was a pretty cruddy chapter. There was _some _highlights, but not many. I liked the part were Gaius slapped Merlin's arse, that sadly was probably my favorite bit. :3**

**THANK YOU again for the reviews!! It still makes my day! Plus it also makes me feel guilty for not writing and up-dating faster! Sorry, peoples, really! I do care, and it does make me feel bad :'( But yeah, I hope you like ^.^  
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	11. Mead

**Ok, people FINALLY the next chapter! I know, I know! I am sorry about not up-dating sooner! It's just that I've been REALLY busy or REALLY tired, mostly the second one. I hope you don't hate me too bad :'s**

**But, yeah. Here it is, finally. It's kinda way shorter than I wanted to make it, but I am just so tired and my mind went blank. That's a big part on why I haven't up-dated faster, my mind goes blank when I sit down to write. I Wrote out a timeline and everthing, but still....**

**Anyways, enough pointless ramblings.**

**On with the chapter!**

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**chp.11 'Mead'  
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**- Merlin**

I ran after Arthur into the throng of the screaming crowd, but a large man was in my way. I couldn't push past him and he ended up smacking me into a pile of barrels they went rolling in every direction. After I managed to pull myself out of them with great difficulty, I pushed through the crowd frantically, but the impacted bodies wouldn't let me past. "MOVE!" I bellowed to myself, but the people seem to be spilling in front and around me from every side making it impossible to move more than a centimetre in any direction.

For crying out loud MOVE! I screamed in my head as a fat women pushed herself into the only small space I could see. I ended up just magicking a space between group of irritable looking old women who spluttered in annoyance at getting pushed apart by some mysterious strong gust of wind. As I squeezed past and I saw to my horror Arthur and Lancelot facing a tall man holding a handfull of bright green flames. He had black hair to his shoulders and a pointed beard.

The man was also laughing and throwing the emerald flames at Arthur and Lancelot who dodged them. I raised a hand to do magic when I was knocked over by a screaming women. I pulled myself to my feet with difficulty as more people ran and nearly stood on me, one did stand on my fingers. I finally managed to pull myself to my feet and saw Arthur lunge at the Sorcerer with his sword. "NO!" I screamed raising my hand. Lancelot tried to pull him back the second I saw it.

The Sorcerer said something in a strange tongue that I knew to be magic, thick red smoke seem to billow from his upturned fist and hit Arthur square in the chest, who was rigid for a fraction of a second before collapsing. My heart seemed to implode as I screamed out an incantation the second Lancelot thrust his sword into the Sorcerers side. My spell blasted the Sorcerer off his feet and he screamed in pain. Just as I thought he was going to hit the brick wall he twisted unnaturally in mid-air and vanished into purple fire. The crowd screamed.

I was stunned, it all happened too quickly. It took me too long to move my feet. Lancelot was already rolling Arthur onto his back. My stomach dropped and I found my legs, which a second ago were cramped and stiff, now were as wobbly as jelly. I ran to Arthur and dropped to my knees. Arthur's eyes were half closed and lifeless. "Arthur? _Arthur!" _I was saying. I didn't even notice the hot tears until a drop fell into Arthur's face. I wiped my eyes quickly. Lancelot suddenly grabbed me by the arm and pulled me away from Arthur. I tried to cling to his lifeless body but Lancelot was too strong.

King Uther suddenly hit me out of the way. "_Arthur!" _He roared dropping to his knees. Gaius was there a second later. He examined Arthur and looked troubled. Uther got to his feet and turned around in a circle glaring at everyone in the watching crowd, his eyes seemed to be blaming every one of them. His eyes stopped on I and Lancelot. "You!" He bellowed pointing at me, "tell me what happened to Arthur, NOW!" He demanded. I opened my mouth but no sound came out.

Lancelot then spoke for me, "Please my Lord, there was a Sorcerer.." - "GRHH!" Uther growled throwing himself back to his knees beside Arthur. Lancelot gave me a sidewards glance, I didn't know what it meant and I wiped my nose loudly on my sleeve. "Maybe I should go and fetch Gaius, my Lord" I suggested thickly. Uther ignored me, and lifted Arthur off the ground and into his arms. "Magic is a plague upon this earth! The Sorcerer that did this to my son, and _anyone _who practices magic will be destroyed" Uther said in a fierce voice.

I followed Uther, carrying Arthur back up to the castle. When we reached the stairs, Gaius came shuffling out to meet Uther. "My Lord, I have heard." Gaius said in a worried voice. Uther carried Arthur up to Arthur's room instead of down in Gaius' chambers. I followed behind, no one seemed to be paying me much attention.

Uther laid Arthur, unconscious down onto his large bed. Uther looked furious, "It was a Sorcerer Gaius, my only son has been cursed!" He thundered. Gaius looked grave as he examined Arthur, he opened one of his eyelids and felt his fever and the inside of his wrist. Gaius expression became graver. "Did anyone witness this attack?" Gaius asked straightening up. "Yes, I did and about half of Camelot" I said in a still thick voice. Uther shot me a suspicious look, I looked down to avoid his penetrating stare.

Gaius spoke, "did you then see what this Sorcerer did? What kind of magic he may have used? Arthur's symptoms are curious to me, he seems to only be merely sleeping, but his heart rate is quite high." Gaius said. I thought back and tried to remember, it had happened all so quickly, "it was... The Sorcerer, he used some kind of smoke, he turned his hand and a thick red smoke sprang from his fist and hit Arthur. The Sorcerer also used a lot of enchanted fire, he disappeared in a puff of purple smoke" I was saying.

Gaius' expression went from confused to blank. Uther was watching him closely, Gaius turned back and examined Arthur some more, "I don't know what this means, I will need to have some research my Lord" Gaius said. It was obvious to me that Gaius knew more than he was letting on. Uther didn't seem to notice anything.

Gaius sighed heavily before addressing the King, "Arthur doesn't seem in any immediate danger, some kind of enchanted sleep it appears. There isn't much I am able to do at the present, but I will throw myself in researching anything that will revive him my Lord" Gaius bowed to the King. Uther didn't seem comforted. "Very well, but I give you no more than two days Gaius" Uther said. Gaius looked troubled but bowed again, "I will do my best" he said before shuffling out of the room, I followed.

Once we were back down in our living space I said, "You know something that your not telling Uther." Gaius collapsed into a chair and looked up at me through tired eyes, "yes, when you mentioned the fire and the red smoke. Arthur's symptoms are indeed minor at this moment, he is like I said to the King, in an enchanted sleep. But this is old magic, from the old religion. Fire Sorcerer's use a very small branch of magic, not many, even in the old days practiced it. It is a very imprecise branch of magic, but immensely powerful. For Arthur, he may be in no danger at the precise moment, but if tonight is a moonless night he very well will be" Gaius said looking more tired than ever.

I didn't understand, "What do you mean, Gaius? What does it mean for Arthur if tonight is a moonless night?" I said feeling my heart thump unevenly. Gaius looked more troubled and spoke in a low voice, "If tonight is a moonless night, it will mean that the curse has indeed taken affect. If it is not, Arthur will wake in seven nights time, perfectly fine. Like I said it's an imprecise branch of magic, it doesn't always take affect." Gaius seemed to be beating about the bush.

I swallowed hard before asking, "What will happen if tonight _is_ a moonless night?" My voice sounded weird, like it wasn't my own. Gaius said in a grave voice, "if tonight is a moonless night it will mean there will be seven moonless nights and at midnight on the last moonless night. Have the curse has not been broken by that time, Arthur will fall into a irreversible sleep, with have no chance of ever waking." Even as Gaius said those words, I knew without a doubt that tonight would be a moonless night. It was my luck, everyone I cared for, loved, will be taken away from me. I was cursed.

I tried to push those thoughts from my mind, _maybe _tonight won't be moonless, maybe at the end of those seven nights Arthur will wake perfectly fine? Ha, yeah right. "Is there a way to break the curse then? Even if tonight is moonless, if I am able to break the curse before those seven nights are up, will Arthur be fine?" I asked. Gaius nodded slowly, "yes, if the curse is broken Arthur will wake. But I'm afraid that it will be almost impossible to find a cure in forty years, let alone four days. The curse was made by the old religion's magic, and it is the old religions magic that has any chance of breaking it." Gaius said morosely.

I didn't want to believe Gaius, I ran into my room and fell onto my stomach reaching under my bed and pulling out my magic book. There has to be something in here to wake someone from am enchanted sleep. I scanned through the book on the floor for hours. I didn't even eat my cheese and bread supper Gaius had brought me some time ago. I didn't even realise that it has gotten dark outside as I'd had my curtains pulled across the window throwing myself into an already artificial night.

Gaius knocked on my door, "come in" I said in a distracted voice. Gaius shuffled in, I glanced up from my book and the look on Gaius' face made my stomach drop to the floor. Gaius face was etched in a look of ancient sadness. "It is a moonless night" was all he said.

I was in denial by morning, as I was in Arthur's room using every spell in my book with even the slightest chance of working. The sun was now filtering weakly through the lace curtains. There was nothing, it was useless. Nothing had worked, nothing even had shown the slight chance or working. Made no improvement. Nothing. Arthur simply lay there motionless and very much asleep. Even with his and mine impending doom on the horizon, I couldn't help thinking that at least Arthur looked peaceful, he wasn't suffering. I suppose an endless slumber wouldn't be _too _bad. What was I thinking? It was terrible! Arthur rather be dead than spend forever being a burden on a bed.

I slouched back down to mine and Gaius' room. I walked past Gaius and slammed my door behind me. It was hopeless, Arthur was as good as dead. I didn't notice immediately that someone was sitting on my bed until they stood up. "Merlin! What has happened? Will Arthur be ok...?" Lancelot's voice trailed off from the look on my face. I wanted to cry, or something. But I was just dead inside, hopeless cold had replaced all other emotions. "I wish... I wish.. I almost wish the Dragon was still here, he would know what to do. He always knew what to do" I was saying.

Lancelot looked confused, "Dragon? What _Dragon?"_ He said in a voice that seemed to question my sanity almost. I collapsed down onto my bed and spoke in a dead voice, "the Great Dragon, Uther had imprisoned the last Dragon on earth down in the dungeons, I used to go to him to seek his advise and help. But then I unwittingly set him free and he almost destroyed all of Camelot in his rage. I nearly killed him, but I didn't. I have know idea where he could even remotely be now, besides, even if I found him, he wouldn't help. He hates Uther and probably be thrilled if Arthur was good as dead" I said.

I felt the bed sag as Lancelot sat on the end. "A Dragon ay? I did hear... I mean I thought it was just a rumour, but I heard on my travels recently a rumour that someone called the Druids had been made an alliance with a Dragon.." - "What!" I said sitting up so fast I kicked Lancelot off the bed.

"Well, that's what I heard. I mean Merlin, I don't know how true it is." Lancelot said pulling himself up from the floor, I jumped off the bed hitting into him making him collapse back onto the floor. "Gaius, I just thought of something. I know this is going to be a long shot, and I mean impossible. But do you think that the Druids will know something that could wake Arthur and break the curse?" I said, grasping at straws. I knew full well that the Druids hated me by now and they sure hated the King and Arthur. But maybe if the Dragon was there, he might know something. After all, I spared his life, he owed me.

Gaius looked startled, "Well, maybe. It is possible I suppose... But Merlin, I do not think it wise to get any hope concerning the Druids" Gaius said seriously. "I know, Gaius. I know that my chances are one to nothing. But it's the only thing we have. Even if they don't help, at least we tried. Because either way, if I go or not, Arthur is lost. I just _can't _sit around here and watch every hour tick away, I have to try something." I said. I knew it was in vein. I knew I was stabbing myself in the foot for ever even having the desire to hope in thinking that the Druids or the _Dragon_ will ever help me with this.

Gaius gave me a pitying look before sighing heavily, "well I suppose, if you must. By all mean go to them and try. I will say this now Merlin, I have no faith in this plan. But I agree with you, that Arthur is pretty much doomed either way. I am sorry, I truly am" Gaius said grasping my shoulder. I shrugged it off and ran back into my room grabbing anything at random and stuffing it into a bag. I had no idea where the Druids were, or even if the Dragon was even with them. My plan was getting even less realistic by the second, but I continued packing anyway.

Lancelot was watching me from the doorway, "Merlin, I shall come with you. After all, this is my fault. None of this would have happened if I had never come here and braught this pain and danger apon you and Arthur" Lancelot said ashamed. I felt a twinge of anger towards Lancelot, it was true. It was all Lancelot's fault. But then again, something sometime or another would have happened and something else would have put Arthur in life threatening peril. So I couldn't blame Lancelot too much. I was just cursed this way, and so it seemed was Arthur. Or maybe my curse just involved around bad things happening to Arthur to torture me, because Arthur had lived a long enough life with nothing too bad happening to him before I can along to complicate his existence.

After I finished packing I turned to Lancelot. "In these rumours that you heard, did anyone ever mention as to where the Druids whereabouts are or anything?" I said. Lancelot thought about it for a moment before saying slowly. "Well, most of the rumours it seemed to have come from the far east, over the mountains. That's all I know." Lancelot seemed unsure of his information. I nodded and looked around the room for anything useful I may have missed.

* * *

Lancelot and I were headed off and a huge journey with the tiniest hope of it ever working, and not really having the faintest idea where we were even going. Great chances of success, I think not. We had six days and half a night to get there, convince them to help, and then get back in time to save Arthur. Didn't think the chances were very good, not at all. But it was damned if I was going to sit around and watch Arthur be doomed into an eternity of endless sleep. Better wandering around with the hope of saving him, than nothing at all.

Gaius didn't think much of my pitiful plan, and even though Lancelot had insisted on accompanying me on this pointless journey that would no doubt leave me heart-broken, he didn't voice any of his doubts to me. Even though I could feel them radiating off him in tsunami waves. I knew my plan wasn't going to work, but I was going to try my hardest to save Arthur. Because if I didn't, if I failed... There aren't even words to describe how I would feel. Arthur was my destiny, my life, my everything. If he was taken away from me, what will I have left? I'd might as well just jump off the highest tower of the castle. Be less painful. Less frightening to me that the prospect of losing Arthur forever.

After about many hours of riding and the sun was fast dissapearing behind the mountains and the first stars began to make their appearance and the indigo sky, Lancelot suggested we make camp for the night. I didn't agree, we had no time for rest. But Lancelot was already dismounting from his horse and pulling out some rations. I groaned heavily before stiffly getting off my own horse. I knew Lancelot was probably right, it would be dangerous to travel in the night.

But as I looked up at the ever darkening sky I felt as if part of me was disappearing with the light. A feeling the intensified as I refused to eat the bread and cheese Lancelot was offering me. It was a moonless night. The second in two days. I half hoped that last night's was just a coincidents, how desperately I clung to any hope. But two new moons after one another was extremely rare, if not unheard of.

Lancelot's voice broke the silence. "Merlin, I know that you are worried for Arthur. But there is nothing that we can do right at this seconds, we are doing the very best we can. I advise you to take some comfort in that, it will make it easier."

I didn't like Lancelot telling me to take comfort in just sitting around and wasting what little time we had in trivial things such as eating and sleeping. I stared up at the night sky almost wishing the moon to suddenly appear, maybe it was hiding behind the clouds, but the clouds were too thin and wispy to conceal the moon. Maybe it was being obscured by that large group of trees. But the night was unnaturally dark, the light from the stars, even though there was billions of them, didn't give off much light without the moon.

I didn't think I would have any sleep that night, but I must have dozed off. I was still dreaming about Arthur saying my name over and over again when I suddenly jerked out of my sleep and saw that it was Lancelot nudging me awake, and that it was his voice trying to wake me that somehow made it into my dream. I sat up hastily giving myself a head rush, I was slightly disorientated, I think I was still half a sleep. Light was flooding the small camp in which we spent the night, the light was weak as the sun was still behind the horizon and hadn't risen completely yet. It must be early.

Lancelot grasped my shoulder, "Merlin, are you ok?" He asked in a little over worried voice than the circumstance needed I thought. "I'm fine, you just.. Startled me." I said slowly. "What time is it?" I asked in a brisker voice as Lancelot was still giving me a funny look. Too penatrating. Lancelot let out a gust of air before saying. "Not long after the daybreak, maybe half an hour. I think it's around seven or so." I nodded. Not too bad, we still had the whole day ahead of us.

I was trying to untie the impossible knot from where we'd tethered the horses when Lancelot handed me an apple, I shook my head. I didn't want food, not when Arthur needed me. I'd eat again when I knew he was safe. "Merlin, you have to eat something. If we are going to be traveling like this you need to keep your energy up, and no offence I don't think you could last a day or so more without food, you are already thin as a twig." Lancelot said dryly eyeing my thin frame.

I frowned at him. "Lancelot I don't need your molly coddling, I'm fine. I may be '_thin as a twig' " _I quoted him. "But, despite what you may think, I can last a while on no, or little food. I've gone long stretches in my life on very thin to no rations back home in my village Ealdor." I said feeling irritable. Lancelot gave me another one of his annoying looks as I managed to mount my horse in one go, something I'd never managed to do before. I felt a twinge of pride which was extinguished almost immediately as I realised that Arthur wasn't around to see. Arthur was always exasperated with my terrible record of times it took me get on my horse.

When the sun was almost setting after another long day of absolutely nothing. I was beginning to feel that all of this was completely useless. That's when a small village loomed in the distance, my heart rose. "Lancelot do you think anyone there might know of the whereabouts of the Druids, or at least a rumour or anything?" I asked in a croaky voice. Neither of us had spoken since this morning. Lancelot didn't say anything for a long moment, it got on my nerves. Finally Lancelot said, "_Maybe." _In an infuriating way. "Well, do you think it's worth it if we ask around or something just in case someone _has_ heard anything?" I said almost sarcastically.

Lancelot didn't speak for too long again before he finally answered, "I guess it couldn't hurt. But Merlin, I wouldn't get your hopes up." - "What hope?" I muttered under my breath as I clicked and kicked my horse faster. We entered the small village at a trot. We dismounted at a small tavern, "I think we should start here, most rumours get traveled around through taverns right?" I asked not really having any idea. Lancelot slid off his horse and just shrugged. I glowered at Lancelot, was he being deliberately indifferent and unhelpful just to annoy me?

I pushed open the door of the Tavern and entered. Warmth flooded over me from the biting evening breeze outside. Everyone looked up from their silver pitchers and what ever they were doing before we came in and stared at us. Not a good sign. I didn't think we were very much welcome. Lancelot walked over to the bar and ordered two pints. I didn't have time to complain, I couldn't take alcohol very well. But too late now. I sat down awkwardly at a table nearing the corner window. Not long after Lancelot came over quickly with two foamy pitchers of mead, one which he put in front of me.

I stared at it and thought, big enough? Didn't they come in a smaller size? I looked around, obviously not. I tentavily raised it to my lips and took a small sip. Burned my throat. I was caughing as I put it back down eyes streaming. Lancelot have me another odd look, but this time it was like he thought I was amusing. "It's strong!" I said in my defence in the same second Lancelot took a long swig, he must have found what I said highly amusing as he laughed and spilled a large amount down his shirt.

I felt my cheeks burn slightly and took another sip, this time I forced myself not to cough but I could still feel my eyes water. Lancelot tried to hide another laugh unsuccessfully. "Maybe we should be asking if anyone knows anything?" I said annoyed. Lancelot sighed and looked around the pub, a few people were eyeing us with distaste. "Maybe you should do it Lancelot, I mean, I don't have any experience with this kind of thing and I don't want to ruin our chances just in case someone does know something." I said seriously.

Lancelot looked at me for a second seeming to be thinking about something before nodded, "I agree, I think it would be wise for you to just stay here and let me ask. Don't make a spectical of yourself or anything. Just sit here and be inconspicuous ok?" Lancelot said. I nodded and watched as Lancelot moved over to talk to the guy at the bar.

I took another gulp of the mead, I could start to feel the effects of the alcohol already. The warmth in my legs was always the first place I felt it. After another few larger gulps I realised that maybe it wasn't so bad after all. I watched Lancelot talking to the barman now, he seemed to be having an intense conversation. I wish I could hear what they were saying, but they were speaking in voices too low to carry to where I was sitting. So I opted for drinking more of my mead.

I was surprised when I finished my whole pitcher. I didn't think I was feeling all that drunk as I watched Lancelot still talking. I sat there for a long moment before deciding to finish off Lancelot's forgotten drink. Which was actually a pretty bad idea. I knew I shouldn't have, I knew what I was like. But obviously I was an idiot.

I found myself stumbling over the bar where Lancelot was not talking to someone else. When I reached him I nearly tripped, I caught myself on the bar and laughed tipsy to myself, "Oops" I said. Lancelot stood up. "Can I have another?" I asked the barman. Lancelot grabbed my arm and whispered into my ear, "Merlin, you are intoxicated after one drink. I do not think you should be having any more" he said warningly. I shook his arm off, I was feeling less worried than I had in two days.

The barman handed me another pitcher or mead and I took a long hard swig. After I drained the last dregs of my fifth? Pitcher, or well I _think_ it was my fifth, I stumbled and fell into some random fattish guy's lap. He yelled furious and pushed me roughly to the floor, I knew hitting the stone as hard as I did should have hurt, but I felt no pain.

I felt suddenly sick though, I crawled a few paces before managing to get back on my feet with the help of an extremely annoyed Lancelot. I pushed him away as I ran to the door, I flung it open and was violently sick in the gutter. I vomited a few more times.

That was the last thing I could remember...

...Until Morning...

Egh!

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**Alrightly, sorry it was sooooooooo short. I wanted more drunkin shinadigans, but yeah... Oh well. Sorry if it's kinda sucky. Well anyways, review if you like, it still makes me happy! THANK YOU again to all those who have givin me their lovely reviews, really, it means a lot to me!**


	12. Hangover

**Ok, I know, I know it's been AGES since I up-dated this story!! I am sorry for that, it's just that I kinda lost inspiration for it and got over my Merlin obsession for a litte while, in favor of Dragon Ball Z again. But hey, I'm back onto Merlin. **

**I know this chapter is kinda short. But I already had it all hand-written if you can imagine! So it took me even longer to post it, cuz I had to re-type it all on the computer and my handwriting is kinda impossible to read. So this is my best interpritation of what I'd originally wrote.**

**Well, hope you enjoy. I'll 'try' and keep posting more quickly. But if I don't, I'm sorry! :'s**

**So without further ado, here it FINALLY is. Chapter 12.  
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**chp.12 'Hangover'**

**- Merlin**

My head was pounding when I opened my eyes. The light brought with it more pain. Then it hit, the thing that had obviously woke me. I couldn't even imagine how it had escaped my notice for the few seconds it took me to open my eyes. I couldn't hold it in not for a moment longer. I bounded off the bed and ran to the first possible thing. I threw the window open and vomited out of it. It just wouldn't stop. Everything that I'd drunk last night was coming right back up. The sickness was one I'd never felt before. I'd been drunk before, but not like last night. The alcohol had just hit me faster than I could have imagined.

I shuffled back to my bed like an aged old man curled in on myself, when I reached the bed I then curled into a fetal position. It was moments later that another bout of the sickness hit. It kept going on and on, there seemed no escape nor mercy insight. I was begging and praying for it to just end, or to die. At this point it didn't really matter, I just wanted release. I couldn't imagine anything other this all consuming and overpowering sickness. I could barely even remember a life before or after the horrid nausea I was feeling.

It was sometime that I realised the absents of Lancelot. I knew he must have slept here last night as I was now curled on his bed, because it was nearer to the window and I'd gotten some sick on my own bed when I didn't get up fast enough. I was shivering uncontrollable and tears were pouring down my cheeks. I tried to remember what had happened the night before. But when I thought of being drunk or anything that concerened alcohol at all it braught on the vomiting spell again.

There wasn't anything left in my stomach as I was just dry retching by the end, my body though was still trying to force more out of my stomach, but there was nothing left. No wait, there was. That's when the bile began to come up. Years later it seemed, when I was curled in a ball on the floor under the window I heard the door open. I barely had enough time to look up and glance Lancelot before I threw my head out the window for some more dry retching. "Your awake then, good." I heard Lancelot's disapproving voice behind me.

I managed to drag myself onto the bed and curl back into my prefered ball. I must have passed back out again or something, but the next thing I knew I was being shakin awake, the shaking movements did nothing to improve the well being of my stomach and I shoved Lancelot aside to run to the window, but this time I didn't quite make it. I heard Lancelot make a disgusted and exasperated sound behind me. But with the way I was feeling I didn't much care about Lancelot's disgust or the fact that I'd vomited on the floor.

I walked a few paces back to the bed, but felt weak and shivery so I decided where I was standing was good enough and curled back on the floor again like I had before. "Merlin?" I heard Lancelot's voice above me, I didn't bother to move my head, any tiny movement made me want to be sick again. I managed out a small grunt which was followed by a groan. I took deep breaths through my mouth to keep back the vomit I knew was trying to force it's way back up.

"Merlin?" I head Lancelot say again, this time he sounded more sympathetic. "Would you like some water?" He asked slightly concerned. I shook my head the tiniest amount and felt a pain stab behind my left eye. Maybe if I had some water in my stomach I'd at least have something to throw up with next time, instead of that foul tasting green bile. Lancelot bent down and handed me a small wooden goblet of water. I took a small sip, my mouth tasted awful and the water didn't do much to change that fact. I took a few more sips though, and I thought I felt slightly better, but on the fourth sip it hit and I shoved Lancelot aside again and made it to the window at least, before throwing up those few small sips of water. But it felt better to have something again to to throw up.

After I'd curled back on the floor under the window did Lancelot speak. "Merlin, I got some news last night.." - "What news?" I cut over him in a cracked voice, I sounded terrible. But I felt a slither of hope. "News I got from one of the gents last night. It's nothing solid, but it's still at least something we can work with. One of the men said he remembers coming into an ancounter with some gathering of some stange folk not two days ago to the east. They seemed different and he believed that they performed magic but he couldn't be sure. Like I said it could be nothing, but I don't have much doubts that if he wasn't lying these 'strange folk' were the Druids".

I dragged myself up off the floor, the news brought with it the strength to hold myself together more than I have been all morning. "That's excellent news! We should ride out right away, did he give directions? What time is it?" I looked around and spoke again before Lancelot barely got a word out. "Good you already packed, let's get the horses ready and go at once." Lancelot grabbed my arm and whirled me around looking serious, "Merlin, do not get your hopes up too far. I do not know how valuable his word is. Plus the directions he gave me seemed hazy. Also if all what he said is true and we do end up finding the place where he said he saw the Druids, we do not even know if they have moved on by now or not."

Lancelot's words pierced me like a sword. I shook my head. No. I convinced myself. I would hold on to this hope, I didn't know why. It seemed like any hope would slip through my fingers like water, but I had to hold on to this. I needed to believe that Arthur would be fine. Otherwise might as well just curl back up on the floor and drown in my own vomit. Because that would be more dignified and painless, than what I'd do if I lost Arthur. "lets go now" I said as confidently as I could before another wave of nausea hit.

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It was a full hour and a half later when I was well enough to hobble down to where we'd left the horses the night before. Then we started to the journey to find the Druids and save Arthur. It was obvious that Lancelot had lost most of his hope in spite of my vicious reassurance that it was all going to work out for the best. Also Lancelot seemed to be losing patients with me as we kept having to stop for me. After the 30th time this happened and I'd managed to scramble back on my horse Lancelot decided to voice his thoughts.

"Merlin, I know that you had a bit to drink last night, but this and especially last night is just getting ridiculous. I know that I have no right to tell you what to do, but as a friend. I strongly advise you to never drink again. Because you really can't take your mead at all, I have never met anyone as as much of a light weight as you are. No offence intended." Lancelot added. I didn't feel any offence at all, he was pretty much right. I knew I really shouldn't drink. My system was not cut out for drinking.

But there was something that stuck out in my mind. Ok this morning was pretty ridiculous and I could see why it would be starting to get on his nerves with my throwing up every two seconds, but.. "Lancelot" I said, "What did you mean by, "especially after last night? What happened last night? I don't remember too well. The last thing I can really remember is curling up next to a fence somewhere being sick" I said feeling my cheeks burn and my stomach churn, this time with humiliation other than nausea as this memory from last night came back to me.

Lancelot's eyes tightened around the edges but didn't make any comments. My heart began to race, what the hell had happened last night? I raked my brain and memory for anything more, but I was just coming up mostly blank. Flashes here and there of things, but nothing concrete, nothing that really stuck out in my mind. I really hoped that it wasn't 'that' bad, but by the look on Lancelot's face it wasn't look too bright. "Lancelot?" I said in a small voice feeling a deep sense of dread, suddenly not sure if I wanted to know.

Lancelot let out a deep sigh before saying in an un-characteristic hard voice. "What Merlin? Apart from you making a complete and utter fool of yourself and myself for that matter in front of everyone in the bar, and acting like the biggest fool I've ever seen? Apart from all that?" He snapped. It seemed that all the anger he was trying to suppress was coming to the surface now. I was taken aback, I'd never heard such anger and annoyance in Lancelot's voice before.

I felt incredibly ashamed and uncomfortable, I wasn't used to this Lancelot. I was used to Arthur yelling and being furious at me. But with Lancelot it was so much more horrible. I didn't know what to say. I felt like I'd finally crossed some hidden line with him, Lancelot had before always been understanding and kind. I couldn't even begin to imagine what I could possibly have done last night to evoke this in Lancelot. I really tried to rack my brains for ANYTHING, but there just wasn't too much coming up. I still had those small flashes, flashes that made be burn with humiliation.

"Lancelot I'm sorry" I began. "Lancelot, I am so, so sorry about my behaviour last night. I am sorry that I'm a complete idiot. I am sorry about what came over me last night, I know I shouldn't drink. But I did anyway, and now you clearly hate me. I don't blame you for that, I already know I'm a dissapointment and I can't believe that I have broken your faith in me, a faith I never even deserved anyway. You should just leave me. I'll try and find the Druids on my own." I hung my head in shame.

Lancelot sighed and slowed his horse down until he was riding next to me. "Merlin, don't be like that. It looks like I am the one to be apologizing to you. I did not mean for you to take it that I have lost all respect in you, because that clearly isn't the case. I am sorry for my sharp manner before, I was just.. I was just feeling embarrassed that's all." Lancelot almost regretfully admitted. There was an awkward silence as we rode after that. After awhile however I couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out.

"Lancelot, what did I do? What happened last night? Please won't you tell me?" I said loudly. But the second the words were out of my mouth I wanted to take them back, I did want to know, badly. But I also was too ashamed to here anything else that might make me even more disgusted in myself. If that were possible. Lancelot looked surprised at my sudden outburst as we'd had complete silence now for over half an hour. Lancelot's eyes met mine for a second before directing them forward. If I didn't know any better, I would say that he didn't really want to tell me, or even talk about what happened.

A few more stretched and unbelievably uncomfortable moments later, Lancelot sighed again and decided to answer my question. "Well, after the fiasco in the pub. You went outside to be sick. Well when I went out to get you, you'd disappeared. So I had to run all over the place trying to find you. I ended up finding you curled under someones fence throwing up violently. By this point you were beyond the capabilities of standing on your own. For someone so skinny and small, you sure are heavy. The whole time I was trying to get you to stand up you were yelling nonsense about that you didn't want to have sex with anyone but Arthur, and you didn't want to have sex before you were married and thought I was trying to have my way with you and steal your virtue.."

I didn't want to hear anymore. "I am so sorry, oh my god, Lancelot. I am so, so sorry!" I couldn't even imagine the humilation. I couldn't even look at Lancelot. To make matter worse I couldn't even remember any of it. Lancelot continued. "Well, I did end up getting you to believe me when I said I wasn't trying to take advantage of you and I managed to get you to half-way stand with my help, I managed to drag you to your bed. After this I tried to tell you to get a grip on yourself for Arthur's sake. But this was obviously the wrong thing to say, and I am sorry about that mind you" Lancelot said looking at me. I nodded woodenly. I didn't care that he'd upset me last night by this point.

"You were quite upset after this, I couldn't stop you from crying. You told me about the impossible love you felt for Arthur, and that if he died you were going to kill yourself. Also you voiced some other more _private _thing's that I thought should have been kept between yourself and Arthur." My cheeks burnt. What did I say? When Arthur woke up, and if he _ever_ found out that I told Lancelot about those _moments_ we shared together, he would have me be-headed.

"Oh..." Was all I could manage to choke out. Feeling more humiliated than ever. Lancelot looked then suddenly more uncomfortable, as in that wasn't the worst of it. I felt my stomach squirm horribly. What else could I have possibly said? Or.. Worst of all... _Done! _Lancelot continued almost ashamed himself, "After you told me those.._Things._" He said with distaste. "You... well you.. Let's just say that you got a little too _friendly_ for my own comfort" He said coughing embarrassed, there was also an undercurrent to his tone that I didn't notice over my own humiliation and shame. I heard a ringing in my ears. It was all beyond horrifying.

After this there was complete and utter silence between us. Both too humiliated too even look at each other, let alone speak. I was surprised however at how much ground we'd managed to cover after the late start we'd made. I still had no idea where we were going or even which direction we were headed in. I almost considered asking Lancelot half a dozen times or so by now to where we were actually headed, but I still couldn't muster up the courage to speak to him. I still couldn't believe that I'd said all those things to Lancelot, drunk or not. Also the fact that I'd tried to get a little too _friendly _as Lancelot kindly put it, was just crazy. None of this was my personality, I've been acting out of my mind lately, maybe I'd just snapped and lost it and I just hadn't realised it yet?

After hours, and hours of riding in silence night had starting to fall around us. I looked up into the darkening indigo sky, stars were beginning to show themselves. I felt the foolish _hope, _that tonight the moon would appear and all would be fine. But of course happy endings don't always happen. The sky with it's thousands of millions of stars still looked empty without the moon to shine bright in their midst. Oh Arthur, I sighed to myself. I still held on to the hope that we would find the Druids and that all will be fine in the end. But I knew, deep down. It was all a lie, Arthur was never going to wake and I would end up killing myself in grief like Lancelot said.

Suddenly Lancelot stopped and jumped down off his horse. I was shocked and didn't move for a second. Lancelot indicated sharply that I should do the same. I slid off my horse more clumsily and stumbled to the ground. Lancelot grabbed my arm and dragged me into the shrub surrounding us. We walked maybe 30 seconds when I jumped. I could hear _voices. _My breath caught in my throat and my heart hammered almost painfully against my rib cage. I didn't know if it was from excitement or fear. Maybe it was both.

We krept quietly forward to the sound of the voices. Soon we came into veiw of a small camp, my heart skipped a beat as I recignised them at once as being the Druids. I could have cried if I wasn't frozen in shock. Then the crashing realisation hit, now I was looking at them in the flesh my hope vanished. There was no way they would ever help me, not now, not ever. I felt a tear slide down my cheek as I realised with all the crashing waves of my denial that Arthur would never be woken. I was to never look into the cool blue eyes of my Prince ever again.

Lancelot then pinched my arm, I glared at him. He was pointing however to someone in the camp, I followed his eyes and my eyes wondered over a woman's back. Dark ebony hair was rippling down the light satin green dress of her back, her dress was fanning around her as she was sitting with her legs tucked elegantly to the side on the grass. My heart skipped another beat then dropped lower than it has ever dropped before. I knew in that instant that there was _never _any hope for Arthur as the woman turned her head to the sound of my gasp. I stared into the dark shocked and furious eyes of_ Morgana_.

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**Ok, so there was chapter 12. I REALLY felt for Merlin in this chapter, I had a hard weekend not too long ago and re-writing this made me feel so much for Merlin. Out of all my story this is the chapter at the begining were I wanted to give him a hug! Lolz.. Well like I said, I'll try and up-date faster. I already have the whole stories timeline typed up and I was reading that today. Still sounds alright, corny, but good. ;3**


	13. The Proposition

**Ok, well chapter 13 is up, if anyone ever even reads this story anymore, as I never even up-date hardly ever... sorry about that. But yeah.. here it is.**

**chp.13 ' The Proposition'**

**'Merlin'**

I heard Lancelot's voice in my ear, "Isn't that... Isn't that the Lady Morgana? King Uther's ward?" I couldn't speak, I just managed a nod. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the dark murderous eyes of Morgana. I knew exactly why she was looking at me with such hatred. I could remember so clearly the last time we'd seen each other, what had happened.

I knew it was for the best, that it had to be done for all out sakes, and especially for Arthur and Camelot. But it still didn't make the guilt and disgust for my actions any less over powering. If Morgause hadn't gotten there in time to grab Morgana and clearly save her, she would be dead from the poison I'd tricked her into drinking from my own hands. I still felt terrible about it. Stayed up many nights thinking about it. Morgana was my friend, gifted, just like me. But she has chosen a path that I could never take, and threatened the life of Arthur. Something I could never forgive.

It was obvious that no one else had noticed Lancelot or myself hidden in the greenery at the edge of the Druid's camp. Morgana was yet to make our presents known, which made me think that maybe not all was lost between us. But I un-doubtingly thought too soon. In another second Morgana's eyes turned their darkest yet and turned to slits as she got to her feet and screamed to the Druids. "Intruders!" Pointing a murderous finger towards us.

Lancelot and I was thrown into the middle of the camp. All eyes looking down at us with distaste. I looked to Morgana, she was looking down at me with the most amount of distaste then anyone else. "Morgana!" I begged weakly. She sneered down at me. "Morgana, Druids" I said addressing the others, who were still staring down at us with no pity in their eyes.

I turned my eyes to look into Morgana's unforgiving glare, I had to try and make her see. "Morgana, it's Arthur. He's in terrible peril, he's been cursed. Cursed with magic from the old religion. If I do not get the cure within the gestation period of the moonless nights he will be thrown into an irreversible sleep. Never to wake. Morgana _please _you have to help me" I tried to beseech her with desperation, blinking the tears from my eyes.

Morgana's face but turned colder and she did the most un lady like thing I'd ever witnessed from her, she spat down at the dirt in front of me. "You dare come here, Merlin. To ask for my help to save Uther's son? After what _he, _and _especially _you have done. I do not care for your plight. Leave now or you will be killed. I will let you leave here in peace, but only for you to bring back this message for Uther Pendragon. I feel pleasure in the demise of his only son by the hands of the magic he so detests. Let him be known that we at least, do not mourn Arthur's passing, but rejoice in Uther's and Camelot's despair." Morgana gave me one last cold look, while the others around her cheered in welcome at the same words that felt as if she'd cut my heart, my soul from my chest.

I couldn't move, my muscles had ceased up in the crashing realisation that all was lost. More lost than ever before. Arthur's life, _my _life was over. I didn't care if the Druid's killed me, I wouldn't feel the pain, not over the agony I was already feeling. Physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional onslaught that was plaguing me now. I felt someone drag me to my feet. I was numb and I wasn't paying much attention. Or putting up any defiance as I felt my numb legs move, as I was pulled and dragged along beside someone much stronger than myself.

I felt the cool shade of the trees cover over us. I felt the soft moss of the ground under my back as I was layed down. "Merlin? _Merlin?" _I heard Lancelot's voice from a far, almost ringing in my clogged ears. I could barely make out his features, were they scared? I was oddly comforted by the shaking though, even if it was too rough for the normal standard to comfort. I blinked a few times and Lancelot's face came into focus. I sat up too fast and gave myself a head rush.

I put my face into my hands and pulled my knees up. "It's over, it's all over. I failed.. I failed him" I said, it came out muffled. I felt Lancelot put his hand on my shoulder. "Merlin. Listen to me. You did not fail Arthur. You tried everything you could do. It is not you fault that the Lady Morgana and the Druids refused to help. I saw it in their eyes, no matter how much begging and beseeching you could have done. Their minds were made up, they would never have helped."

I didn't know how Lancelot's words were meant to comfort me. Because he was doing a terrible job if that is what he was trying to do. I shook my head. "I should have tried harder. I know that Morgana can't really want Arthur to die. I know that she cares for him, no matter the hatred she has for Uther. Arthur is like a brother to her, family. How can she just forsake him like this? Arthur has never done anything to Morgana for her to want him die." I was rambling. But the more I thought about it, the more it made me doubt her final words. Maybe I _could _convince her to help. Not for me. But for _Arthur. _Even though she has betrayed Camelot and chosen another path from Uther. She must at least have some lingering feelings left behind, friendly enough feelings concerning Arthur that is.

I pushed Lancelot aside and pulled myself to my feet. I started to pace back and forth. Yes, I would go back. Tonight, or early morning. When the Druids were asleep. I'd go to Morgana away from the influence they may have on her decision and do my damn best to convince her to save Arthur. Lancelot was watching me pace with a wary expression on his face. I didn't know what the expression on my own face was. But what ever it was it was making Lancelot look un-easy. I could feel the frenzied light in my eyes. The spark of my last and final shred of hope.

Later that night, well after nightfall. I was having an argument with Lancelot. He didn't seem to like my idea. He was convinced that there was no getting through to Morgana and my attempts wouldn't just fall on deaf ears. But also put myself in danger. He believed that Morgana would call for the others to have them kill me the second I snuck into her tent. I ignored Lancelot's warnings. I knew Morgana enough to know that she had a heart, under her anger and hatred of Uther and myself. She had a good enough heart underneath all that to not want Arthur to die. Or, that is what I convinced myself to believe.

"Merlin, listen to me. _Please." _Lancelot half begged and grabbed my arm. "I don't know if I can save you if they want to destroy you. I myself know no magic. I don't know how well my sword will work against magic of the kind the Druids use. Merlin just please, listen to me and not go." Lancelot seemed far too concerned than particularly necessary. I pulled my arm free of his grip. "Lancelot, I know that you are worried for me. But I believe that I'll be able to convince Morgana to save Arthur. I know it's risky. But if Arthur dies, then..." I cut off and Lancelot's eyes became suddenly wide when he understood what I didn't say. That I didn't care if I was killed.

"Merlin, you can't just... _Kill_ yourself for Arthur. I know that you have strong feelings for the Prince. But be realistic. You can't throw your life away for him like this. Do you think Arthur would want you to go and kill yourself for him? I seriously doubt it. Merlin, I'm speaking as your friend. You and Arthur will never be together, it will never happen. Even if you manage to convince the Lady Morgana to save Arthur and it all works out. He'll never love you, he'll never want you the same way you want him." Lancelot's voice wasn't harsh, but honest. His words cut me deep. But I tried to push them aside, push them aside until the time came when I absolutely _had _to to consider them. But tonight I didn't.

I turned to look at Lancelot in the eyes. "Lancelot, I know how you feel for Gwen. Tell me this, would you still do everything in your power to save her? Even if you could be killed. You would still do it, wouldn't you? To the best of your abilities. Even if you knew that Gwen wouldn't choose you in the end, even if she loved another. You wouldn't give up on her, would you?" I said, almost harshly. It wasn't really even a question. More of a statement of fact. I already knew the answer that Lancelot didn't even bother to voice, we both knew it to be true. Of course he would.

We looked at each other long and hard. Lancelot knew I had to do this. Not just for Arthur. But for myself. He wouldn't try and stop me. I let out a shaky breath before turning and walking through the shrub in the direction of the Druids camp. I didn't look back, and Lancelot didn't say another word. Though I felt completely alone. I felt oddly comforted. I knew that I was doing my final act to save Arthur and if it didn't work out. I wouldn't have to suffer long. Either one of the outcomes I could live with.

Within a few short minutes was crouching and moving along the tree line trying not to be seen. Though the camp seemed pretty silent and sleepy. That was when I realised I had know idea which of the tents Morgana slept in. I didn't even know if she shared a tent with another, or if she was alone. My plan suddenly wasn't looking too bright anymore. I sucked up my doubts and pushed through the bushes into the camp. That was when I heard the sound of gigantic wings to the left. I froze in my tracks as a familiar voice echoed in my head.

I was motionless for an instant before I was sprinting through the camp and through the trees on the other side. I was running, running until I broke free of the trees into a meadow and my heart leapt and beat un-evenly at the same time as I was staring face to face with the Great Dragon. I forgot all about the Druids being heard to have be-friended a Dragon. I couldn't even believe that I'd forgotten this. But now I was looking into the eyes of the Dragon I didn't know if I should feel hopeful or not. It was a little surreal.

"D..D..Dragon!" I panted. "Young Warlock, I have been waiting for you to come find me" the Dragon said. I waisted no time in telling the Dragon of my problem. "You see. I need the old religion to wake him. Please, do you know the spell that will save Arthur? I saved you life, Dragon. You owe me this!" I reminded him. The Dragon flapped his wings and thrust his head back and laughed. I was afraid that it would wake the Druids. When the Dragon was done he bent his head down more to my level.

"Yes, you are true there young Warlock. I am very grateful for your mercy that day. But I'm afraid that I do not know the spell that will wake Prince Arthur from his sleep." My heart dropped. "But.." The Dragon continued getting my hopes back up. "I do know of a book, a very old and very powerful book. It is a book of the old religion. A book about the obscure art of the fire magic." The Dragon said. I felt light hearted. Relief. "That's great! Where is this book?" I said. The Dragon laughed again, this time with more resentment. "I am afraid that I do not have the power to hand it over to you." With that my hoped vanished again.

I looked into the Dragons eyes. "Who does then? Who has this book?" I asked. The Dragon didn't speak for a moment, he seemed to be enjoying some sick secret joke. "Well?" I demanded in frustration. "You will not like my answer I'm afraid" The Dragon said, sounding very much amused. "I don't care, just tell me. Please!" I said. The Dragon stretched his neck to the sky before spitting out a jet of fire. It made me jump. Suddenly voices from the camp behind us were awoken.

I couldn't believe the Dragon would betray me like this. "But, you owed me one. You traitor!" I yelled at the Dragon. The Dragon however didn't seem perturbed by my tone or accusation. He seemed oddly smug. "Listen to me, young Warlock. I am returning the favour. The book you require is back at Camelot. Imprisoned deep down in the vaults of the castle like all the other artifacts Uther has taken." I felt a strange emotion of relief mingled with ecstatic happiness. Then fear and dread for the coming Druids.

"Why did you call the Druids? Is this some kind of sick joke of yours? You tell me where the book is. Then get me killed before I have any chance of finding it and saving Arthur. That is twisted and wrong!" I yelled at the Dragon. The Dragon ruffled it's large wings. "Do not take me for such a tirent Warlock. You are free to go. But it is your friend. The young warrior that you have traveled with that must pay the price. Like the laws of the old religion say. To save a life, a life must be taken." I couldn't believe what the Dragon was saying.

"NO!" I bellowed. "Take me, kill me instead. Please! Let Lancelot go. I'll die in his place" I said, having a flash back of the past. The Dragon but shook it's giant scaly head. "That cannot happen. You are the only one able to save Arthur Pendragon. You alone Merlin have that power. Arthur is your destiny. You need to live to have the great things you will accomplish together unfold. Lancelot is merely a pawn in this game." I'd heard it all before. Nothing here was new to me.

Just then there was loud bangs comming from the camp. I gave the Dragon one furious look before sprinting back towards the camp. I would not let Lancelot die. "Merlin!" I heard the Dragon's angry voice behind me. But I ignored it. I burst into the camp to find Lancelot subdued at the feet of a man that I vaguely remembered from before. Everyone looked up as I yelled out. "Kill me instead!" I heard Lancelot groan. "Merlin, no! Leave, go back to Arthur!" Lancelot begged of me. I however ignored him.

"Kill me instead" I said again with more conviction. I could not let Lancelot die for this. If someone was going to die for Arthur it would be me. The man spoke. "You have come here to take this mans place to die. We all know what the Dragon told you. We all know that you can go back to Camelot and save this Arthur Pendragon. Isn't that the reason you came here, but you are willing to throw not just your own life, but the young Pendragon's too for this young warrior?" He sounded dubious.

I nodded, "I know that Arthur will die. But I cannot live with the guilt and the blood of Lancelot upon my hands forever. I'd rather Arthur and myself to both die than have an innocent man die for my mistakes" I said. I couldn't help but see Morgana looking ruffled. She stepped forward suddenly into the light. "You won't have Lancelot die for Arthur, you choose to sacrifice both yours and Arthur's life for his. But you had no trouble attempting to kill me, Merlin. Or have you forgotten?" I was taken aback. Did she really believe that I had no trouble when it came to me trying to murder her? It cost me more than she could ever know.

"Morgana..." I didn't know how to say the things I wanted, no, _needed _to say to her. That I _had _to do what I did, that I didn't want to kill her or harm her in any way, but Arthur and Camelot would have fallen if I didn't. Suddenly a woman stepped forward, I didn't recognise her at first until she removed her hood, my stomach dropped when I realised it was Morgause, her sharp eyes were fixed upon me with distaste, but another look was there too, almost curious. I saw Morgana give her half a glance as she stepped forward ahead of the others.

"I have a proposition for you Merlin" She spoke down to me. I didn't know were she was headed. "Anything" I said without thinking. Morgause raised her eyebrows in surprise at my blunt answer. She continued slower as she paced around Lancelot and I in small strides as she spoke. "You agree then to do anything I ask of you? For the life of Arthur?" I shot a glance towards Lancelot, Morgause must have noticed and let out a small laugh, "I do not care about the young warrior Merlin, he can leave here with no harm done to him if you agree of the proposition I present to you" Morgause continued.

"Any... Anything" I stammered slightly on the words this time, I didn't like the new gleam in her eyes. But on the other hand she was offering to save Arthur's life and to let Lancelot go without killing him. But I also knew, what ever this 'propersition' she was about to ask of me wasn't going to be something pleasant. Morgause' looked pleased with my answer, "My proposition for you Merlin, in exchange for the life of Arthur and this young man, and even your own life will be spared -" I noticed Morgana look to Morgause in disagreement, before Morgana could protest however Morgause silenced her with a finger, -" For yours, Arthur's and your young friends life Merlin, will be spared if you promise to me that you will kill Uther Pendragon."

My heart sank, I felt as if I had been doused in cold water. Morgana's expression became stoney and cold. All eyes were on me, waiting for my answer. I didn't know what to say? I didn't want to kill Uther at all, but on the other hand what Morgause was proposing was highly tempting, Arthur's life, Lancelot, mine preferably aswell to be spared. Was Uther Pendragon's life worth three mens lives? But _how_ would I kill the King? I thought about it, and I knew I could do it if I set my mind to it. Also with Uther gone, Arthur would be King. Something that Camelot would greatly benefit from. The pros were really out-weighing the cons by this point.

"Well Merlin, what do you say?" Morgause prompted coldly, I looked up into her eyes before looking again to Morgana, her expression was still cold and almost un-readable. I turned my eyes back to Morgause, and against my better judgment uttered the words that would send Uther Pendragon to his end. "I.. I will, I will kill Uther Pendragon for the life of Arthur's and Lancelot" I said, hating myself and dreading the dire consequences that were sure to come with this declaration.

Morgause looked pleased, as did many around the circle. Morgana's expression hadn't changed, or perhaps gone even colder, her features looked almost as if they had been carved from stone. "You may leave now Merlin, go back to Camelot and save the young Prince. But I will give you this warning, if Uther Pendragon is still alive by the end of this month I will personally make sure that you, Arthur and all of Camelot will fall dead and forever be cursed so that no living creature will ever be able to inhabit the kingdom again, do you understand me?" Morgause said in dark and menacing tones.

I nodded woodenly and spoke as if it was by another than my own, "You have my word" I said bowing to her. "And I shall hold you to it, Merlin" Morgause said darkly. I felt a strong grip just above my elbow and pulling me backwards, I let Lancelot guide me away from the watching eyes and whispers of the Druids and into the forest and the safety of the trees. We found the horses easy enough, and we rode of at full tilt and not speaking a word, towards Camelot and towards Arthur.

**Okies, well there it was people. Comments are still welcome of course, I have a whole month of freedom now between semesters so hopefully I'll have the time to write and up-date more easily!**


	14. The Book

**Well, got this chapter up faster than some of the others of late. Hope you like it!**

**chp.14 'The Book'**

**'Merlin'**

My heart leapt as the first glances of the tall turrets of the castle at Camelot became steadily visible in the distance. My anticipation was mounting, it had taken Lancelot and myself almost two days of constant riding to make it back to Camelot in time to save Arthur's life, tonight was the last that Arthur had to be saved, before he was put into an irreversible sleep. I pushed on even faster, my heart was now pounding in my ears and I could have jumped off my horse an ran the distance with the amount of adrenalin pulsing through my veins at the sight of Camelot.

Finally Lancelot and I reached the entrance to the kingdom, we had to slow down now while we traveled through the main square. I couldn't contain myself as I reached the castle, I flung off my horse and ran full tilt towards and up the stairs into the castle, I didn't look back to see how far Lancelot was behind me, or if he had even followed at all. I skidded down the corridors and finally bursting through the door to where Gaius and I lived, to find that he wasn't even there. Great. I couldn't think were else he could be, so I doubled back out the door and up some more corridors towards Arthur's room.

I stopped panting outside Arthur's chambers, I didn't know whither I should knock or not, I wasn't sure if Uther might be in there. I hesitated a breath longer before deciding on knocking, I waited for what seemed hours before I heard Gaius's voice speak the words "Enter". I flung the door open to find Gaius bending over Arthur checking his pulse, I bounded to the bed in four long strides. "Merlin!" Gaius said in surprise mingled with delight. My heart skipped a beat before lurching as I looked down at Arthur's lifeless body, he didn't look to be suffering which was an upside in a way, I had been imagining him all this time on deaths door, but he could have just been sleeping, which in no doubt he was.

"Gaius, how is he?" I asked still trying to catch my breath, Gaius still looked ruffled at my sudden reappearance but answered me calmly, "Arthur's vitals have been quite steady since you have left, but today.. Well today I have noticed a rather significant drop in his breathing and heartbeat, it has been dropping every few hours, at the rate Arthur's health is declining I do not believe he will have more than a few hours left, if he is lucky." I could hear the hopelessness in Gaius's voice.

"Gaius, I know of a way to cure Arthur. I found the Druids, they spoke of a book, a book that has the power to bring Arthur back, to save him" I said in a rush, I didn't mention the Dragon, Gaius knew nothing about the Dragon and my history and I wasn't going to enlighten him about it either. Gaius looked shocked, "What book? Do you have it on you now?" Gaius's eyes swept over me as if to suddenly see my holding a heavy large book. I shook my head, "The Druids said that Uther had taken it many years ago, when he got rid of all the magic in Camelot, they said he has the book down in the vaults of the castle." I could see as I said this Gaius looked uneasy.

"Merlin, do you realise how difficult it will be to get this book? Do you even know in which vault the book is kept, or what it looks like? And if you were _caught _trying to steal a book of magic? Merlin, this is far too dangerous and I do not know if I will allow you to do this." Gaius was saying, though I couldn't _believe _that he was saying any of this. Didn't he realise that Arthur's _life _hung in the balance? Didn't that kind of overrule the dangers in this case? Gaius obviously didn't believe so.

"Don't you understand Gaius? If I don't try, Arthur will die, or as good as. How can you stand there and tell me to just stand back and watch it happen?" I was getting angry now, Gaius didn't seem to appreciate my tone or accusation, "Merlin, don't you dare believe that I do not care about Arthur's well being, of course all must be done to save him but I am telling you of the dangers. If you are caught Merlin, Uther will have you killed, you must surely know that?" Gaius said seriously.

I let out a exsasperated sound, "I _know _that Gaius, but it's for Arthur. And I _won't_ get caught, I promise -" I was saying when Gaius cut over me, - "You _promise, _How can you promise something like that? Do you not know how tightly those vaults are guarded? It will me impossible to get past them without an alarm being sounded or you getting killed. Merlin, I am sorry but it is a suicide mission and I refuse to stand aside and let you carry out this plan" Gaius finished with a tone of finality.

I was completely infuriated with Gaius and what he was saying, "I'm sorry Gaius, but you might be able to stand back and watch Arthur be lost forever but I'm not! I'm going to get that book and there is nothing you can do to stop me" I turned away from the old man and headed to the door, I was almost there when Gaius spoke. "Merlin! Listen to me, I didn't mean to just stand aside and let Arthur be lost to this curse, of course not. But I may be able to acquire the book myself. Maybe if I told Uther that there could be something in this book to help revive his son, he might agree to let me see it." Gaius didn't sound overly confident with his plan, neither did I.

"Gaius, Uther _hates _magic, you say this nearly every day, he won't let you get your hands on a book of magic to actively use a spell within it, to save Arthur or not, the hatred of all things magic goes too deep for that and you know this is true!" I said frustration and anger. I was wasting time, _Arthur's _time standing here trying to convince the stupid old man that this was the only way, the only choice we had. I was sick of this, there wasn't the time. "Gaius I am grateful for your concern, I really am. But I'm going now to get that book. Don't worry about me, just keep Arthur as comfortable as possible" I said before turning around and ran out the door, I heard Gaius yell my name behind me but I ignored it.

I ran down the corridors, down flight after flight of stairs and down into the dungeons. Soon I knew I had come to the part were I certainly wasn't aloud to be without being instantly attested, or _worse. _I didn't much care though, I had done things like this many times before. It was nothing. Right?

I held my breath as I heard two men talking and jeering, I pushed my back against the wall and etched along the wall. When I reached the corner I took a deep breath before peeking around it, sure enough two guards were sitting at a table jeering over a card game or something. I scanned the area for something to help me, I spotted a slop bucket sitting in the corner. Hmm... What could I use this for? I muttered under my breath "_Unda fervefacio" _and the liquid inside the bucket started to boil instantly.

The gaurds yelled in fright and surprise knocking the table and chairs aside in their hast to jump to their feet. I used their confusion to my advantage, I looked at the fallen table and whispered "_Traba causa poena" _and the table flew across the room as the men looked into the bubbling slop bucket and hit them over the heads, they crumpled to the floor instantly and completely unconscious. I went over to the unconscious men and managed to extract a key chain from one of their belts before pulling a torch from one of the brackets on the wall.

I walked swiftly down further into the dungeons. I wasn't walking long however when I brass gate came into focus, ahead of it I could see guarded artifacts and what not. I couldn't be sure if the book would be placed here, in the least secure of the vaults or in a more heavily guarded one? Well only one way to find out, I tried three keys before finding the right one before entering the vault. I moved the flaming torch over the many things that had been placed here for safekeeping. I wish I knew what the book looked like?

Soon I ended up comming to the conclusion that the book was definetally not in this perticular vault. I headed over to an anti-chamber and after much trying with the keys I had to come to the conclusion that these keys were not granted with the honor to go into any other more secure vaults than the one I was standing in. I muttered at the lock "_ianua patefacio" _and to my delight the lock clicked with a satisfying sound. I pulled the heavy door open and entered with the torch held high.

I knew instantly that I was in the right place, the book _had _to be in here. All around me were mountains and piles of stolen and confiscated magical artifacts. I moved further into the vault and examined everything twice and precisely as possible not to miss anything. I illuminated the sixth pile of books and started riffling through the ancient pages, I wish I was better at reading Latin. I could make out some words though, and soon I was nearing the end of this pile with not much hope left in me when suddenly on the second last book of the pile a picture was illustrated with a man with magicked fire circling him. This was the book, it just _had _to be. I held it close to me and left the vault at a hurry.

I wasn't being as careful as I should have been as I knocked things down and kicked stuff across the floor as I moved with speed through the vault I had come through earlier. I was running up the corridor to the chamber were the unconscious guards were, only to find them not so unconscious anymore. We stood looking at each other for a fraction of a second before one yelled "Cease him!" Pointing a grubby finger at me as the other lunged to grab me, I manged to dodge the man's outstretched arms and slip past and ran full out back the way I had come.

I could hear the warning bells siren as I panted up staircase and ran down corridors, I managed to shake off the two guards that were on my heels by hiding behind a massive vase in crevice in the wall. They ran right past, I waited a few moments to make sure they were good as gone before pulling myself free and running up to Arthur's chambers.

Finally I threw the door open and came panting in to the magnificent bedroom. Gaius was looking at me aghast, with terror and disapproval in his eyes. "Don't say _anything"_ I said with warning. I pushed past Gaius and placed the large dark leather bound book on the end of Arthur's bed were he slept. I riffled through the pages to the picture I had seen down in the vaults, "Ah ha! Read that Gaius, tell me if it says how to save Arthur?" I demanded moving aside to let Gaius see.

Gaius shuffled forwards with agonizing slowness before bending over the book, he just stared at the page for what seemed like eons. "Well?" I demanded impatiently. Gaius gave me a stony look, "Merlin I am a aware that you are upset about Arthur, but this doesn't give you the liberty to speak to me with such disrespect" Gaius scolded me. I took a deep breath trying to calm myself and my irritation with Gaius, "Yes, okay, I'm sorry Gaius, it's just that Arthur doesn't have much time left" I said with forced politeness.

Gaius still frowned at my tone but averted his eyes back to the page, "for what you told me after Arthur was attacked and with his symptoms I do not have any doubt that this is indeed the spell that will cure Arthur. But it takes great magical skill and and also true loves kiss. The thing is Arthur doesn't have a true love, does he?" Gaius asked in a troubled voice, my heart seemed to beat faster. Arthur did indeed have a true love, but only Arthur, Gwen and I where aware of Arthur's feelings for Gwen, feelings that I very much resented.

"What is the spell?" I asked, Gaius looked back over at the book and spoke the words "_suscitatio ex incendia somnus" - _"Though I do not know how well the spell will work, or if at all without his true loves kiss and is has to be by the stroke of midnight tonight or all will be lost for Arthur" Gaius said. I tried to think of a way to get Gwen up here to kiss Arthur and to get Gaius to leave, well the Gwen part would be easier enough, but getting Gaius to leave Arthur when Arthur was in this perilous condition, not so easy.

"Gaius.. Um.. Why don't you.. Why don't you go fetch Gwen?" I asked, Gaius looked surprised, "Gwen?" He said in surprise. "Umm.. Yeah, well Gwen is quite friendly to Arthur and I think.. I think that Arthur should be in the soft and capable hands of a woman, don't you agree?" I was just rambling now, that made sense, didn't it? Gaius just raised his bushy eyebrow in suspicion. "Is there something that you are not telling me Merlin?" Gaius's tone became an accusation.

"Not telling you? Nothing at all, Gaius, I have told you absolutely everything I know. I just think that Arthur would also feel more comfortable with Gwen tending to him that maybe an old man" I said, it was obvious that Gaius did not appreciate my jibe at his age. "Very well Merlin, you are quite close to Arthur and I should trust by now that you know what Arthur would want. I will go and ask Gwen to be sent up then shall I?" Gaius still sounded offended. "Yes, please, as soon as possible" I said urgently as I didn't quite know what the exact time was, but I knew it wasn't so far off midnight.

"Very well, very well" Gaius said before shuffling to the door, once he was almost out of it I called out to him, "Gaius?" - "Merlin?" -"After you tell Gwen to come here, you won't be coming back tonight will you?" Gaius looked even more suspicious, "Well, I believe that I should, Arthur might need me" Gaius said. "No! I mean... _Gwen _is more than capable to take care of Arthur, it's late and you have been with him all day no doubt? I think you should go to bed Gaius and check on Arthur in the morning, I think that is for the best" I said.

Gaius glared at me, "If I didn't know any better Merlin, I would think you were trying to get rid of me, are you _sure _there isn't anything you wish to tell me?" Gaius gave me one of his penetrating looks. "Nothing, Gwen remember Gaius?" I reminded him, Gaius just gave me one last sweeping look before shuffling out the door and closing it behind him. I scanned through the book again, and I could make out what most of it said when I really concentrated. I needed to say the counter-curse and then get Arthur to be kissed by the one true love of his life before Midnight. Easy...

I looked down at Arthur, and my chest ached painfully. How I wish I could be the one to break the spell with my own lips, my own kiss, but _I_ wasn't Arthur one true love, Gwen was. _Gwen _who never did anything for Arthur, never went through all the hassle and heartache and danger and everything that I had for him, I had given myself and more all for Arthur, but then _Gwen _just gets to come along and be Arthur one true love, even though it was obvious to anyone who ever had spent more that two minutes with Gwen and Lancelot to see that Lancelot was the one Gwen truly cared for, Arthur was just her second choice, _'oh if I can't have Lancelot, I guess Arthur will have to do, though I don't love Arthur anywhere near as much as my dear beloved Lancelot' _I with thinking furiously in my head, it was so unbelievably _unfair_.

Not too long after this I heard a small knock on the door, I opened my mouth to say 'come in' but realised that I had to perform the spell and Gwen mustn't know that. I quickly scanned the spell once more from the book and spoke the words "_suscitatio ex incendia somnus"_ under my breath. Nothing seemed to happen, but I guessed that Arthur would wake once Gwen kissed him. Another knock at the door, "Come.. Come in" I said as I hastily pushed the book under the bed so Gwen wouldn't see.

I stood up as Gwen approached the bed. "Oh Arthur" she said in a small sob as she sat on the chair beside his bed and taking his hands in hers and pressing them to her lips. But I knew I would have to get Gwen to kiss Arthur properly, on the lips for it to work. I didn't want to push her, because it would come across a bit weird on my part. How was I going to get her to kiss Arthur without it looking like I was all to eager for her to do it.. "How is he?" Gwen suddenly asked, "Oh.. ah.. Not too good actually, Gaius doesn't think Arthur has more than a few hours left, at most" I said, noticing that my voice sounded off and distracted, I wish I knew what the damn time was.

Gwen just nodded, she traced the backs of her fingers over Arthur's cheek, I had the sudden urge to slap them away but I controlled myself. "Maybe.." I took a deep breath, I didn't realise it was going to be so hard to say what I knew must be done, "Maybe.. You should kiss him, Arthur, for one last time, he would like that. Arthur would." I sounded like an idiot. Gwen didn't seem to think anything weird from what I said, she just looked at Arthur for a long moment tracing her fingers over his lips before finally coming to a conclusion and slowly pressing her own to his.

I held my breath, waiting for the enchantment to be lifted, waiting to see Arthur open his eyes. It seemed like an eternity before Gwen pulled her head back and it was obvious that nothing had changed, Arthur just still lay there unmoving and as lifeless as ever. I felt as if the floor, the castle was shaking around me. I wanted a hole to open and swallow me hole. This was it, it didn't work. Time was nearly out and the book hadn't done anything, everything was in vain, everything I had gone through to get to this moment was all a huge big wasted and pointless effort. Arthur was never going to wake, and there was nothing I could do.

I knew in that moment that I didn't want Gwen to be here, she didn't deserve to take up Arthur's last moments, have them all to herself. After all, Gwen could never love Arthur the way that I did, she never tried as hard as I did to save him, she didn't try anything. She didn't deserve Arthur and she didn't deserve to be sitting there holding his hands and pretending that he was the true love of her life. "Gwen" I managed to choke out, "yes?" She answered in a cracked voice. "It's late, and you look exhausted. I think you should go to bed, I can take it from here" I was saying.

Gwen turned around to look at me, "But you just said that Arthur only had moments left? I want to spend them with him, I want him to know that I am here for him" Gwen said. I wanted to slap her to be honest with myself. "Moments? I meant.. Hours.. Arthur still has at least 12 hours left, sorry I wasn't thinking before, Arthur will still be with us tomorrow. You look terrible, and I really think you should go to bed, I'll call on you if Arthur's condition changes okay? I promise" I lied.

Gwen didn't seemed to like the idea of leaving Arthur, but she yawned anyway, "Well maybe you are right" she said slowly. "Oh Arthur, please, _please _pull through. For me? I love you" She whispered before pressing her lips to his once more. I expected something to happen the second time, but Gwen stood up and it was obvious that Arthur was still motionless. Gwen nodded to me, and I could see the tears in her eyes as she left. I heard a sob escape her lips as the door behind her closed shut.

I felt the tightness of my throat harden more painfully than ever before as I moved back over to Arthur's side and looked down upon his sleeping face. I knew was going to be the last time I would be seeing him like this, before he was lost to me forever, gone to a place were I could never save him again, I swallowed hard down on the pain but it did nothing to ease the ripping agony that I felt deep in my heart, my soul. I had come so close to losing Arthur in the past, more than once, but it never felt so final, so absolute as this moment.

I sniffed, but tried to stop the tears that were silently pouring from my eyes. I didn't want to cry, I had shed far too many tears and I wasn't going to cry now, not at this final moment. _My _final moment with Arthur. I didn't know if the time had passed, the time in which it was still possible to save him. I closed my eyes and tried to listen to see if I could tell any difference in Arthur's breathing, perhaps become more ragged, a death rattle? Or maybe just nothing, maybe nothing more than the smallest whisper of a breath of almost death.

Even though I tried to trick my hearing into hearing the opposite, I could tell that there was no change, just the same slow and deep breathing of the deepest sleep. I tried to think of what would happen to Arthur now? He wasn't really dead, but he certainly wasn't alive. Forever asleep, will he just be locked away? Put in a room and forgotten for forever more? To slowly gather dust and become part of the forgotten and unwanted... Useless, un-needed. Like _me_.

I still didn't know if it was midnight yet, I had no idea if it had already passed. I couldn't hear Gwen return, though I thought she might just to spite me. But I knew she wouldn't, I could see it in her eyes when she looked at Arthur that last time before she left, that she knew that she was never going to see him again, her kiss, her last goodbye. Gwen's kiss had worked about as good as anything else had, to try and bring Arthur back. Either the book was wrong, or Arthur's cure wasn't the same, or maybe Gwen wasn't the true love of his life.. I held on to that thought, that feeling for a moment and despite the gripping sadness I felt slightly warmed.

But then I remembered that damn love potion that only Gwen's kiss managed to break, so if she had been Arthur's true love then why would that have suddenly changed? You didn't change the truest of true loves, they were forever. I already knew how Arthur and Gwen were meant to be, their love the most pure and perfect and all the trite nonssence. I tore my face away from Arthur's and looked through the window to the sky, still empty of the one thing I most desired, that elusive and forboding moon.

I looked back down at Arthur's peaceful face and wondered if he was in pain, he didn't seem to be. I wonder if he dreamed at all? Or maybe there was nothing, just emptiness, consuming, the deepest blackness just like the night sky outside, empty and cold of no light, no nothing. Forever. Enveloped in forever darkness never to wake again, never to feel again, never to be, ever again. Nothing, gone, gone from this world, gone from everything. Gone from me. I felt so empty and sickened at the image I had painted in my head for Arthur's forlorn fate.

I sniffed again and wiped my nose on my sleeve, and swallowed down hard again feeling the tightness in my throat. I took an unsteady breath and wiped the tears from my face with the same sleeve. I didn't care. I traced my thumb lightly down Arthur's cheek, feeling the warmth that surprised me, the warmth that I couldn't stop but imagining as cold death. I wondered if his lips would be as warm, taste as sweet as the last time mine had met his. I had a sudden crazy thrill trickle through my numb body as a sudden thought came to me, maybe...?

I slowly bent my face down to Arthur's, I barely noticed the flame on the small table next to me flutter as if a breeze had almost blown it out, though the room was quite still. I hesitated for the shortest of a breath longer before my lips touched Arthur's, I closed my eyes as I closed the gap between us, the candle beside me fluttered once more and went out.

I felt a shock like lightening shoot through me, tingling from the top of my head to the tips of my fingers, to my toes. Warmth, above all I felt an unbelievable warmth surge through my cold numb limbs. But it seemed to be radiating from inside, somewhere deep inside, it made absolutely no sense, a most befuddling thing, though I wasn't keen on it to stop by any means, suddenly I felt fingers grip the back of my head and pull my face back by the hair and the voice that sent a shock even more powerful that lightning shoot through me.

"_Merlin!_ What in the _blazers _are you _doing?"_

**Well there we have this chapter, FINALLY Arthur is awake again because seriously I have no inspiration without him in my story, oh how I love thee Arthur 3 **

**Plus I got the words for the spells in some cruddy 'English to Latin' ****translator on google, nothing flash, because I have absolutally no imagination for making spells up off my own back, hence all my magic (which isn't much) and anything of like in this story is predictable and cruddy.**_  
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	15. The Favor

**Ok, well yah. I got chapter 15 up! Writing all night, it is now 10am! o.0**

**Well finally some stuff goes down in this chapter, I'm not entirely happy with it. But it's as good as it's gunna get for me. So...**

**Enjoy...**

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**chp:15 'The Favor'**

**'Merlin'  
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As I looked into Arthur's open clear blue eyes I couldn't speak, I couldn't feel, I was completely numb with the shock and utter disbelief. I concluded to myself that I'd just completely just lost my mind. Arthur then sat up so suddenly that it made me gasp and some of my feeling was starting to return to my limbs but it was accompanied by an odd ringing in my ears.

Arthur turned his head slightly to the side giving me a confused and also mildly disgusted look. "Merlin, what do you think you are _doing?" _Arthur's shock seemed to be subsiding and was beginning to be replaced my annoyance and anger. I opened my mouth to try and say something but my brain wasn't working, so was my mouth, I could feel it just hanging open making me look gormless.

Arthur just raised an eye-brow, "Merlin?" Arthur said again. I tried to say something but I just couldn't take my eyes off him, I could feel my staring eyes start to fill with tears, something that made Arthur look more disgusted but also uncomfortable, he tried to shift further away from me from were he was sitting on the bed but I instinctively grabbed his wrist.

"_Merlin! _I have know idea what has gotten into you, have you gotten into the mead?" Arthur asked eyeing my with suspicion and apprehension, whatever the expression on my face was it was clearly making Arthur exceedingly uncomfortable. I managed to shake my head, but I still couldn't form any words.

"_Okay _then.. Then tell me Merlin, why are you in my chambers in the dead of night assaulting me? Because I can tell you right now, I do not appreciate this.. _your_ gesture in the slightest" Arthur said managing to tug his arm free from my grip. I was feeling a little confused, Arthur seemed to be acting the same as if this had been any other normal night that I'd just decided to sneak into his room and kissed him in his sleep.

_"Merlin? _Are you _sure _that you haven't been drinking? Because I don't know what you thought was going to happen with you coming into my bedroom and making a move on me, but I can assure you right now that in no way you are going to be getting any sort of _funny_ business you hear me!" Arthur's voice suddenly became a warning as he pointed his finger at me to prove his point.

I couldn't help but laugh at the outraged and slightly scared look on Arthur's face, this seemed to make Arthur look at me as if he'd come to the conclusion that I was completely barmy. The look on Arthur's face was too priceless and I couldn't help but leap onto the bed and knock Arthur back down onto his back with a 'oomph.'

Either Arthur was just too bewildered and completely frozen in shock at my sudden attack, or he was knocked into wanting it too. I kissed Arthur more passionately that I'd ever kissed him before, it felt almost as if I eased up even the slightest Arthur would disappear and it was all just some amazing dream that Arthur had woken up.

It was only when I obviously crossed some invisible line of trying to slip my hand down the waistband of his pants when Arthur suddenly grabbed my wrists and pushed my roughly off him, I almost fell off the other side of the large bed but managed to catch myself in time.

Arthur jumped off the bed and instantly lost his balance stumbling over and hitting his elbow on the side of the small table next to his bed, he fell to the floor with a grunt of pain and a loud cuss. I sidled over the bed and looking down at Arthur who was holding his arm with a pained look on his face and managing to pull himself back onto the side of the bed.

Arthur then put his face in his hands for a long moment, "Arthur?" I finally managed to speak and felt a thrill shoot through my body at saying his name without feeling like curling in a ball and waiting for death. Arthur slowly moved his face from him hands and looked over at me.

"Arthur, are you.. Are you okay?" I asked feeling the same thrill again at the name, Arthur closed his eyes and rubbed them with his fingers before saying, "I'm _fine, _I just.. Felt a little light headed is all, it's nothing." I could tell that he wasn't telling the entire truth.

"Maybe you shouldn't try and walk around and lay back down? I mean you have been out of it for quite a while..." - "What?" Arthur cut over me sharply, "what?" I replied. - "_What _do you mean I've been _out of it _for quite a while?" Arthur said. This surprised me for a moment, but realising that it wasn't really all that surprising that Arthur couldn't remember the details, after all it had happened quite fast.

"Don't you remember anything at all?" I asked, "Remember any of _what _exactly, Merlin?" Arthur was sounding angry now. This was something I wasn't really expecting, but then again, Arthur's whole attitude since he woke up seemed to point to not remembering anything that happened.

"Arthur what _is _the last thing you can remember?" I asked him with some trepidation. Arthur just gave me an odd look before biting his lip and looking to the side trying to remember, his brow creased in concentration and annoyance. I couldn't help myself but think he looked so damn _lovely_ that it made my chest hurt.

Arthur put his face back in his hands, after a moment I prompted him, "Arthur?" Arthur pulled his face back out of his hands and spoke in a slightly slower voice than his usual. "I.. I don't.. I can't.. _Remember" _Arthur said. "_Anything?" _I said, Arthur's temper suddenly flared up, "Well I obviously can remember _things.. _Just not.. Just not..." He trailed off in annoyance and frustration and collapsing on the bed on his back.

I decided to help give his memory a boost, "Well, remember that you ran out to help Lancelot, because his assassin was there trying to kill him in the main square and he ended up being a _sorcerer_" - my mouth went dry on the word, I coughed and continued - "Well, you tried to stop him and well the Sorcerer kind of hit you with some sort of red smoke type curse and you went kind of rigid before falling to the ground unconscious, then the Sorcerer got away and yeah.. You have been out of it ever since" I finished kind of lamely.

Arthur just ran his fingers through his hair as he sat back up, "How long ago was this? How long have I been..?" - "Asleep?" I said "I would say, more or less a week." - "A _week!" _Arthur lookedoutraged. "What has happened in that time? Why has it taken Gaius this _bloody_ long to wake me up?" Arthur sounded annoyed.

I didn't know how to answer so I just shrugged, I wasn't going to tell Arthur about anything that happened while he was unconscious or the like. As far as Arthur was concerned I hadn't left Camelot in any shape or form. Arthur fell back down on to the bed letting out a deep breath he'd been holding in.

Finally the realisation was really starting to sink in that Arthur _really _was fine and was going to be okay, I felt the tight lump return in my throat. I felt relief wash over me bucket fulls and the next thing I knew I felt tears in my eyes again, it was just a reaction to all the release of all the worry, stress and soul crushing heartache and constant fear that I wasn't going to save Arthur I'd been holding inside. Suddenly Arthur sighed in exasperation, "You aren't _crying? _Seriously Merlin, are really just a complete and utter _girl _or what? Seriously, man up would you? It's ridiculous." Arthur just shot me another disgusted look.

I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sleeve, "I'm sorry, it's just that I'd thought I'd lost you.." - I changed speed at the look on Arthur's face, - "That _we'd _lost you I meant, Camelot and.. And.. That" I said swallowing hard to stop the ache in my throat, "Arthur, to be honest I really thought this was it for you" I admitted.

Arthur just made a non-comical sound before changing the subject, "That is all very well, but it still doesn't explain why you were kissing my lifeless body in the middle of the night does it?" Arthur's voice was filled with discomfort and disgust but I could definitely make out embarrassment and now kicking himself for bringing _that_ back up.

I couldn't help but smile to myself, "Sorry Sire, would have have preferred for me to have waited until you were concious first?" I said with slight mocking. Arthur just made a disgusted sound, "I would have _preferred _Merlin, for you not to do it at all, asleep or otherwise, got me?" Arthur said.

"Oh?" I said smiling wider now, "Well, maybe I'll remember that next time _you_ kissme? And I must admit Arthur, it took you longer than you really should have to push me away before when I was kissing you, if you found it so much to your dislike" I reminded him mocking. "Merlin" Arthur said sitting up, "Sire?" I said lightly, - "Shut up" was Arthur's witty comeback before moving back to his original spot on his bed and pushing me aside..

There was a silence for a moment as I watched Arthur lay on his back, actually I was trying not to smile like a maniac, I was feeling all light headed and buoyant all of a sudden, on a total high, almost giddy. Something that was distinguished almost immediately at the next words that came through Arthur's lips.

"Where is Guinevere?" Arthur said them calmly, but it felt as if he'd just poured a bucket of ice water over my head, no, it felt like a good kick to the guts. "Gwen left, she went to bed" I said with perhaps more bitterness in my voice than I meant to let Arthur hear.

Arthur though didn't say anything, and after a few moments I wondered what he was thinking about and waiting for when he was going to ask me to leave. Something I'd been waiting for, and dreading since the moment I could start to think somewhat rationally again.

Finally Arthur spoke and it wasn't to ask me to leave, "Will Gaius be coming to check on me any time soon?" Arthur's voice now had a slight edge to it that I couldn't work out. I thought this was a slightly odd question, "No, not 'till morning" I answered with slight uncertainty.

Arthur didn't seem to make any sign that he heard me, he had his eyes still open, I could see them glint in the white light that was streaming through the open curtains, I followed the beam to see the moon suddenly in the sky, I couldn't believe it! The _moon_, I couldn't imagine anything so divine until I looked back at Arthur, the moonlight shining across his perfect features, bleaching him colourless but with divine perfection. This just confirmed to me again that I could never want another.

I was waiting for Arthur to say something but he didn't. "Arthur, are you feeling okay?" I asked in an almost whisper, it suddenly seemed wrong to speak any louder in the quietness of the castle. Arthur just made a 'tch' sound and draped his arm over his eyes. I sighed I laid down on the bed next to Arthur slowly almost waiting for him to smack me away, but he didn't seem to be paying any attention to me.

Arthur didn't say anything else, after a long time I didn't want to, but I felt that maybe I should say something, I didn't know what, so I said the first thing that came out of my mouth regretting it while saying it. "Do you want me to leave?" Was what I said. _What the HELL _was wrong with me? _Why _would I say that? I never wanted to leave, I never wanted to move from this spot beside Arthur for the rest of eternity.

Arthur made a snort, it was obvious that he'd fallen asleep. "Hmph..What?" Arthur sounding irritable. "I err.. Nothing, I just said do you want me to.. You know? Go to my own bed or whatever..." My voice trailed off internally kicking myself. " What? Whatever" Arthur said not even listening as he rolled over and pulled the blankets over himself.

I waited for Arthur to say anything more on the matter of me leaving, he didn't and I presumed with glee that he'd gone back to sleep as he started to snore lightly.

I think I must of fallen asleep myself not too long after this because the next thing I knew I was feeling incredibly hot and crushed, I opened my eyes to feel someone not just pressing into my back with all their morning glory but also pretty much laying on top of me crushing me, and he was _heavy. _

I was confused for the shortest of moments before I felt a thrill shoot through my body as everything that had happened last night came back to me. _Arthur_, alive, well. The excitement bubbling inside of me.

I must have fallen asleep on Arthur's bed, well it wasn't exactly like I was jumping to go back to my own bed. But on this side of the morning it seemed like a _very _stupid thing to have done. _Damn. _If someone _found _me in Arthur's bed like this, especially while Arthur was all _exited_. Well, it wouldn't look too good that was for sure.

I tried to slide out from underneath Arthur without waking him, but he was just like a dead weight and I had to shove some, lucky Arthur must have been an incredibly heavy sleeper because he didn't even wake when I managed to shove him with some effort onto the bed next to me, I then tried to disentangle his grip on me, he really didn't seem to want to let go, I heard him murmur something in his sleep as I tried to loosen his grip on my waist.

I finally managed to pull myself out of his vice like grip and shove a pillow into his arms to try and take my place, Arthur didn't really seem to notice the difference and hugged the pillow to him. I couldn't help but smile, I moved over to the large gilded mirror on the other side of the room, I tried to flatten my hair and fix up my jacket. I didn't want to look as if I'd spent the night.

I looked at Arthur sleeping for a few moments fantasising that the dream what was making him so exited was was about me, but it was probably just a random thing. I smiled in-spite of myself anyway before walking to the door and trying to leave as silently as possible and not to wake Arthur. I just reached for the door-handle when I heard Arthur's voice behind me, "Merlin, what are you doing?" I spun around with a grin on my face.

"Ah, nothing Sire. I was just... Ah.. Leaving" I said trying to make my voice sound as natural as possible, Arthur just gave me an odd look. There was this awkward moment before it was obvious that Arthur realised that I never left last night., Arthur suddenly looked stricken and pulled the same pillow I'd pushed into his arms earlier, to _cover_ himself, I didn't know if he was trying to not be obvious about it, but I think he could tell that that he hadn't fooled me.

I tried not to smile, and I had to look away otherwise that was going to an impossibility. Arthur obvious saw that I was smirking and chucked something hard that hit me, I made out a _gasp _of pain as I looked down to see the candle that had mysteriously gone out last night.

"What was that for?" I said in amusement as I rubbed my arm where it had hit. Arthur just groaned and fell back down onto his pillows and put his hands over his face in either frustration or embarrassment, my bet was going on the latter. I hesitated for a moment before decided to go back to the bed to tease Arthur some more, after all, I wasn't in the _greatest_ hurry to leave him, not just yet anyhow.

Arthur moved his hands away from his face as I came and moved back onto the bed and shot me one of his looks. I bit my lip really trying not to smile, but it seemed to be impossible. I tapped the pillow that Arthur was still using to cover himself with. "Do you still _need _this pillow, Arthur?" I said enjoying myself. Arthur grabbed hold of it to make sure I wasn't going to snatch it away or anything, "Yes! I do. And weren't you just _leaving _Merlin?" Arthur reminded me through his teeth.

I just traced my fingers over the pillow, "Well, what's the rush? It's too early for the kitchens so getting breakfast is out. I suppose I could always tidy up in here?" I said pretending to consider it.

"_Merlin" _Arthur said, and I didn't get his tone at first, - "Would you mind _not _doing.. _That" _I didn't realise what he meant before I followed his eyes to where I was still tracing patterns on the pillow.

I had to bite the inside of my mouth to not laugh, "ah" I managed to say after a second. "Is this _really, _bothering you?" I said moving closer to Arthur and using more pressure against the pillow and I could feel my heart thump faster in my chest as I could _feel _Arthur's hardness through the down.

I looked back up into Arthur's face, I could see the expression on Arthur's face change when he saw how I was now looking at him, he must have seen the desire in my eyes. Arthur looked incredibly uncomfortable as I moved closer yet, he was leaning away from me now.

"Is the great Arthur Pendragon _scared?" _I said enjoying this moment more than I should. Arthur's eyes narrowed, "_Scared? _Scared Merlin! Of what? _Y..Yo..You?" _He said trying his best at his bravado, but his voice faltered as I grabbed the hand that was still gripping on to that pillow and tried to pull it away.

"_Merlin, _I order you to _stop this _at once.. Or I'll...I'll.." Arthur faltered again this time when I pushed him back down onto the bed. I could feel the smirk on my face as my lips were centimetres away from Arthur's, I only had my lips pressed to Arthur's for the shortest moment when I felt his body change under me.

I couldn't do anything to stop it when Arthur gripped the tops of my arms painfully and instead of hitting me off the bed, he pulled me off him and pushed my roughly into the mattress underneath him. I could really feel Arthur's strength and weight as he bared down on top of me heavily and the strength in which he pinned me to the bed, I couldn't have gotten away, even if I wanted to.

I struggled feebly against his grip, but with no real desire to get free. Despite the pressure and strength he was exerting onto me, his mouth on mine was still surprisingly hesitant and unsure whether this is what he really wanted. Even though it was amazing for Arthur to be responding to me in this way, it was increasingly starting to become uncomfortable, it was becoming harder to breath, what with the kissing and the ridiculous amount of weight bearing down on my chest.

I did start to struggle against Arthur grip more forcefully, I didn't know if Arthur noticed nor cared, but after a moment he slowly released his hold on my arms, I managed to put my arms between Arthur and myself and push against his chest. It didn't take Arthur too long to realise what I was trying to do and pulled back almost instantly, almost glad for a reason to stop maybe.

I was breathing heavy getting as much air into my lungs as possible, I hadn't realising just had much he'd been crushing me. "What?" Arthur panted, "I though this is what you wanted Merlin? Too much for you?" He mocked breathlessly. I looked into Arthur's face and it was obvious that he in no way seemed as confident as he wanted to be. After all this was something that Arthur had absolutely no experience with, and something that confused and seriously frightened him I believed. Arthur seemed to take my silence as a reason to back further away.

But I wasn't done yet, not by a _long _shot. Not when I finally had Arthur so _willing _to go along with it. I grabbed the front of his shirt, "Arthur" I said. I could see the look of trepidation on his face, but I also had a feeling that Arthur was more willing to do this than he seemed to want to admit, even to himself.

"Merlin, let's... Not" Arthur said in a quieter and much more nervous voice, "definitely not" I agreed letting go of the front of his shirt and slowly starting to move my hand down lower. I was feeling my insides burn as Arthur let my hand get lower and _lower. _But just after my fingers made it past the waistband Arthur grabbed my wrist again, "No" Arthur said trying to make it sound threatening, but I could see in his eyes that he wanted it, telling me to keep going.

I waited a moment before I felt Arthur's hold on my wrist slowly loosen, loosen enough that I could move my hand down lower, but he hadn't let go of me yet. The blood in my ears pounded as I slowly, way, way more slowly than I wanted to, but I could still feel Arthur grip on my wrist ready to restrain me at any second.

Ever so slowly traced my fingertips over over the head of Arthur's erection, I heard Arthur breathing change as I gently, and slowly, hesitantly traced my fingers down his shaft, before tentatively wrapped my fingers around it, I could feel Arthur's excitement pulsing.

I wish Arthur would just let go of my arm, I want to be more forceful but he wasn't letting me. I didn't think it made much sense, maybe he didn't want to give in to me? Or he just didn't want to give me any control, which was just stupid, I was trying to pleasure the damn prat for crying out loud.

In spite of the restraining hold I tried to pump harder, Arthur of course stopped me in my tracks. I let out a sound of annoyance, "Arthur" I said, trying to make some authority in my voice. Arthur just raised an eyebrow, "Will you stop trying to hinder my efforts" - "Here!" I said grabbing him and trying to push him down onto his back, Arthur however didn't seem to appreciate my forcefulness.

"What are you _doing?" _Arthur said through gritted teeth, he did sound threatening but I pretended to ignore his tone. "Lay down, Arthur and just go with it okay? It's not that hard to let someone pleasure you, really, come on" I said trying to push him down. Arthur wouldn't budge.

I gave up and decided to try another approach, I moved away from him, "Fine then, forget it. I have my page duty's for Gaius I have to do anyway" I said getting off the bed. I was surprised, but more disappointed than anything that Arthur didn't try and stop me from leaving, I was relying on him to. _Damn it._

I didn't look back, I was nearly at the door when I heard Arthur get off the bed, I was about to turn around, but I felt Arthur grab my arms from behind and push me up against the wall. I tried to get free, but it was impossible. Arthur's grip on my arms was actually starting to get rather painful, "Arthur.." I started to protest when he rammed me harder into the stone wall making me gasp in pain.

I didn't like this, not one bit. "Arthur, you.. You're hurting me" I whimpered, "That is the idea" Arthur said into my ear, I did _not _like the sound of _that. "_Arthur, _please, please _don't." I could hear the begging in my voice. I closed my eyes and I couldn't help but remember what that..._that...Bastard, _did to me.

I felt Arthur's grip on me slacken after a moment, "Merlin" I heard Arthur say quietly, I just closed my eyes tighter. I just wanted to block it out, if that was possible. "_Merlin_" Arthur said again, this time a bit louder. I didn't make any move to answer him, I heard Arthur sigh heavily in frustration, but I think it was more to himself than to me.

Arthur let go of the hold on my wrist which he had pinned to the wall, I felt him move his hands over my own on either side of me aganst the wall, my hand were still curled into tight fists and I could then feel Arthur trying unclench them. After it was obvious it wasn't getting anywhere, he slowly moved his hands up my arms before moving them to slowly trace their way down my body.

I still hadn't opened my eyes, but it was for a different reason now. All the fear I'd felt before had evaporated as fast as it had come, my trembling had turned from fear of pain, to anticipation of pleasure. A fact that Arthur seemed to have picked up on but misinterpreted.

"Merlin, _why _the _hell _are you trembling? You are so scaredy all the time, I'm serious. You know. I'm..." Arthur seemed to falter on what he was about to say, after a second too long pause he said awkwardly, - "I'm.. I won't hurt you, you know that right, Merlin?" I could almost hear the burning humiliation in his voice at having to say those words to me.

I just managed a small but distinct nod, a second later Arthur pulled me around so that my back was against the wall and we were facing each other. Arthur looked at me with the most peculiar expression on his face, a mixture between embarrassment, disgust and something else... _Want? _Or perhaps it was curiosity? I didn't have much more time to think on it before Arthur crushed his lips to mine. A _want_, it was definitely a huge wanting _need._

I could feel all the hesitation from before, quickly disappearing now, Arthur was becoming either more confident or he was just as crazy aroused as I was right in that moment, and I think I knew which as I grinded myself against his throbbing erection and it pleased me more than anything else had when Arthur moaned and pushed himself harder into me wanting more. The blood was pounding in my ears louder, I was in total bliss.

I gripped tight onto Arthur's shoulder, the front of his shirt, his arms. I tried to push him against the wall like he'd done to me, I didn't have much faith in my plan but when Arthur realised what I was trying to do he obliged easy enough and let me push his back up against the wall reversing positions.

A few minutes after my new found control, Arthur pulled me away from the kiss, I didn't understand at first and gave Arthur a confused look, "What's wrong?" I panted, Arthur just smirked and I tried to kiss him again but Arthur grabbed the tops of my arms and restrained me, I didn't understand at all, I thought everything was going great?

"Arthur?" I said with frustration, Arthur just smirked wider. "What?" I said, There was definitely something going on in Arthur's mind, I just didn't know what. "Remember how you said before all you wanted to do was _pleasure _me?" Arthur said with lots of meaningful implication behind his tone, "What? Oh, ah yeah.." I said remembering but not seeing where he was going, after all that I was _trying_ to do.

Arthur just raised his eyebrows and gave me a '_well, what are you waiting for?' _expression. My mind wasn't working properly and Arthur sighed in annoyance at my slow up-take. "How about I give you a clue then Merlin?" He said before pushed me down onto my knees, "Am I making myself clear now?" Arthur said down to me.

_Oh. _

"Ah... _Very_ Sire." I said feeling my mouth go dry, I knew that Arthur was waiting, but I had no idea _how_ to start. "Sometime this day Merlin" Arthur said, I was feeling stage fright all of a sudden. Arthur sighed again and said. "Does this help?" As he suddenly pulled down the waist of his pants and exposed himself completely about three centimetres away from my face in all his glory.

"Now, I don't know how much you know about this sort of thing, Merlin. But this is about the time when you put it in your mouth and suck" Arthur was saying. I shot him a glare, before looking back at down to what was in front of me. _Well here is goes. _I thought as I closed my eyes and took him into my mouth.

I tried to think on how I would like it, how I would want Arthur to be doing this to me. I must have been on the right course as I heard Arthur made a low moan, a sound that I'd never heard come from his throat before. I could feel my own hardness and excitement throbbing in my trousers, and every _sigh _and _moan _that Arthur made, made it so much worse. I wondered if Arthur would return the favour? Somehow I doubted it.

Just as I was fantasising Arthur doing these things to me, my hardness throbbed almost painfully. That's when Arthur grabbed the back of my head and gripped my hair painfully, I heard Arthur's sounds of ecstasy as I felt him explode in my mouth. I managed to swallow it all, though the texture made it slightly hard to do so.

I slowly got back to my feet, Arthur was still breathing heavy and had his head pressed against the wall behind him. Slowly his breathing slowed. "Not too bad for a first go then?" I said smirking. Arthur snorted as he put himself back away. "Not too bad Merlin, but there is still definitely room for improvement" Arthur said hitting me in the chest and heading over to his wardrobe.

"Hey!" I said. Arthur looked from around the door and looked at me, "Yes?" He said. "Uh, what do you think?" I said, Arthur just laughed and said, "Thank you Merlin, you were spectacular" and laughed gloatingly before resumed choosing out what he wanted to wear.

"That isn't what I meant" I said feeling annoyed, Arthur just looked confused now. "What else is there to do?" He said raising an eyebrow. I couldn't believe his utter selfishness, it was mind boggling. "Oh I don't know? How about, let's see. Returning the favour?" I said with a great air of pointing out the obvious.

Arthur just stared at me for a second before what I was implying hit him, when it did he burst out laughing again. "Why is that so funny to you?" I said feeling increasingly more annoyed something that wasn't helped by the mounting tension and frustration I was feeling. Arthur just laughed harder.

Finally he walked slowly over to me, still smiling. "How about this food for thought Merlin. It may have escaped your notice that I am a _Prince _and furthermore you are my, how do I put it? SERVANT" He yelled the last part in my face and hit my up the side of the head.

- "_Idiot"_

"So what, that is _it_ then? You're never going to return any favours back to me at all?" I said, furious. Arthur gave me an infuriation mocking raise of the eyebrows thing. "Merlin, what part of '_you're my servant' _don't you understand? You are here to _serve _me however I see fit, I don't go running after you cleaning your clothes and making your bed, do I? So how is this any different? I just found something that I can use you for that I never thought about before, something that I quite like to be honest. Keep it up" Arthur said and laughed to himself at his own wit.

Then he turned away from me in a dismissive manner and went and looked in his closet once more before shaking his head, "You know what Merlin?" Arthur said. "What?" I said bitterly. - "It's still rather early, and I'm feeling rather all sleepy now. I might take a lay in for another hour or so." He then yawned loudly before collapsing back onto the bed and pulling the covers over himself.

"Oh and Merlin" Arthur called as I opened the door. "What?" I said. - "I never said anything about forbidding you to please yourself, that is more than fine with me" Arthur, his tone making it another dismissal.

"Oh how kind of you, Sire" I said in forced sweetness, "I never knew you had such a kind heart." Arthur snorted, "That's the spirit" he said before giving a huge fake yawn.

Grumbling loudly I left, slamming the door shut behind me. Barely back with us for seven hours and he was already being a huge pain up the royal backside.

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**Well there we have it peoples! Hope you didn't think it was too shitty, I was reading a bit of sluff before I wrote this so I was in the zone. Well, reviews are very much welcome of course like always. Thank's guys.**


	16. Not How It Looks

**Okay you guys, I know it's been a like a year since I've up-dated! Ridiculous I know. Just completely lost my inspiration and I had to get a new harddrive for my lap-top and only recently re-found this story again. I'd half written this chapter previously. Sorry if it's not that good, just kinda lost my mode of writing it and all. **

**Didn't think anyone still cared about it, but I got a message asking me to please update so I decided to do it.  
**

**But yeah, I am really, really sorry. I'm going to try and finish it and everything. Have to get back into this story, forgot it was before the 3rd season! So have **

**to think right back. **

**Anyways, here it is. Sorry if it's not that great.**

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**Ch:16 – Not how it looks.**

"Knock, knock" at the door.

"Get off"

I forcefully pushed Merlin to the floor, I jumped off the bed and hastily pulled on my trousers as another more forceful 'knock' sounded from the door. I pulled on the first shirt my hands touched and stumbled to the door in haste.

Another half knock sounded as I pulled back the deadlock. I came to locking my chamber doors these days, for this very reason, I didn't want to be caught with my pants down so to speak. I wrenched the door open to find the livid face of my Father.

"Arthur, what took you so long? And why was this door locked, it's in the middle of the day"

My Father sounded like he was in one of his moods, great, which meant something was bothering him, which no doubt meant that he'd be taking it out on me and everyone else in the castle.

"Sorry Father, I was just.."

I was stuck for something to say for a fraction of a heartbeat, but my father didn't really seem to be listening as he cut over my scrambling for the next words.

"I don't really care what you were up to, but I want your dressed and down in the court meeting in fifteen minutes, it may have slipped your notice but you have your duties".

My Father gave the room a sweeping look and his brow creased even more, if that was possible, as he took in something behind me, that I could only imagine was Merlin. I couldn't help but feel the heat under my skin and the deadened feeling that had dropped into my stomach like lead as I thought of my Father ever finding out what Merlin and myself were up to moments before.

My Father however seemed to shake off whatever was just on his mind, and gave me one last stern look -

"Fifteen minutes!"

He said before striding out of the room, I watched him walk down the corridor until he turned the corner and out of my sight before letting out a breath and closing my chamber door. I felt sick, ashamed, I was almost caught doing something humiliating, degrading and down right disgraceful.

I turned around and saw Merlin standing near the bed, despite my previous negative thoughts I felt my heart flutter though my stomach churned all the same. Merlin was looking distinctly ruffled, his hair was in every direction, his little red neckerchief undone and his shirt was crumpled and only half tucked. I could see now what my Father had seen, and possibly thought...? I felt bile curdle in the back of my throat.

But as I looked Merlin over, taking in his wide-eyed expression, there was slight embarrassment, though he seemed clueless as to how ruffled and un-presentable he looked when the King had just walked in. Though ravenous all the same. I kicked myself mentally for letting myself think the last thought, but still couldn't help the flash backs to the blissful moment I was having before it was interrupted, even thinking about it for the briefest of moments still made me crave it a hundred times more.

I tried to shake off these unwelcome thoughts, as I watched Merlin pull out clothes from my wardrobe, holding them up to look at them before laying them on the bed. But I couldn't control my thoughts as I watched Merlin bend down to look for a pair of boots or god knows what in the bottom of the wardrobe, I tore my eyes away from this too tempting sight and directed myself to decide what to wear out of the clothes Merlin has just laid out for me.

It had been non-stop since I'd woken up from my sleep/coma thing or whatever it was. I'd missed out on a lot of my important duties as Prince of Camelot and Future King, or so my father kept going on and on about at me since the second I opened my eyes pretty much. Now I had court, this was bound to be mind numbingly dull, some old codger reading out something I couldn't care less about, while all the others then decide to discuss it for the next four hours.

As I was fastening my belt I felt a sudden jolt in my stomach, among _other _places as I felt Merlin fingers down the waistband of my trousers from behind as he tucked in my shirt. I closed my eyes, and swallowed hard trying to think of the court meetings waiting for me, but they were so dull they held my mind for less than a second. I felt Merlin's hands brush slowly down my back, and every thought of the upcoming court meeting was pushed out of my mind as if they never existed_._

I couldn't hold back the spasm that shot down my spine. Merlin came to stand in front of me, avoiding my gaze he reached down to fix the front of my belt, which until that moment I hadn't realised I'd twisted, I saw a smirk around Merlin's mouth as he saw the state he has got me in, and his smirk went further smug as he brushed 'innocently' over my such state as he smoothed down the front of my trousers.

I saw the smirk turn into a total grin as he turned his back on me to pick up the red jacket that was on the bed and then proceeded to help me into it. I closed my eyes, and took a few deep breaths trying to settle myself down. I forced my thoughts away from Merlin, and to my father and how he would react if he ever found out. This seemed to work somewhat, and I took that to flee to the door before Merlin could do anything else to drive me back to the edge again.

Just as I wrenched the door open and was about to leave, I heard Merlin say from behind.

"I won't be able to come later tonight, Gauis needs my help with something. I can't remember what it was, I wasn't really listening"

I hesitated for the briefest of moments before leaving without a word and closing the door behind me, a little harder perhaps than I intended to. I didn't know why I felt a sudden surge of anger, or was it anger? I couldn't quite tell what the feelings were as I traipsed down to the court dealings chamber. All I knew was that it wasn't a good sign I was feeling any form of such strong emotions about not seeing Merlin for just one night. It was ridiculous. And as I forced myself to feel nothing of it, I still couldn't help the niggling annoyance at the back of my brain as I entered the chamber where my Father and the others were waiting impatiently.

Later that night...

"Lancelot! Psst" I whispered from behind a plinth in the wall. Lancelot turned around at my voice and a appreciative smile spread across his face.

"Merlin, there you are! I went down to Gauis's and he said you weren't there and didn't know where you were"

"Shhh" I said, "Don't talk too loud, you're not suppose to be in the castle remember?" I said gesturing that he follow me down a corridor. I was happy to see Lancelot again, it was strange but I'd almost forgotten that I found him attractive. Then I felt guilty for thinking that at all. I shouldn't ever be thinking or looking at any other men, not since having Arthur back and being so close to losing him.

I pushed open the door to find Gaius weighing herbs and bypassed past him and into my room, Lancelot followed. I sat on my bed and indicated for Lancelot to close the door behind him as I heard Gaius ask me what I was up to, though his voice was cut off by the door closing on him.

"So good news then, about Arthur and all" Lancelot said taking a seat opposite. I couldn't help but beam, and nodded. "Yeah, he's doing great, like he was never cursed at all. Lot's of energy and everything" I said happily, letting my mind wonder briefly to this morning's activities before they were interrupted.

Though the next words out of Lancelot's mouth drove those blissful moments out of my head.

"What are you going to do about Uther? You promised that Druid Woman that you would kill him before the month has ended. Merlin it's already been two and a half weeks, you only have the shortest time possible to do this in. Have you thought about that at all? How you are going to do it?"

I really didn't appreciate the accusation in Lancelot's voice, like somehow I was deliberately slacking off with this dire task. I wasn't. I just had other things that frequently had been distracting me since Arthur had a woken, Arthur for one.

"_Yes, _ of course I've been thinking about it. I mean I know I can do it, but I just.. I don't how I'm going to get away with it" I said feebly. Lancelot gave me a stern look. I didn't know why he was taking such an interest all of a sudden. I hadn't heard a word from him since that night when Arthur woke. Then this morning I received a letter telling me to meet up with him, that he had something of most importance to discuss.

"Didn't you say you had something important you wanted to talk to me about?" I said changing the subject. Lancelot gave me a sweeping look before speaking slowly, as if to an inept child. "Merlin, _this _is the important thing I wanted to discuss" It did seem obvious now that he said it and felt my cheeks flush slightly.

"Oh"

"Oh? Merlin, have you got any thoughts on how you are going to pull this off?" Lancelot persisted annoyingly. I shrugged. To be perfectly honest I hadn't _really_ given all that much thought into it. Sure I had thought about it. But just other things seemed to be more important, or well, more pleasant. So I've half been putting it out of my mind. I didn't appreciate Lancelot being here and reminding me so forcefully, especially in the tone he was using. It was very much not like him at all.

"Lancelot, I know what I've got to do. I know I have to kill Uther or Morgause will curse Camelot. But..." I hesitated. Lancelot raised an eyebrow. "But what?" He said in a heavy voice.

"But" I continued, "what if I stop Morgause from doing the curse? If I could stop her, or at least do _something _against her or the curse she is planning to do, then I wouldn't have to kill Uther at all" I said gauging Lancelot's reaction.

Lancelot's brow furrowed and he seemed to be in thought, after a moment he laughed lightly under his breath. "Merlin, I know you are a powerful sorcerer. Do you really believe that you could stop this Morgause?"

I shrugged, "I don't know for sure, but I believe that I have a good chance that I'll be able to. I mean even if at the worst, she manages to curse Camelot. There would have to be something I could do to break it. Right?" I said. Not knowing how confident I felt in this plan.

Lancelot seemed to be thinking it over, he smiled and nodded. "Well, I have faith in you Merlin. But you'll be walking a very thin line to pull it off. But, if you feel confident that you'll be able to succeed, might as well give it a shot." Lancelot looked more confident with the plan and my abilities than I felt right now. But, with all things considered, I'd rather try and stop Morgause right now, than kill Uther Pendragon.

Lancelot and I talked late into the night, and I couldn't say what time we fell asleep. Next thing I knew however, I heard Arthur's angry voice in the other room before my door banged open with some force. I sat up straight in my bed, half disorientated.

"Who? What?" I mumbled blinking in the bright sunlight that was pouring into my room through my open window. Lancelot who had been sleeping on the floor jumped and hit his head on the corner of my bedside table and cursed loudly.

We both looked up to see Arthur standing in the door way with a furious expression on his face and his eyes darted between myself and Lancelot, who was now rubbing his head looking irritable.

"What is the meaning of this?" Arthur said through his teeth, looking directly at Lancelot who was pulling himself gingerly to his feet. I saw how Arthur's eyes narrowed as Lancelot used my bed to steady himself.

"Sire" Lancelot said in his most polite voice and did a small half bow.

"Arthur" I said jumping out of bed and looking around the room for my jacket. "What's the time" I said, fearing that I'd slept in.

Arthur gave me a furious look, "Oh I don't know? How about, let's see Merlin. It's _past _lunch time!" His voice was cruel and sarcastic. I faulted in fixing my neckerchief and looked open mouthed at Arthur. I couldn't have slept in that late, could I? I did notice however that the sun was coming in through my window at rather a different angle than it should.

"Arthur, I am really sorry. I didn't... I didn't realise.. I.. I slept in" I said lamely while fixing my clothes. Arthur just gave me a disgusted look before his eyes darted back to Lancelot who was trying to make his hair lay flat and looking oddly ruffled.

"My Chambers, two minutes" was all Arthur said before leaving and slamming my door behind him.

I flinched at the sound. I looked at Lancelot as Lancelot looked at me. There was an awkward pause before I mumbled about having to go see to Arthur. Lancelot nodded and said he had something he had to see to as well and that he'd meet me again this evening. Before I left and hurried up to Arthur's room.

I took a steady breath before pushing the door open. Arthur was sitting behind his desk looking murderous. "Hey, got yourself dressed and everything" I said trying to sound playfully teasing. Arthur's expression just became darker. Ignoring my feeble attempt at breaking the ice he said.

"Why was Lancelot in your room?"

I didn't like the accusation in his voice any more than I liked the furious look on his face. I hesitated. I knew I couldn't tell the truth about the real reason for Lancelot's visit. But I decided to tell Arthur some of the truth.

"Well, remember how you were in that cursed sleep?" I said, Arthur just continued to glare. "Well, I went on this trip to try and find a cure to save you. And well... Lancelot decided to accompany me to help, as he felt it was mostly his fault that you were cursed to begin with. So he's here really just to check up on how everything was doing and to see if you were fine and all." I said hoping this sounded innocent enough.

Arthur's expression darkened even further if that were possible. "So it was Lancelot's fault I was cursed?" - "I _told _you that it was the assassin who was after Lancelot that cursed you, so that's why he feels it was his fault" I reminded him. Arthur just made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat.

"Did Gaius really need you last night?" He asked, there was dangerous edge to his voice, though I found this a odd question to ask.

"What do you mean?" I said slowly, nonplussed.

"You told me, did you not Merlin. That Gaius needed your help with something and that was why you couldn't come last night" His voice was harsh, still with that dangerous edge to it.

I'd actually forgotten I told him that. I lied quickly, "Yes. I helped Gaius last night with one of his antidotes" I said swiftly. Arthur's eyes looked furious and he stood up and walked around his desk and over to me. I felt a sudden thrill go through my body.

Arthur walked around me, eying me like he was choosing the right place to strike. He stopped behind my back, and I felt his grip on my arms before he pulled he harshly into him. I struggled feebly, but it was obvious that Arthur wasn't about to let me go.

"Really? Are you quite sure about that Merlin?" He said into my ear through his teeth. A shiver went down my spine, Arthur strengthened his grip on my arms to the point that it was beginning to hurt. "Yes?" I said uncertainly. This wasn't what Arthur wanted to hear.

He pulled one of my arms behind my back into a painful angle. I let out a gasp of pain. Arthur spoke into me ear, in his most deadly voice.

"Well that's funny, because I asked Gaius how late he had kept you up last night, and you know what Gaius told me?" Arthur twisted my arm harder, "I don't know" I cried out in pain. "He told me that he hadn't kept you up at all" I felt myself beginning to sweat and also a pang of anger towards Gaius, I could have sworn he'd have covered for me. Obviously he hadn't.

"Well I found that a bit strange" Arthur continued, tightening his grip on my arm and twisting to the point were I had to bite down on my bottom lip to yell out in pain. "So I asked Gaius, what he'd needed you help for last night. You know what he said?" Arthur said yanking my arm harder. I didn't answer but just made a sound of pain.

"He told me that he hadn't needed your help at all last night, and that you have been in your room the whole night" Arthur twisted my arm so hard I couldn't help but yell in pain. "And now I see the real reason you didn't want to come last night, you wanted to spend it with Lancelot"

At this Arthur loosened his grip on my arm, I didn't have time to feel relieved because he threw me roughly down onto the bed before pushing himself down heavily into my back, he pinned my arms to either side of my head. I struggled against him, but it was useless.

"Arthur! It wasn't like that at all" I said muffled. "Oh?" Arthur said angrily, I could feel his warm breath on the back of my neck. "Then what was it like?" "And Merlin" Arthur pushed into me painfully, "Don't. Lie" he articulated both words into my ear. I could feel tears prickle the corners of my eyes. I didn't know what to say, but I had to tell Arthur that what he thought wasn't true at all.

"It wasn't like that" I said again, "I just... I admit I lied about helping Gaius." - "You don't say?" Arthur said coldly. "I didn't tell you the truth, because I didn't know how you would feel about me seeing Lancelot, and if you'd let me go or not" This obviously wasn't the right thing to say and regretted it immediately after the words left my lips.

"So that's what it's like is it? Didn't know how I'd feel about you running off to meet up with other guys after hours, in your chambers. Might give me the wrong idea?" Arthur's voice was almost trembling.

He suddenly let me go and I breathed in deeply feeling the oxygen fill my lungs as his weight was lifted off me. I pulled myself onto my hands and knees. I looked around and watched Arthur walk to the other side of the room. Everything was going wrong, I had definitely said the wrong things and mentally kicked myself.

I slid off the bed slowly. "Arthur, I didn't mean it like that. At all. It's not like I _chose _Lancelot over you" - Arthur turned around sharply and glared at me. I forced my self to think of the right words, make it clear that what Lancelot and I had was _nothing _like that.

"Arthur, he sent me a letter yesterday morning telling me he had something he wanted to discuss with me. So I went along to see what it was. That was it. Nothing more than that. You _know _I'd rather have spent the night here with you. It was just _one _night away from you" I didn't know if I was making myself clear or not. I could feel the tears in my eyes, and blinked them away, I felt sick.

"What ever you want me to believe Merlin, I don't care. You are dismissed for the rest of day. Leave my sight" Arthur said dismissively and turning his back on me.

I walked over to him, I hesitated before grabbing his arm and trying to pull him around to look at me. "_Arthur" _I pleaded, he pulled his arm roughly from my grip and pushed me away. "Don't touch me" He said giving me a look of deepest loathing, his voice was dead cold. I felt like I'd swallowed broken glass. His voice, his words, the hatred in his eyes ripped there way painfully through my stomach and my heart.

"Arthur" I said again, though it only came out as no louder than a whisper. "Just go!" Arthur demanded of me, another emotion seeped into his voice. He turned away from me. "Arthur _please. _It's not what you think". Last night meant _nothing" _I tried pleading with him. But at the mention of last night he turned around and grabbed the back of neck and led me to the door. I protested but he just ignored me and threw me out into the hall, hard. I hit the wall opposite and slid to the ground.

"I want you out of my sight until further notice" He said in that dead voice again, before slamming his chamber door on me. The sound ringed through out the stone corridor. I curled my knees to my chest and couldn't help but letting the sobs escape my throat. Everything had turned out so wrong.

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**Well there you go, don't really care for this chapter at all. I have the whole timeline of this story written out, just have to put it into words and all.**


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